Top 10 Bachelor Seasons

        On Monday nights, millions of fans tune in to watch desperate men and women attempt to find love on national TV. I am referring to ABC’s “The Bachelor/ette”, a reality dating show filled with tears, roses, Chris Harrison, and, of course, love. With the recent announcement of Colton Underwood as the next Bachelor, I thought that it would be a good time to go back and rank the top ten seasons of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette.” Factors that I considered included the hilarity of the contestants, the travel destinations, the romance, the personality of the lead, and, most importantly, the amount of drama. One final note – whether or not the winning couples are still together did not impact the rankings! Without further ado, I will hand out my ten roses:

10) The Bachelorette Season 14: Becca Kufrin

This season started off relatively strong after Lincoln fell in love with a picture, Jean Blanc pretended to fall in love with Becca, and Jordan fell in love with himself. The big reason this season ranks so low, though, is because it was completely tainted once Lincoln’s criminal record and Garrett’s … questionable likes on Instagram came out.

9) The Bachelor Season 20: Ben Higgins

The man that originally declared himself “unlovable” proved to be anything but that as he immediately stole the hearts of audiences around the world. And yet, Ben enjoyed a day on the beach with Amanda Stanton and her two daughters before promptly sending her homefor no apparent reason. More shamefully, the group traveled to Warsaw, Indiana one week after being in the Bahamas. If you’re taking the final six women to Warsaw, Indiana, that’s a huge red flag.

8) The Bachelorette Season 10: Andi Dorfman

This season boils down to one distinct moment On a group date, Andi, to my dismay, decided to rip up the results of a lie-detector test filled with incredibly personal questions in order to prove that she trusted the guys. Did I understand the sentiment? Yes. Would I have rather found out if Marcus had slept with over 30 people in his life or if Dylan showers more than three times a week? Yes.

7) The Bachelor Season 22: Arie Luyendyk Jr.

I have trouble ranking this season because, while there were a lot of hilarious moments, like Annaliese’s bumper-car trauma or the epic prank in which Arie tried to get all the contestants to drink their own pee, it also felt like the season most heavily influenced by producers. With major outcry after the boring-racecar-driver-turned-real-estate-agent was named Bachelor, producers pulled out all the stops to turn the season into a contrived masterpiece. We had some of the best travel destinations in “Bachelor” history (Paris, Tuscany, and Machu Picchu, oh my!), one of the most over-the-top villains in “Bachelor” history in Krystal, and, of course, the most intimately filmed breakup in “Bachelor” history.

6) The Bachelor Season 18: Juan Pablo Galavis

Juan Pablo may have been human garbage, but I am looking at more than that to determine my rankings. For as bad a person as Juan Pablo was, his awfulness led to the closest “The Bachelor” franchise has come to promoting female empowerment. We had Sharleen leave to focus on her Opera career, Andi ironically telling Juan Pablo “It’s not ok” after an uncomfortable night in the Fantasy Suite, and Clare firmly standing her ground after Juan Pablo tried to sweet talk her after a rejection. This was also a noteworthy season for having the youngest contestant of all time, Cassandra – to which I wonder how old one has to be to go on the show (asking for a friend, obviously).

5) The Bachelorette Season 12: JoJo Fletcher

Some highlights: a folk singer named James Taylor with no relation to the real James Taylor, a guy named Grant who looked exactly like Handsome Squidward, a Canadian porn star telling another contestant to “be less like Hitler and more like Mussolini,” and, of course, the time that Chad ripped Erectile-Dysfunction-Specialist Evan’s new shirt. The issue with this season was that all the contestants put so much energy into hating Chad that, when he was sent home, the rest of the season felt like a let down.

4) The Bachelorette Season 9: Desiree Hartstock

“Right reasons, right reasons, we’re here for all the right reasons.” First uttered when Soulja Boy came on a group date and created a rap with all of the guys, these words have been a part of my daily lexicon ever since. This season often gets a bad rep and, honestly, I’m not sure why. Yes, there were times when Des was too dull to carry the show (dreary dates with Bryden and Brad come to mind here), but this season certainly had its moments. We had a contestant’s girlfriend from home show up, and a father tweezing his son’s nose hairs during a hometown date (this guy somehow won.)

3) The Bachelor Season 19: Chris Soules

Known to the public as “Prince Farming,” Chris Soule was the star in a pretty fun season of “The Bachelor.” It started off with a bang after Kaitlyn told Prince Farming that he could plow her field anytime he wanted, and only got better as Ashley S. slowly but surely started her love affair with a pomegranate. The top moment of the season, though, must be the outrageously awkward two-on-one date between Kelsey Poe and Ashley I, in which the longest period of silence in “Bachelor” history was recorded. Both ended up getting sent home, and Prince Farming flew away in a helicopter while the women were left stranded on a mountain in South Dakota. This season only loses points due to the letdown finale and for repeatedly traveling from forgettable Midwest state to forgettable Midwest state.

2) The Bachelorette Season 13: Rachel Lindsay

The verbal assaults traded between Blake E and Lucas “Whaboom!” Yancey outside the Bachelor Mansion comprised the most hilarious moment in “Bachelor” history. Period. I can’t do it justice , but all I’ll say is that one of the many points of contention between two grown men regarded whether saying the word “Whaboom” or “honk honk fart joke” would make one a better comedian. Moving on, this was a great season because of how easily Rachel was able to cut through the dead-weight – she didn’t listen to DeMario’s garbage after finding out he had a girlfriend, sent home childhood friend Fred after saying that kissing him was like “kissing a little boy,” and eliminated at least one contestant before the rose ceremony every week. This season is not number one because Rachel enjoyed it when a man whose job title is “Tickle Monster” put on large, fake hands and tickled her.

1) The Bachelorette Season 11: Kaitlyn Bristowe

What started off as an odd season in which Kaitlyn and Britt had to compete to become the Bachelorette (remember that?), turned into an incredible combination of ridiculousness and drama, with an easygoing and laugh-out-loud hilarious lead. While contestants Clint and JJ were busy in the hot tub together discussing their “long snakes, ”Kaitlyn found herself in the midst of what I will deem a perfect season. We had our old friend Nick Viall show up in Week 4 and have fabled before-Fantasy Suite sex, a  man who referred to himself as “Cupcake” get broken up with on a cliff in Ireland, and a healer named Tony claim he had “the heart of a warrior and the spirit of a gypsy.”. A finale between two men who truly hated one another ensured that there was never a dull moment up to the bitter end.

 

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