42069- To that girl in the Sci-Li in the pineapple costume on Halloween in 2014:
I was the boy wearing the pizza costume, and I think that says it all. It was love at first sight. The green foliage you wore on your head was what first attracted my attention. From there, it only got better. It’s been four years, and I still can’t stop thinking about you. I would say please notice me, but I know you noticed me looking before you glanced away quickly. Too quickly… and still, your brown eyes haunt my every dream. And whenever I do get to see them again, it really piques my pepperoni… if you know what I mean.
We have mutual friends, but I don’t think we’ve ever hung out. I know you called me crusty, and told your friends you’re not interested… but I just wish you’d give me a chance. Every time I see you with another girl or guy, I die a little bit on the inside. My sun rises and sets with you. You’re the single most beautiful person/pineapple I’ve ever seen. All I’m asking for is a chance.
Yours forever (or at least as long as you’ll have me),
The pizza boy
66669- To the pizza boy:
I have a girlfriend.
How quick the wings of love fold upon themselves,
How swift the items of affection leave their shelves-
How sharp the pangs of unrequited love sting
Like the spikes on a pineapple.
It’s been four years. We’ve never even spoken. Please leave me alone.