As college students, a lot of us are thinking about sex. I mean, obviously. That being said, I have a feeling there’s something we think about way more often than we talk about:
Yup, that’s right: sex toys.
Let’s start this off by saying that I completely understand if you personally don’t want to use sex toys, whatever your reasons, and this is by no means an assertion that sex toys are for everyone. Rather, I’m arguing that sex toys are completely OK for anyone who wants to use them, because they are.
There is nothing wrong with you if you want to use sex toys:
No, it doesn’t mean you don’t have sex appeal if you use toys. This past Christmas, a guy friend of mine gave another guy friend a pocket pussy as a jab at Guy Friend 2’s inexperience with girls. This is, frankly, bullshit. Sex toys shouldn’t be seen as some sort of “last resort” for the inexperienced or the currently not-getting-any. Does masturbating mean you don’t have sex appeal, because — last time I checked — it didn’t.
On the other side of the spectrum, and for girls especially, there’s this absurd idea that you have to be “sex-crazed” to have toys. Heaven forbid I ever mention my handcuffs without a measured pause that makes me feel like I’m being perceived as some sort of outlandish fetishist. Sex toys are just another way to express your sexual desires, whether privately or with a partner (or partners), and I shouldn’t have to brace myself every time they come up.
Furthermore, sex toys are not just for girls:
Maybe it’s some nonsense subset of socially imposed masculinity that makes men (primarily cisgender heterosexual men, from what I’ve observed) avoid sex toys. As illustrated by the yuletide exchange between Guy Friend 1 and Guy Friend 2, it didn’t seem to occur to either of them that a man could own a sex toy without it being laughable.
I’m not going to make the claim that this sex toy mindset is specific to cis-het men, because I’m still in the midst of a several-year campaign to get one of my best friends, who is gay, to accept that he can use toys if he so pleases. This campaign began with him rejecting an invitation to come to a sex shop with a mutual friend and I because, “Sex toys are for girls.”I’ll say it again, for him and for everyone else: There are plenty of toys out there, and the only requirement (assuming you’re eighteen and have the money to buy one) is wanting one.
Sex toys are not just for single people:
Of course, it’s completely fine if your significant other doesn’t feel comfortable with toys; however, that applies to them, not you. If your S/O tries to shame you or otherwise make you feel uncomfortable for using toys, that’s pretty disrespectful of them and they should reconsider why they feel like they have the right to judge what you do with your body.
I confess that I was worried about what my significant other’s reaction would be to my sex toys, but, honestly, I feel like most people aren’t going to be as opposed to them as you might fear. Toys can spice things up, and it’s always nice to put the ‘cuffs to use.
Have fun safely, you beautiful, budding sunflowers!