Sextion: Your Guide to Booty Call Texting

Sextion

People who attended college before the advent of cell phones had it much harder, at least in the booty call department. While our parents didn’t have to worry about embarrassing photos being posted online, and gossip had to be passed on old school (i.e. via whispers, not Facebook chat), the previous generations never got to experience the emotions and regret that come from reading through your texts the morning after a night of drinking.

Before you claim that texting drunk is dangerous, a bad thing, something to get you into trouble, etc. (which obviously it can), you have to think about how beneficial it can be, most notably for its complete restructuring of the late night hookup game.

Because, let’s be real. Drunk texts are just inebriated poetry.

Once upon a time, college students had to deal with drunken romantic gestures in order to get a potential hookup’s attention. Now, your booty call is just a few clicks or swipes away.

However, because of the somewhat complex nature of drunk texting, several gray areas do exist. Telling the difference between a text that screams, “Let’s get it on” and one that says “Let’s cuddle while you wallow in the friend zone” is actually more complicated than it seems. Here are a few examples of our reads on particular situations.

“Heyy” – The double use of the “y” obviously means he or she is interested in something more than just saying “hi,” but it doesn’t mean you have the green light. If you play your cards right, you might not be spending tonight alone.

“Come over” – Translation: I want you. Now.

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BlogDH Presents: MaudMash

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Our new Dean of the College Maud Mandel seemed a little jealous that her predecessor (and our obsession) Katherine Bergeron had a BlogDH original game named after her, BergeMash. So we decided we needed to give Dean Mandel her own game. After a genius idea from one blogger extraordinaire, we put our heads (read: Facebook comments) together and came up with MaudMash.

Here’s how it works: think of a place or building on Brown’s campus. Make it into a musical artist or band. Make it punny. Bam, you just MaudMashed. Check out the ones we’ve come up with, and as you’re walking around campus, open your Spotify (or Blogify) and come up with your own!

 

Main Campus

Beyonsayles Hall
Main Green Day
Gene Simmons Quad (formerly Linkin Field)
alt-JWW
Jessie JWW
J. Walter Wilson Phillips
J. Walter Will Smith
Aqualung Family Gallery

Dorms

Slater Hall and Oates
Littlerichardfield
MøChamp
Young O the Giant
Klingandrews
Keane-y
Neil Young O
EminemWool
Samantha Bronson
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We have new writers! Meet the BlogBabies of Fall 2014

It’s the most wonderful time of the Fall semester – that’s right, it’s the time when the leaves start changing colors, the air gets crisper, and we welcome a brand new set of staff members to BlogDailyHerald.  We have added 11 new writers and 3 new creative team contributors to our squad, making it one of the largest classes of BlogBabies to date. In order to get them acquainted, we asked that they conduct interviews of one another. Read below to learn what makes each of them tick, what their coveted Blue Room muffin is, and of course, their favorite historical figure.

TaylorNapoleon

Taylor DeRosa ’16:  Let me introduce you to Taylor DeRosa, or Tazlor DeRosa, the name she wrote down on her SAT (three phone calls with CollegeBoard later and she’s here at Brown!). She hails from New Haven, Connecticut, about which “there’s nothing weird”… that she’s willing to put online, at least. One of Taylor’s many feats is having re-learned how to walk at age twelve. Not to mention being the best football player in all of New England, despite her many concussions. Taylor mostly loves cartoons, although Courage the Cowardly Dog is too scary for her. Her favorite cartoon is Scooby Doo; in fact, she has been Scooby for the past five Halloweens, following the tragic demise of her Mulan costume. Taylor has been through many highs and lows, from a night spent on a bench in JWW to being a proud one-time winner of Settlers of Catan. Here at Brown, Taylor spends her time Poller-Bearing, bringing Thai food to the theater, eating pot stickers in the night, giving life advice to her Meiklebabies, and pretending to be a pancake. Taylor’s favorite historical figure is Napolean, only because she didn’t think the world could handle her face photoshopped onto Jesus.

Marco_Polo_Silverman

Hannah Silverman ’16:  If you’ve ever gone to the Blue Room and wondered, “Who is this ravishing woman serving me muffins?” look no further. It was Hannah Silverman, formerly known as the Patron Saint of Accidental Arson (ask her about it). A New York City native, Hannah Silverman excels at many things: photography, navigating public transportation, and doubting things. That said, she only just learned to ride a bicycle, so keep your admiration in check. If asked to name her greatest strength, Hannah might say it’s cooking. Tazlo Taylor DeRosa would say it is Hannah’s uncanny ability to seduce foreign men. At the moment, Hannah is preoccupied by the broken lightbulb in her bathroom, as she fears peeing in the dark. Hannah’s favorite historical figure is Marco Polo not because he is a famed explorer but because he is the namesake of her #1 fav game.

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buddy

Drunk/Sober/High: Pizza and Politics with Buddy Cianci

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The man himself.

Getting to Ale House

Drunk: I decided to bring my illicit substances to pregame the event with High because it felt too lame to drink by myself. High showed me this game where you can be a goat and roam around the Goativerse. I made fun of him for five minutes, but he convinced me to pay $5 and download the app for myself. By the time it downloaded, I wasn’t completely on my game and it took me ten minutes to figure out that the reason that I wasn’t moving forward was because I was continuously hitting the “collapse” button that made my goat fall to the floor. Walking over to the event, I pretended that High was the goat in the game and kept hitting them so that they would “ba” on command. We arrived 40 minutes late.

Sober: At exactly 7:25, I put my Portuguese textbook away, and left Faunce in a hurry. I only had to walk two blocks, but I wanted to make sure I got to Ale House early enough to secure a seat, and more importantly, to get some pizza. My studies in the two hours prior had deterred my attention away from eating for the first time that day, and I was banking on Buddy’s “get together” for some much needed sustenance. By the time I got to the front doors, I was still two minutes early and decided to text Drunk. I knew it was a long shot, but I wanted to see if they were on their way to know whether or not waiting outside would have been worth it. The only salvageable information from Drunk’s response told me that they were running late because High couldn’t stop playing some “goat game.” I waited outside for another three minutes, but my cravings got the best of me.

High: There’s a great new game called Goat Simulator. Whatever you’re doing, especially if it’s getting ready to go to a Buddy Cianci campaign event, get Goat Simulator.

Ale House Pre-Buddy

Drunk: I arrived to the Ale House with one mission and one mission only: to convince everyone that Goat Simulator was all that they were missing in their lives…until someone from the Cianci campaign gave me a free t-shirt and then I felt my sense of purpose was getting High a t-shirt as well. Wow, I am such a good friend. I found a lady with a t-shirt and told her why High really, really, really needed a t-shirt. After a 2 minute explanation, she weirdly told me that she was just there for the event and that she didn’t know where I could get a t-shirt. My t-shirt did a really great job collecting my pizza sauce. I really wanted to ask someone if the sauce on the pizza was made by Buddy.

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A reflection on nude body painting

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It was the kind of thing that I wanted to do alone, but needed a push in order to get there, alone.

Then again, I should probably ask myself: how alone did I expect to feel surrounded by fifty naked bodies?

Nudity in the Upspace was exactly how it describes itself, and that was the most surprising part of it all. It was nudity, and it was in the Upspace, and that was that. When I entered the room, there wasn’t a red carpet. There wasn’t a naked phe waiting on their knees to remind me how beautiful my shoulders were. There were no pamphlets, no introductions, and no emptiness. There were people, and they were naked, and there was paint on their hands and arms, and down their backs. That was, essentially, it.

The first things that hit me were the bodies and the smell. Everyone stood so nonchalantly that you might’ve thought they were wearing invisible clothing. You don’t realize that you’ve never seen dozens of naked bodies in a room at once before until you see dozens of naked bodies in a room at once. That sounds a lot more obvious than it feels. The air was kind of tangy, like body odor mixed with body odor. It’s just a smell, and we all know what it is. It’s like the way sex leaves itself behind in a bedroom.

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The Netflix Files: Is the Man Who is Tall Happy?

IsTheManWhoIsTallHappy_Promo

I’ll admit this up front: if your main goal in watching Is the Man Who is Tall Happy? (2013) is to arrive at an answer to the titular question, you’ll be disappointed. Almost none of the film’s meandering 88 minutes, if any at all, are devoted to meditations on correlative assessments of height and happiness.

It is hard, in fact, to say what the 88 minutes are devoted to–the movie covers so much ground while moving so slowly that it’s hard to understand, when it ends, how it’s been less than six hours, much less an hour and a half. Some of this impression may come from the altered mental state in which I watched Is the Man Who is Tall Happy?, but that caveat is not at all beside the point, since I can give the film my wholehearted recommendation only to those planning on ingesting herbal enhancements before viewing. Luckily, its availability on Netflix instant play ensures this is a feasible pre-watching activity.

Indeed, Is the Man Who is Tall Happy? is, while perhaps far from stereotypical stoner cinema, an essential entry into the genre. What it is–and I apologize for taking so long to get to the point–is a 90-minute conversation between the linguist Noam Chomsky (calling him a linguist is like calling Da Vinci a painter) and French filmmaker Michel Gondry (whose filmography includes, among others, cult classic Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, for which he won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay).

The genesis of the film, Gondry explains at the outset, came from his interest in Chomsky’s ideas dating back to his appearance on “some DVDs [Gondry] picked up at the video store a few years ago.” What DVDs those are, or why any profit-maximizing video store would stock them, is another point entirely, but Gondry quickly goes on to describe Chomsky as “the most important thinker alive,” presented as a quote from no one in particular.

He set out to interview Chomsky–twice, it turns out–and supplement the audio of the interviews with animation because “animation is clearly the interpretation of the author… it’s up to [the audience] to decide if they’re convinced or not.”

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