Now, I know you have plenty of your own school-related reading to do, but take a break from it for a little and read about
way more interesting things sex:
You have probably heard someone, likely a woman, described as having “no chill.” In the youth culture of America, “having chill” has become somewhat of a prerequisite in the dating scene. But does “having chill” simply mean that you don’t express your emotions? In her article “Against Chill,” Alana Massey explains the ways in which “Chill” (she capitalizes it in order to make it “a thing”) is actually “a sinister refashioning of ‘Calm down!’ from an enraging and highly gendered command into an admirable attitude.” If you only have time to read one of the articles in this post, pick this one! It made me question and reject a fairly long-held aspect of my dating persona: my “chill.”
The face I made when Massey explained to me that expecting people to be “chill” in relationships is just another instrument of the patriarchy!!
Like me, writer Reina Gattuso is concerned with a very standard/common unfairness in heterosexual sex: “man becomes erect, man penetrates woman, man ejaculates” and sex is now over. Where was the female orgasm in all of that? In “What I Would Have Said to You Last Night Had You Not Cum and then Fallen Asleep,” Gattuso, a bisexual woman who usually has sex with women, argues that the pleasure gap in heterosexual sex is a perfect example of sexism finding its way into the bedroom. Instead of the usual male orgasm-oriented heterosexual sex, she would have her men “fuck like girl[s],” by which she means thinking more of their partner’s enjoyment than their own and more openly communicating with them.
Normally, I dismiss most things adults say about what’s happening sex-wise in colleges today. They think everyone has sex with everyone (no). They think real relationships (with feelings and everything) don’t exist in college (no). And this only makes me appreciate the New York Magazine article “Heirs to the Sexual Revolution” more. It includes interviews with college students across the country about their sex and relationship lives (scroll past the long intro to see these interviews). A companion piece, “The Sex Habits of 784 College Students,” is a survey of college students and their sexual habits and it includes a poll that allows you to see how you measure up to college students across the country in terms of your sexual habits. There are some shocking stats in here, such as 39% of the college students they surveyed are virgins!
“Did you score last night, bro?” “Nah, we only went to third.” This sort of goal-oriented, baseball metaphor pervades in the American discourse on sex. In his (8-minute) TED talk, “Sex needs a new metaphor,” Al Vernacchio criticizes the baseball metaphor and offers up a new one: pizza. Give it a watch—although I don’t see the baseball imagery going anywhere anytime soon, it’s still a step in the right direction to be talking about newer, healthier metaphors for sex.