New writer profiles: Welcome to the internet, Blog babies

A new semester brings new beginnings and, of course, new Blog writers. We’ve got a rambunctious crew this time around and we can’t wait to see what the new Blog Babies will bring to the proverbial table. They’re already writing up a storm, so be sure to keep an eye out for their new content! BlogDailyHerald presents to you our latest additions to the staff:

Jack Parker: Jack Parker (great name, right? such a “first-y last-y”) is the coolest Dad to be joining BlogDH this semester. Mr. Parker, as his kids’ friends call him, is currently a floating freshman, not having decided what to study. A lifelong New Yorker, he loves all New York sports teams, especially the Yankees (as a Boston native, it was painful for me to write that). A true “cool dad,” he has his finger on the pulse: he loves Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones, in addition to every Will Ferrell movie ever made. He plans on attending “Brown Only Karaoke” every week for the rest of the year.

-Lana del Foreplay

sashalandLana del Foreplay: To quote Shakespeare: “What’s in a name?” For Lana del Foreplay, the answer is everything. Dedicated to the study of all things sex-related throughout her time in college, Lana felt truly awakened after her semester in FemSex. When the opportunity to write Sextion came about, she could not resist the opportunity to embrace her inner Samantha Jones (not Carrie Bradshaw, she sucks). As a second semester senior, she may not know what she’s doing next year, but she does have plenty of jobs lined up (get it?). Despite her love of casual hook-ups and sex, she is still looking for someone to kiss under Soldiers Arch at midnight.

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Drunk/Sober/High: Mister Sister

One snowy Saturday, three bloggers decided to get drunk, sober, and high and go to Sky Zone Indoor Trampoline Park. Upon arrival, they were informed that the wait time was over two hours. After contemplating bribing small children with candy for their special orange Sky Zone socks or sneaking into an 8-year-old’s birthday party, they decided it would be best to put their jumping plans on hold. What was Plan B, you might ask? No, not ceramics painting, or attending the Providence Children’s Museum. The bloggers decided to venture to Wickenden Street’s own sex shop, Mister Sister. There, they stumbled upon a variety of edible sex items and decided to try–or in this case just taste–them. 


A taste (get it?!) of what’s to come…

High: I’ve been to Mister Sister before (guilty), but never bought anything. I think I might want to touch everything. I hope the employee working there can’t tell I’m high. Wow, I never realized how many random fucking fast food restaurants there are in Rhode Island.

This place is awesome and freaky at the same time. If you’ve never been in, you should go. I’ve always wondered why we have a campus sex shop and not, like, a chopped salad restaurant. I know those things are completely unrelated, but I think I’m still angry about Skewers. Such a waste of space.

Drunk: I didn’t realize just how many shapes could be transformed into a vibrator. Some look like small pebbles that you could skip across a river, while others resemble Gumby. Christian’s Grey’s character makes more sense after flipping boxes to find the price tags – most “toys” were $60+. My budget doesn’t really cover kinky at the moment.

Sober: Drunk is giggling to herself. High keeps touching everything, which for some reason makes me uncomfortable even though I know the display products are clean. Some of these vibrators are so small and cute!!!

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Drunk/Sober/High: Fifty Shades of Grey

fifty shades of bear

*SPOILER ALERT: Fifty Shades of Grey pretty much sucks, no matter how intoxicated you are*

Also, this is our first ever virtual Drunk/Sober/High. The writers saw the movies in separate locations (due to the long weekend), but still, of course, remained faithful to their respective substance (or lack thereof). 

Before the show

D: I sort of failed at pre-gaming for this film, so my friend and I took a ¾ full handle of vodka into the movie theater. Somehow, despite sitting in the front row, we did not get booted out of the theater. We also didn’t boot. The latter might be more surprising.

S: I can’t believe I’m actually at a movie theater on Valentine’s Day waiting to watch Fifty Shades. Is this real life? I look around and the theater’s pretty empty; I get there about 15 minutes early, thinking that it’ll be packed because the hype was so real, but there are probably less than 20 people there, most of whom are couples who, I’d guess, have been married for at least ten years. I’m suddenly extremely paranoid–what if parents that I know show up? What if they’re already here? What if they see me? What if I see them? I glance down the aisle and notice one couple my age sitting a few rows up and I ask myself the following question: in what world would anyone ever see this movie as a date?

H: Upon arriving to the mall, we made a bee line to the food court, snuck Chinese Food combo dinners under our coats, and found our seats in the way back of the theater. I saw quite a few other Brown students there, and I tried calling their names to get their attention but apparently I was only whispering. We smoked again in the theater; we realized we had great neighbors when we heard, “get it girl” after my friend stifled a cough.

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How do Brown students deal with the hair down there?

It started with a quest to answer the question: is the bush reemerging as a trend at Brown? It developed into an extensive investigation into the norms and preferences surrounding pubic hair on campus. Last week, we distributed a survey about the “hair down there” to a bunch people via Facebook. We got 300 responses and this Valentine’s day, we present to you. . . the results!




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Class of 2015 Senior Superlatives: Results

Brunonia, your voices have been heard. Over the past few weeks, you nominated and voted for seniors across 30 different categories of Senior Class Superlatives. The competition was fierce, the nominees led head-to-head campaigns, but now the polls are closed and the votes are in. Let the glory of your classmates ring loud, clear, and true as we introduce the Class of 2015 Senior Superlatives.

Most Likely to be President of the United States: Maahika Srinivasan

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Maahika is absolutely ready to ascend the throne of the United States, having finally mastered the correct pronunciation of “Taco Bell” and understood that a “down” in American football is not something to be sad about. Currently serving as the President of UCS, Maahika has cultivated several crucial leadership skills, such as identifying the best sources for adorable puppy gifs, timing desperate pee breaks in meetings for the exact opportune moment someone is about to ask for a favor, and mitigating every tyrannical decision with follow-up hashtags #sorrynotsorry and #trollsgonnatroll.

Best Friends: Georgia Tollin and Sydney Mondry


Georgia and Sydney became friends the spring of their freshman year when Georgia nursed Sydney back to health from a not-so-brief Mono stint. They agree on almost everything (peanut butter textures, English being the best concentration, and brunch locations), yet they have distinctly different opinions when it comes to movies, cheese varieties, and skiing. They’re known to coordinate their outfits unintentionally (see above), and are used to having people mixing them up all the time. And yes, they are aware that both of their names happen to be geographical locations. Every joke has been made about it. Ever.

Most Likely to Have Their Own Reality Show: Jo’Nella Queen Ellerbe


Jo’Nella Queen Cabrera Ellerbe (Jo’Nella Queen) was born and raised in Spanish Harlem in Manhattan, New York. Jo’Nella has thought long and hard about the very blurb that you are presently reading because 1) she is a writer/poet and words are so important to her, and 2) Because BlogDailyHerald will live on forever as a piece of institutional memory. So here we go. 

From the makers of Top Chef, America’s Next Top Model, and Love and Hiphop we present: God Save Your Queen, a truthful new reality TV series about a Queen searching for a space of her own. Get #prepared for uncontrollable laughter, side eye, those screenshots/receipts she keeps, and the glamour shots as Jo’Nella navigates understanding her various intersectional identities, relationships with family, friends, fans, and love interests while you sip your tea and decide whether the #SupportJoNella2k15 or #StopJoNella2k15 is appropriate for a given episode. Get insight into her favorite meals to cook, her search for spaces to practice singing and journeys from the club to her room to church. Will she end up working in DC or NYC post-Brown? Will she be a lawyer or on a Netflix Original Series?  Who will she retire Baes of Brown to? (also hello hi yes there have been several blizzards but people need to be #ready) What will her next hairstyle be? And her personal Bae situation? Tune into the next episode and find out workshops she’s facilitating next. When, you ask? Tuesday nights on Bravo. 

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Class of 2015 Senior Superlatives: Voting

Last week, we presented our second annual Senior Superlatives. You nominated seniors across 30 different categories. Your job now? Vote for one of the top five nominees in each category!

Remember everyone with a Brown email —freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors, professors, their pets – is eligible to vote. Vote now (after the jump) or forever hold your peace. Voting will close Sunday, February 1st at 11:59 p.m.

Please note: due to a spam-protection feature of our polling system, any one IP address can only submit one round of votes. This means that seniors who live off-campus and share WiFi networks with their housemates may find that the site suggests they have already voted when they have not; please vote either from your phones or through Brown WiFi if you encounter this problem. Email us at if you continue to have issues voting.

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