Drunk/Sober/High: Watching Star Wars for the first time

Drunk/Sober/High is a series started at New York University’s blog NYULocal. It sends a drunk person, a sober person, and a high person to all go enjoy (and endure) the same experience together. We love it, so we thought we’d give it a try. 

One staff member (High) had the brilliant idea to organize a Star Wars viewing party (not specific, we know) with other staff members who, like her, had never seen any of the Star Wars movies. High was inspired to organize this event due to the impending release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Drunk didn’t realize this key detail until the middle of the evening — more on this later). Here’s what went down:

Pre-Gaming the event

Drunk: After six episodes of Master of None and a 30-minute shower featuring exclusively Missy Elliot, I was ready to go. Nowhere. My friends were coming to my house. Sober rolled up first. In honor of a networking function we both attended last Friday (read: not a networking function) where we had way too much white wine, I brought out a bottle of Pinot Gris and prepared to get wine-drunk SWUG style. High showed up shortly after and we migrated outdoors to accompany her while she smoked. After chilling outside for 30ish minutes sans shoes, I learned that 1) my feet get cold very easily and 2) WE WERE WATCHING STAR WARS BECAUSE A NEW MOVIE WAS COMING OUT.

Sober: I was the first to arrive at Drunk’s house, so I ended up pre-gaming the movie by trying to figure out technology a.k.a. doing the most hyper-sobering thing I could possibly do. Drunk and I spent about 15 minutes trying to turn on the TV and set up Chromecast, both to varying degrees of success, while leaving somewhat unacknowledged the more serious issue of where to find a copy of Star Wars. Luckily, High showed up just in time to [smoke and] somehow get us set up. While this was all happening, a fan came by for a photo-op because apparently we’re famous? (Of course we’re famous. Bow down.) It was a lot to take in. Also notable: I brought myself some Pringles and a pack of Double-Stuf Oreos (shoutout to the Jo’s mini-mart in all of its grossly-overpriced beauty), so my movie munchie game was strong AF.

High: I reprised my role as High during a movie by smoking on Drunk’s porch. Shout out to Sober and Drunk for hanging out in the cold with me like true homies. At some point while contemplating how odd it is to smoke without partaking in the proverbial passing of the bowl, my BOLT leader appeared. We talked to her for too long before explaining our varying degrees of sobriety. When she found out we what we were doing, she was so excited to see D/S/H in action that she took our picture. I remember posing for that photo… I don’t remember what my pose was. I should really ask for that photo. After smoking and hacking into the mainframe to find the movie, we were off to the star-races.

The Beginning of the Film (Pre-Arrival of Star Wars Guru)

Drunk: We were told to start with A New Hope by everyone on our staff at our last meeting. Unfortunately, Netflix only had Star Wars: Clone Wars, so I gave my computer to High who worked her magic. Shortly after, I saw words moving up the screen and I knew that we had begun. By the time I decided if the words were moving too quickly or too slowly, the opening sequence had ended and I read nothing.

Sober: To quote my notes: “Opening words too fast—VERY STRESSFUL. Did not get anything from opening sequence.” By the time I was five minutes in, I was already completely lost, disoriented, and sweating. Somehow, George Lucas managed to create a movie that was at the same time incredibly slow-moving and simultaneously impossible to keep up with. Also, Drunk low-key called R2D2 fat, so I’m now very cautiously stuffing my face.

High: When smoking, one will always encounter the fateful moment in which one can accurately assess how high one is. That moment, for me, was the opening scroll. How could words move so slowly yet also fast? Sure, I got the “In a galaxy far, far away” but everything past that was not going to happen. Could it be that kids in the 80s really read that much faster?

Drunk graciously offered to translate what R2D2 was saying: “beep boop bop.”

Questions

Drunk: Which came first: Star Wars or Star Wars Legos? Is this the first movie? Have I actually not seen Star Wars before? Are Sober and I the only people who mixed up Lightsabers and Life Savers throughout our childhood? Did people actually follow the plot or was the point of the movie to name the characters that you knew? If I were given Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and Chewbacca in fuck/marry/kill who would I choose?

Sober: How many planets are there? Who are the main characters? In general, what’s happening and also why? How many Oreos have I eaten at this point and/or am I going to have a heart attack due to said Oreos?

High: Is Mufasa (James Earl Jones) acting as Darth Vader or is it just his voice? If it’s just his voice, was the guy who actually played Darth Vader totally silent the whole time during shooting? Awkward. Also, Ben is not a real nickname for Obi-Wan. I know a decent amount of Ben’s, none of them short for Obi-Wan.

Key Discoveries

Screen Shot 2015-11-22 at 10.32.40 AM

We are not alone!

Drunk: Sober and I went to high school together and we played this score every year in band! Sober is C-3PO in every possible way. Seriously they’re the exact same. We should do a BlogDH It Takes Two” with Chewbacca and the beast from Beauty and the Beast. Note to self: Google sandpeople. Fuck Luke, marry Chewbacca, kill Han Solo.

Screen Shot 2015-11-22 at 10.42.22 AM

Sober: I am C-P30 (-3PO? -3P0? idk). Our personalities and mannerisms are terrifyingly similar—it’s honestly amazing. I think I might be learning more about myself just by watching that little robot shuffle around and worry. Additionally, I see myself post-Oreos in Jabba the Hutt. Maybe that’s the magic of Star Wars? Also, Drunk argued at one point that Don Zimmer, instead of John Williams, created the film’s score. Turns out, the score is by John Williams and Don Zimmer is a former Yankees coach.

High: This movie to me is an amalgamation of cultural references I missed out on and people wearing Halloween costumes. And Harrison Ford. And Harrison Ford’s improbable one-liners. My smoke-induced nostalgia is giving me serious, “wish I had seen this as a kid when magic was a legit thing” feels.

Arrival of Star Wars Guru

Drunk: Our Blog friend arrives to explain all of the context we’re missing. Blog friend thinks that Sober is High because he is clutching a pillow. This movie makes so much more sense. High and I struggle to stay awake. Blog friend tells us that Obi Wan’s famous “that’s no moon” quote is coming up so we all watch patiently. Sober asks why the line after “that’s no moon” isn’t the famous quote.

Sober: This was a game-changer. Apparently, Star Wars is about the Cold War?!?! Crazy stuff, I know. Our friend explained most of the plot and context, and almost all of it went completely over my head. But I tried. I really tried. At this point, I’m starting to wonder how anyone who watched this movie when it was released had any idea what was going on. I’m pretty sure that the one we watched (don’t ask me what it’s called because I don’t know) was the first to come out, which is really confusing because I really felt like I wouldn’t have understood anything at all without having prior knowledge (or a guru).

High: Up until the arrival of Guru, I was fully convinced the point of Star Wars was just to know the names of the endless list of characters. I thought the movie was basically just a character pop quiz (which I was acing) to have you prepped for the 5 movies to come. When Guru filled us in on the plot, I was pleasantly surprised.

Closing Thoughts

Drunk: Lol.

Sober: I think that maybe this movie would be good for Sunday afternoons when I’m cleaning and need some background noise and also want to pretend like I’m cultured. I find it truly mind-boggling that there are some people out there who probably value these films more than the Harry Potter movies and the entire Meg Ryan filmography. Overall, this was a mentally exhausting yet somehow enjoyable experience and I am still very confused and slightly overwhelmed and also would like some more Oreos. I think I’m gonna go get some more Oreos now.

High: This movie was insanely imaginative. The fact that it came out in ’77 and holds up still blows my mind, even as I soberly type this. I finally understand the hype, just not anything remotely related to the plot. Anyone wanna rewatch it?

Images via Drunk.

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