Kids You’ll Meet in Your FYS

The Show-Off

Went to a private school like Phillips Exeter and won’t stop talking about it and their own supposed intelligence. Drops words like postmodernism willy-nilly just to grind  your gears. Definitely annoys the professor by being incredibly sycophantic yet supremely condescending at the same time. Hearing them talk makes you visibly wince, and they will often include some personal anecdote that’s meant to make them seem sophisticated but just makes you realize how much of a tool they are.

SportsCenter Kid

You’re pretty sure you’ve never heard this person speak more than seven words at a time, and it’s fairly obvious they’re not looking at class readings on the computer because they’re actually interested in the screen. The teacher has definitely shot them dirty looks, but they were too busy watching former players talk about current players to actually notice. Has stickers for their private high school on their laptop and definitely played a sport like lacrosse.


The Suck Up Brainiac

Actually does the reading and discusses it in a mature, informed, and approachable way— BUT you still hate them for caring about the material when you have made it to class on time exactly once. Stays after class to talk to the professor about the professor’s research and will probably develop a deep mentor-mentee relationship that leads to personal fulfilment and professional connections. They’re awful, and you wish they would stop raising the professor’s standards.


“Normal” People Like You

The person you trade look towards during an awkward silence to communally pray someone will bite the bullet before the show-off starts talking about Exeter (again). People like you don’t always do the readings, but if you don’t talk, you can usually get away with it. Unfortunately, some people don’t seem to get the message.


Hasn’t Read But Still Participates

Definitely just restating points others have said, but still occasionally praised by the teacher for “excellently synthesizing the material of the course.” Has shown up to class smelling of herb at least once. Lives in Keeney. Has definitely said stuff that directly contradicts the discussion materials, but the professor calls it a “refreshing take.” You want to melt every time they walk into the room ten minutes late.

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