Avec Meal Plan: The Ratty

Ratty floorplan

Here’s the deal. If you think the Ratty sucks, you’re just high maintenance. No, it’s not three catered meals given to you on a silver tray by Wolfgang Puck, but if you thought it would be, that’s on you. It’s a college dining hall, and when a single kitchen has to serve three square meals a day in a (theoretically) unlimited quantity to thousands of hungry students, I think it deserves to be cut some slack.

The Ratty is not delicious, but that is as much your fault as the Ratty’s. You clearly just aren’t aware of the options available to you. You are making your Ratty experience sucky when it could be distinctly just alright.

The lunch rush happens around 11:50am and lasts till around 12:45pm since, you know, that’s lunch time. Hate lines? Guess what? Not the Ratty’s fault. Eat a nice breakfast and you’ll be able to hold out until 1. Eat an early lunch and you’ll just have a nice afternoon pre-dinner snack. If you can spend time in the Ratty, you have time to make a perfectly tasty and respectable meal.


Bistro/Chef’s Corner:

These are perhaps the two busiest lines of any eatery on Brown’s campus during the lunch rush, but it also serves the main food options, which can be satisfying or mediocre depending on the day. The Bistro station serves breakfast items through the afternoon, and then it switches to hot entrees and sides. Breakfast for lunch is always a good look, and one frequently unconsidered past noon. You are not better than 1p.m. french toast, and don’t you forget it. Chef’s Corner usually serves alternative entrees, but if Bistro is serving something popular (i.e. chicken fingers), then Chef’s Corner will serve it as well. In any case, checking out both sides is usually a good idea.

Apricot noodles with beef is weird, but damn, snaps for bravery.

Continue Reading


PSA: Don’t go outside

No, I want to fucking go back to bed.

No, I want to fucking go back to bed.

If you’re the kind of champion who hasn’t left your bed yet, I’ve got one word for you: don’t. It’s not worth it. The weather is simply dumb right now. You will be wet and cold and miserable and regret having even woken up, despite the extra hour of sleep. You’ll descend into a well of despair so deep you’ll wonder if you’ll ever emerge, if the months of May-August exist only in your imagination, or if you’ll ever find love (You won’t. Love is for dry people). If your grandma was outside, paralyzed, holding a bag of kittens in one hand and the nuclear launch codes in the other, I would still say leave her where she is and get her in the morning. Outside is shitty and it sucks and I hate it.

Fuck this fucking bullshit happening in the sky right now. God is taking a frozen dump on all of our Sundays and the best thing to do is just give up. This stupid fucking snow-rain on November 2nd is unacceptable, and it just means winter is going to be terrible and we should all fucking give up. It’s game over.

Other animals eat all fall, sleep all winter, and have lots of crazy sex when it’s warm out, and just repeat that until they die. Some fucking sick joke was played on humans where we have to walk outside while the atmosphere throws a temper tantrum because we thought fossil fuels were a good idea for like twenty years too long. This isn’t funny and everything is stupid and terrible. Go back to fucking bed.

Image via.


Best places on campus to jump out and say, “BOO!”

We all know that Halloween has one soul (sole. It’s a pun. Like ghosts. Forget it.) purpose. It’s not scantily clad ladies or bags of different kinds of candy that you trade for bags of only Reese’s. It is not for worshipping Satan, the Prince of Darkness, and finally, it’s not, as this confused Google search suggests, for the Grinch (who is a distinctly Christmas character).

Also questionable result: "Family is forever"

Also questionable result: “Family is forever”

No, Halloween is for scaring the shit out of people, and anyone who says anything different (be they sex maniacs, candy lovers, Satanists, or Grinch fans), is kidding themselves. To that end, here are the best places on campus to jump out and say “BOO!”

1. From behind corners.

Duh.

2. Bathroom stalls

Really, it’s genius. “Ladada just minding my own business. Just gonna check HuffPo while I take a quick shit and hope I don’t see someone I know. I’ll just open the door—“ BOO. Their belt is half undone, their pants fall to their ankles, and you walk away with 10 points for Gryffindor. It’s perfect. People going to the bathroom are so unsuspecting and so trusting that everyone in the bathroom is on the same page and won’t try anything tricky. But not you, you comic genius. Not you. 

3. Slam yourself against a window

As demonstrated by that scene in The Dark Knight where that dead faux-Batman body slams against the mayor’s window, this is a scary move for real. Because in the fall, people are so into looking out of their windows like it’s a fun, normal, safe thing, never anticipating the danger that can emerge from the foliage. In this scenario, you are the danger. Danger is your middle name. Good windows include those weird shaped ones on the MCM building, the ones on the basement level of the Rock (THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR STUDYING DURING HALLOWEEK), and the ones on the top of Faunce (as long as no one sees you coming).

Continue Reading


What to do on Parents Weekend, sans parents

I’m not bitter at all, I swear. Really. My parents aren’t coming this weekend and I’m totally fine with that. Like totally. Someone has to watch Millionaire Matchmaker, and Million Dollar Listing, and Mystery Millionaire, and if it’s not going to be my parents, who’s it going to be? They’re heroes, so it’s A-okay with me that they don’t want to drive a whole two hours to see me this weekend. I can have fun anyway. Here’s what to do if your parents don’t love you aren’t coming this Parents’ Weekend:

Go to the a capella/comedy shows

Everyone whose parents think they are worth travelling for (joke! It’s a joke!) will have to be sober for these shows, but you get to be drunk! Lucky you! At improv shows, you can make fun suggestions like, “mama’s boy!”, and “I’m not neurotic!”. You might dwell a little on the possibility that your parents just may have come to see you if you were funny or could sing or had any other talent.

Go out to dinner with your friend’s family

Your friend’s parents are oozing with parental affection and they are ready to cover you in it if you’re in the proximity. Maybe pretend they’re your parents. “Woah, Ms. and Mr. __________, this food sure is good! I’ve been living off of chocolate because I haven’t gone grocery shopping in weeks. See, I’m letting myself go and don’t really see the point anymore.” 

Call home to assert how fine you are

Say things like, “yeah I’m great!”, “Yeah SO busy, good thing you guys didn’t come”, “midterm season, you know? I would barely have any time for you anyway”, and “what? You’re not doing anything? Just hanging around? Sounds fun!”. Consider that your parents might see this article, but then remember that they don’t read BlogDH despite your repeated pleas that they, just, like, check it out. Lots of villains were obsessed with pleasing their parents, like the guy from Inception and the Green Goblin’s son. What a relief that you and your parents are in a really good mental place where you don’t feel inadequate at all, so you won’t become evil. You definitely won’t become evil. People without parents at all turn out great, like Annie and Oliver.

They would have been in Harmo

They would have been in Harmo

Though they could sing.

Image via.


16th Annual Animation Show of Shows

Screen Shot 2014-10-20 at 2.34.52 PM

Last night, RISD Auditorium hosted the 16th Annual Animation Show of Shows, curated by Ron Diamond, founder of ACME Filmworks. It was awesome. That’s really the only word for it. And beautiful. And inspiring. And funny. And disturbing. Okay, there are lots of words to describe it, because each of the films was wildly different, both aesthetically and thematically. Here’s what you missed, with videos embedded where I could find them:

CRAC!

This was weird. It was the epic tale of a quaint French-Canadian village where a rocking chair brings a family enormous joy. The animation style resembled a dancing crayon illustration at a master-level (I clearly lack the vocabulary to talk about animation with any authority). Industrialization rears its ugly head and the chair is thrown away as the village becomes a city. It receives a second life as the chair of an art museum security guard. CRAC!, if your curious, is the sound of a tree falling before it becomes a chair.

Feast

Feast will appear before Disney’s new animated feature Big Hero 6. It is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. A little puppy who loves food is rescued by a man who also loves food. When the man gets a girlfriend, she forces him to eat healthier. The dog hates healthy food. But when the man and woman break up, the man becomes sad and unhealthy It’s then that the dog must decide if he should let his master be unhealthy so he can eat pizza, or if he should help him get the girl back and risk eating spinach.

Marilyn Myller

This is a surrealist, stop-motion short about a sculptor who plays God. It’s in black and white, but the lighting is unreal. The whole thing is impossible to stop looking at, and the end has a surprise twist that pokes fun at self-important artists.

Me and My Moulton

Oh my god, this might have been my favorite. I have never been so into the way animated trees look. It’s 2D and very simple but the humor is so on point. It’s about a Danish girl who wants her parents to be normal, but they are avant-garde and her dad is the only man in town with a mustache. It’s the epic quest to convince your parents to get you a bike. And it’s so good

Continue Reading


FlogDailyHerald: Grocery Stores that aren’t Trader Joe’s

I am off meal plan, which means I go to grocery stores not for the novelty of avocados, but for the necessity of buying edible things to consume so I don’t disappear. There is only one grocery store that does not make this experience unbearable, and that is Trader Joe’s. But before I wax poetic on the glory that is Trader Joe’s, I have a few things to say to its walking distance competitors.

Really, Whole Foods? It’s gonna be like that? Whole Foods is the girl next door. In terms of proximity, it’s doing all the right things. I look at it and see things I know I want. Like chocolate covered espresso beans. I look over and see things I totally could see myself wanting. Like goji berries. I have never seen a goji berry in my daily life, which puts them on the same plain of existence as blue raspberries and unicorns.

My favorite totally real fruit

My favorite totally real fruit

But damn. Goji. What a fun name for a berry I want inside of me. Unfortunately, I cannot spend $12 on a bag of magic berries which, all told, contains two hundred calories. In my fight to stay alive, I cannot spend $120 on two-thousand calories.

Nuts! Those can sustain me. Just kidding. Almonds are also $12. I recently saw a paper bag from Whole Foods that said ‘collards are the new kale’. What does that even mean, Whole Foods?! Collard greens have been around forever. The Ratty has them on soul food night. That’s how not-new they are. Guess what, Whole Foods. I’m going to do three laps around your free sample circuit and call it a meal.

Continue Reading