procrastination finals season. With all of the work we have to do, we welcome and embrace any possible distraction. An article about the Champions League (lol sports) or one about the importance of stretching is suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world when you don’t want to do your work.Right freaking now seems like the optimal moment to reorganize your Spotify playlists, doesn’t it? Or in my case, now is the time to write this post and ignore my 10-page paper due on Friday.
But, if you’re like me and you like to pretend everything is secretly about sex, perhaps you’re wondering what your procrastination technique reveals about your sexuality. Allow me to interpret:
- If you procrastinate by doing other, less urgent, work: You cyborg! How are you productive even while you’re procrastinating? I would be scared/too intimidated to hook up with you. You’re just so… efficient. I would recommend relaxing in all aspects of your life, from your schoolwork to what you do in the bedroom. Not everything has to be so serious!
- If you procrastinate with Netflix/Hulu/HBO Go/etc.: Like many of us, your procrastination technique is escapist. You prefer to avoid your work by momentarily pretending it does not exist. The characters from Game of Thrones and Always Sunny don’t care about your problems so why should you, amiright? Wrong. If you use this same technique to avoid your emotions, I’m worried you’re repressing some feelings—romantic, sexual, or otherwise. Take this time to reconnect with your emotional self instead of watching TV!
- If you procrastinate with napping: You may secretly wish you had someone to cuddle with if you dodge your work with sleep. Being held does wonders for your psyche, so I’m all for it. If you don’t have a bae, platonic cuddling is totally a thing and it’s amazing. Ask a friend who you think could use some comforting and who is comfortable with friendly physical contact if they want to take a snuggle break with you.
The cat be like: “SNUGGLE ME!!”
- If you procrastinate with treating yo self: We sextion bloggers are huge proponents of using masturbation for stress-relief and sanity-maintenance. This method of procrastination shows that you’re in touch with yourself sexually and that’s always a great thing. Next time you’re hooking up with someone, show them all of your favorite getting-yourself-off techniques and your (very healthy) procrastination could lead to even more good things.
You go, Samantha:
Procrastinate Masturbate all day long.
- If you procrastinate with sex: Check out this old Sextion article for a full description of how your procrastination technique is
my favoriteobjectively the best.
- If you procrastinate with cleaning: You like for everything to be organized, perfect, and in its proper place. But sex and sexuality aren’t like that—they’re fluid! You’re being too restrictive and micromanage-y. If you’re like that in the bedroom as well, I’d say it’s about time you try something new (that you’re comfortable with) and step out of your standard comfort zone.
- If you procrastinate with online shopping: Ah, this could go either way. If you’re shopping for yourself, you may be a kinda selfish lover without even realizing it. Ruminate on that, bud. If you’re shopping for others, first off, bravo on getting your holiday shopping
donestarted, but secondly, you’re probably a great sexual partner because you care about others and their happiness more than your own.
- If you procrastinate with friends: Group orgy, anyone? Just kidding. You’re just a social person and I can respect that. I hope you’re honing your flirting skills a little bit though, because I foresee the possibility of a hookup in the very near future (this weekend go out and celebrate actually getting your work done and see where the evening takes you).
An actual image of me as I realize that I’ve finished this article and have nothing to do but go back to writing that damn essay.
Good luck with finals and stop using this article to procrastinate.
Love love love,