25* Things Learned from Freshman Year

Our editors asked us to make a list of 50 things we learned during our freshman year–so naturally we decided to do 25. Blog is S/NC right??

i have no clue what this is

1. Points are not unlimited.

Hank: I made it rain in the Blue Room the first week of first semester… until all of my points were gone.

Jack: I took a little longer than Hank to realize this cold truth. To be honest, I didn’t really know what points were. Turns out points are just a cute way of saying money.

2. How to Navigate the Gender-Neutral Bathrooms.

Hank: My only tip for any user of a communal, gender neutral bathroom is to wear someone else’s shoes.

Jack: I only wear Hank’s shoes.

feet

3. What is open late late night.

Hank: Sometimes you need food past Jo’s hours: that is the beauty of Foodler (New York Pizza is my spot).

Jack: Hank is a much better authority on this since rumor has it that he actually lives in one of the booths at Jo’s.

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SNL’s Stefon’s Guide to Summer

If the Hangover, Godfather, and Spider-Man franchises taught us anything, it was that you can never ruin something great by doing it not once, not twice, but three times. So, here is Stefon is back to give you the hottest tips on the hottest parties for what is sure to be the hottest summer ever (#globalwarming #parties).

stefon

If you don’t know who Stefon is yet, that means you have no life and don’t enjoy laughter; it also means that you don’t read my blog posts, which is hurtful, rude, and you should just leave. Stefon’s return to Blog marks the end of the year, and the beginning of summer. I (Hank as Stefon) could not be more excited for summer, so without further ado, here is a list of hot parties (pun very much intended) to look out for this summer.

The hottest party this summer is… pool party. Everyone has that one friend they pretend to be friends with because they have a pool. So make sure to text that loser and act like you are interested in how their year was and secure yourself an invite to their above ground pool now. Cool off poolside, with some skunked beers from the trunk of your friend’s dad’s car, your swim shirt (not because you aren’t comfortable with your body, but because surfers wear them, and surfers are cool, just like you), and deflated floaties. Pools are dope, and so are you, so why would’t you kick it poolside? Nothing is more fun then swimming through all the dead leaves and bugs floating on the top of the water! Fun pool games include trying to hold your breath underwater for five minutes, belly flop contests, and swimming the butterfly.

A good example of a pool party

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Frosh-cessities: Spring Weekend advice for newbies

party

A couple years back, some freshman bloggers sat down with our older staff members to learn what to expect from Spring Weekend. Now those freshmen are all growns up and ready to play mentor to a whole new generation of little ones. Hence, I sat down in an exclusive interview with (an anonymous) one of them and got all the hot and important tips for Spring Weekend. If this is your first Spring Weekend, check out the advice below for all the information you need to enjoy the weekend!

What is your number one piece of advice for Spring Weekend? 

Make sure you eat a lot of alcohol-absorbing foods, like lots of bread. Also don’t be ashamed to go to sleep. It is okay to call it quits on Friday and Saturday night.

What is the biggest mistake you made at Spring Weekend?

Getting too drunk to not remember the acts. As far as I am concerned Chance did not perform.

Any wardrobe advice?

Wear pants and a t-shirt or tank. Sweaters suck when you are in a crowd. Shorts are bad for after.

Craziest thing you have seen at spring weekend?

Kendrick Lamar performing on 4/20 and at 4:20 he noticed some kid wearing Beats headphones and Kendrick called the kid out and said, “This bitch is killing my vibe.”

What time should you get to Spring Weekend? 

Get there on time if you want to see the act. It’s hard to say what time because no one is looking at their watches, but if you are headed to your second pregame you should think again and just go to the concert. Also get there early to see What Cheer? Brigade. Also also, you can’t leave once you get there.

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If Spring Weekend performers actually went to Brown

Yes, the SW performers are coming here but they aren’t going here — catch my drift? A two hour performance does not make you Brown student. But this is BlogDailyHerald, and Hank is back to throw some light on deep hypothetical situations to ramble back. Let us explore what it would be like if Hudson Mohawke, Yeasayer, Pusha T, Waka Flocka, and Modest Mouse got early admissions acceptance Z-listed and were Brown Students.

Hudson Mohawke

Hudson, or Ross Birchard as his mom calls him, is from Scotland (which is like England’s slightly paler cousin). He is a DJ, just like me, but he doesn’t play his iPod unwelcomely at pre-games he is not actually invited to. He is also a producer (whatever that means) on Kanye West’s G.O.O.D Music label. Lastly, he is (the better) half of the DJ duo TNGHT (pronounced tonight). Ok, backstory complete, now the jokes can start!

So what would Hudson be like as a Brown student? I think you could find Hudson throwing out fire jams at Small Victories party at Colosseum, Ultra, or one of those other horrible places. Likely to be constantly mixing beats in his dorm room, Hudson would live on the Main Green and blast music 24/7 out his window. He might learn about Scottish history or maybe he would study music? Both sound like so much…  fun? I reached out to Hudson Mohawke’s people to ask what his favorite food is and if he plays any sports. So far, they have not responded, which is shocking. Would he be in a fraternity? Do fraternities still exist at Brown? Insert monkey emoji here. 

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What’s hot… and what’s not

You have no idea. We do. Let us learn you.

What’s Hot:

Aquatic Life

The outpour of support for aquatic life can be found here. And here. Basically it’s all anyone can talk about nowadays. Hop on the bandwagon and visit an aquarium. Sharks are dope. They kill people, but they are also endangered? Scary but sensitive. Dual-motha-fucking-threat. Like the aquatic Miley Cyrus. Even Lupita Nyong’o wore a dress made entirely out of the jewels of the sea.

Image via

College Basketball

College Basketball. So hot right now. College Basketball. This prediction has been made before. There’s something about the calendar turning to March that makes everyone suddenly interested in college hoops.

Image via

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Brown tours re-visited, sort of

So the original idea for this post was to go on a tour, as a current member of the Brown community, and blog about it. Easy. That is until I fucked it up… twice.

fuckedup

First Mistake: I never actually took a Brown tour when I applied. I was recruited for handball so I just told the coach my stats and sent him my mugshot and I was accepted overnight. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. For this article to actually work, I would have to compare my tour experiences from when was a I perspective student to my experience as a current student. To be honest, I completely forgot I never even toured in the first place, until I started on the tour and thought, “wow what an insightful yet unfamiliar experience.”  Then I remembered that when I visited campus with my dad we ended up skipping the tour to eat Nice Slice. Oh, how things haven’t changed.

Second Mistake: This is less of a mistake and more of a weird, humiliating public experience. I snuck my way onto the tour, unbeknownst to anyone that I was an enrolled student, and was en route to a hard hitting, enthralling, and emotionally charged blog post. As I stood there, scrambling notes on all I observed, someone bumped into me from behind and screamed, “Oh shit! You broke my fucking headphones.” The group of 30 prospective students, their helicopter parents, and the three lovely tour guides all turned and looked at me. Confused, I swung around and saw a 12 year old kid and his friends all staring in shock at a now ripped in half pair of Beats headphones.

Quick recap: everyone’s attention is now on me, the creepy and mediocre blogger taking notes, and there is a visibly angry and upset teen, his group of friends, and an allegedly broken pair of neon-green Beats.

The guides managed to start their tour, but the gaggle of friends still lingered. I could feel their angry, pre-pubsencent stares on the back of my neck. “Hey dude, you broke my headphones,” and “What the hell, you ruined my Beats” was yelled at me, but I just kept trying to pay attention and follow the tour.

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