On April Jailbait

In response to a previous article of mine, a student suggested that I should change my name “given that the current one refers to statutory rape.”

I am not unsympathetic to this line of thinking; I had my own misgivings in choosing the pseudonym but decided to keep it nonetheless, in part because April Jailbait fits so well with Leslie Grope.

Monica and Rachel just didn’t rhyme with enough things.

The other reason is more nuanced and perhaps quite selfish.

It’s also very specific to me.

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Of Condoms and Cavemen

Until very recently, I was under the impression that it was a right of passage for guys to carry condoms around in their wallets. Then a guy friend asked me to hold his wallet for him and I found out, perhaps unethically, that his wallet was barren of that infamous Bear Necessity.

This realization sparked a debate within my mixed-gender friend group. We were divided in a surprisingly organized way. The girls all had condoms on their person; the boys all did not.

This week’s life article, therefore, is an open letter to sex-happy boys who don’t carry condoms.

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Never Have I Ever

My soul was crushed at 15, not by some boy (or girl), but by a game of Never Have I Ever.

I had just joined a new church youth group and the social leader (a high school senior) suggested we play Never Have I Ever. I had never played before (“Never Have I Ever played a game of Never Have I Ever, besides this one), but the premise of the game (go around and state a thing you’ve never done; all who have put a finger down until someone runs out of fingers) felt like a nice way to get to know these almost-complete strangers.

It was September of my freshman year of high school, and I was still high off the summer loving of male-dominated math camps and social media sites not yet populated by our parents. That summer was the summer of my first kiss (and several more), and I felt so proudly promiscuous that I was sure I would lose immediately at this new game excuse to brag.

Never have I ever kissed a boy. I would put a finger down.

Never have I ever kissed two boys within two minutes. I would put a finger down.

“Never have I ever had a three-way kiss with a girl and a guy for an entire minute without spitting out my gum.” You guessed it, I would put a finger down.

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