Posts by Heather HotPants

Chances are you’ve already heard plenty of reasons to scare you from having sex — particularly if you are a woman or a homosexual male. All over the planet we’ve got rules about what we shouldn’t be doing and whom we shouldn’t be doing.

What are some of the things about sex you’re supposed to fear?

1. Pregnancy
2. Rape (apparently, ladies, if you have sex or even flirt with a guy, then you’re probably asking for sex with anyone at anytime)
3. STIs
4. AIDS (yeah, I know, similar to #3 but this one has historically been directed towards gay males)
5. Being labeled a slut or a manwhore (they even have a sort of slut IQ test for it now)
6. Not being able to have a family  (if you like to have sex with people of your same sex)

At a place like Brown, most of us can shrug off the critics and decide for ourselves which risks we’re comfortable taking. There is, however, one fear voiced quite frequently at Brown and it’s this:

Ruining your chances of establishing a meaningful relationship with someone. [Read more →]

Editorial Disclaimer: This post has been created by college students for college students.  It has been rated NC-17 for its sexual nature and anatomically graphic references. Please proceed at your own risk. Thanks for reading! Love, BlogDH

Valentine’s Day. Couples treat each other to flowers, chocolates and singing Mariachi bands. Your friend opens up her JWW mailbox to discover two tickets to New York from her beau. No fair! What about your box? You glance around Salomon 101 and everyone is passing around Sweetheart candy. Where is your Yum-Yum?

No worries, dear. This Valentine’s Day, Heather Hot Pants is celebrating the other V-Day. No matter if you’re single, hooking up or in something more committed, your little lady spot needs to be pampered, too. [Read more →]

My friend Dave has this theory: you can’t have sex without getting attached. Or, more precisely, only old, divorced ladies can have sex without getting attached. But me, the college student, running around filled with hormones, tripping over my own shoelaces, getting hysterical when I get a new text message, getting hysterical when I don’t get a new text message, me, I can’t really have sex without getting attached, so maybe I should stop kidding myself.

As college students and proud members of the Y Generation, we’ve created an interesting social system. These aren’t the ordered days of the 1950s, where you had sex in the back of a Chevy at a drive-in movie with your going-steady boyfriend. Nor are they the wild days of the ’70s, where orgasms floated around in the air anonymously like dandelions and no one knew about HIV.

It’s 2012, and we’ve constructed something in the middle. We’re too busy for commitment, but we’re also too busy to go around looking for a new mate every night of the weekend. We’re focused on bagging that perfect summer internship, working hard in school, and being independent. So we’ve invented booty calling, sexting, and hooking up. [Read more →]

Sexction, a column titled with a gratuitous “C” debuts this semester with a shorter, leaner name: Sextion. You’re welcome.

These eight resolutions will help balance your love life and improve your skills in the bedroom. A must for the cold season that awaits!

1. Work out – probably on your list of resolutions already, exercise is great for both you and your partner. Psychologically, it will boost your self-esteem and help you feel better naked. Physically, it will help you get strong and limber to try new positions and gain stamina to last longer. The hormones don’t hurt either. Working out helps release important hormones like testosterone, which gives you the urge to get feisty pronto. As one of my friends says, “Every time I work out, I just want to go back to my dorm and have sex with my boyfriend!”

2. Journal – When you find yourself freaking out about a partner, you can write about it instead of embarrassing yourself and texting him/her (come on, you know you shouldn’t!). [Read more →]

Author’s note: I used “gay” in this article to mean gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, queer, trans. I’m sorry if I should have used a more inclusive term but gay and homo are the most common terms I use with my friends. I know this isn’t the same thing as being transsexual, for example. Please feel free to include yourself under any, all, or none of the terms used in the article. I apologize in advance if I insult anyone, it’s not my intention.

At Brown, the sexuality spectrum runs the gamut from straight as an arrow to gay as RuPaul. Our campus is more colorful than ROY G BIV, so it’s rare to find a truly homophobic voice on campus. That’s not to say that everyone on campus open-heartedly embraces freedom of sexuality, but I can’t remember the last time I heard an openly hostile homophobic argument within the Van Wickle Gates. If you want to hear a discussion on the sanctity of the institution of marriage, you’ll probably have to wait for the next spicy Janus lecture series.

But recently something struck me as equally noxious on this campus – homohesitancy. What is homohesitancy? And how do you know if you’re infected with it? Before I get there, let me tell you a story to illustrate the point. [Read more →]

Editorial Disclaimer: This post has been created by college students for college students.  It has been rated NC-17 for its sexual nature and anatomical references. Please proceed at your own risk. Thanks for reading! Love, BlogDH

My last post on blowjobs was simple. Male anatomy is straightforward – the crooked ones included. But lady territory is a whole different ballpark.

[Read more →]

Editorial Disclaimer: This post has been created by college students for college students.  It has been rated NC-17 for its sexual nature and anatomical references. Please proceed at your own risk. Thanks for reading! Love, BlogDH

Thanksgiving is around the corner. Finding a way to tell your partner “I’m grateful to have you in my life” can be tricky. Flowers? Too corny. A card? Overdone. Oral sex? Now there’s an idea! [Read more →]

1. SciLi – For fans of both physical sciences and fornication, no location matches the classic, oh-so-phallic Sciences Library. The best part about this place is that it’s easily accessible. Just swipe right in and ride the elevator until you find an abandoned floor. Finding a deserted stack is the biggest challenge – who knew people still read books? After that, you’ll be riding your partner in no time! Avoid it during midterms and finals.

• Biggest issue with the SciLi: The guards! According to one guard, they are instructed to roam the floors occasionally to check for couples doing the dirty.
• Tips to avoid it? Stay below the 7th floor if you can. And even if you do get caught, not a huge deal. According to the guard, he will “just awkwardly stare.” If that doesn’t work, he will ask you to come downstairs and ask you to leave. They are told to report it to DPS but “DPS never does anything about it.”

2. Glass Room of Faunce – what better way to leave your mark on Brown than choosing its beautiful center of campus for your love-making? Harder to access than the SciLi, but it’s still not impossible. Both the LGBTQ center and the Radio Station offer access to this place. Go through the Emergency Exit door – don’t worry, the alarm won’t go off. Fellow Brunonians innocently taking notes across the street at JWW can see you, so you’ll want to get this done as quickly as possible.

• A tip for wetting the tip: Bring lube. As one Faunce sex veteran told me: “it’s really hard get that turned on in like the five seconds of kissing before you guys try to have sex.” You might want to make a pit stop in the JWW bathroom before your four-legged frolic.

[Read more →]

SexPowerGod. The apex of sexual expression and unleashed sin. An event cherished by Brunonians. I asked seniors to reflect on that cold November night of yesteryear. Based on an unscientific sample of mostly my friends, not a single senior reported what I thought they would say of SPG like “It was awesome!” or “Best night of my four years at Brown.” Instead, this is what I heard:

“I thought it was going to be a crazy time. I wore a cape and underwear. I danced with some people but I think [I] mostly felt awkward and didn’t make out with anyone and walked around a lot.”

“It was kind of a hot mess and the debauchery was something everyone was expecting but also unexpectedly made everyone feel gross about it afterwards.”

“I was excited as I got dressed for it. But all I remember of the event was thinking, ‘Why are there so many boners in my butt?’”

One message unites all of these stories: the discrepancy between expectations and reality. Everyone has huge expectations for SexPowerGod and for good reason – for Power’s sake, you have to camp out for it! It’s the closest thing Brown will get to Fox news fame (if you don’t count Bobby Jindal). But all this hype leaves much to be desired. [Read more →]

Curious about the photo?

Halloween is no longer a holiday of ghosts and witches. Instead, we have created a holiday for hoes and betches. The astute observer will notice that come the 31^st of October, while the boys on our campus choose something snarky, stupid, or just plain Snooki, a large portion of Brown’s female population uses Halloween to expose as much skin as possible.

Some people think this is a terrific trend toward gender equality. It’s all about choice, say pop culture feminists like Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women (2010). Valenti opposes what she calls the “moral panic” over casual sex and open sexuality. If my roommate feels empowered in a Sexy Cop outfit, then let her be! Embracing her choice brings us closer to a more equal world. Work it, ladies!

Others disagree. Conservative bloggers like Susan Walsh argue that young women are actually doing themselves more harm than good by leaving their dorms in outfits only appropriate for the bedroom. These authors begin with the assumption that all women my age want to be in long-term committed relationships. (For a hilariously scary post, check out Susan Walsh’s blog – bottom line: if you don’t have a boyfriend, you’re a huge failure.) By dressing to imitate porn stars, say these conservative women, we are letting men write the rules by giving them what they’ve demanded for millennia – sex without commitment.

I’m not so sure about either of these arguments. [Read more →]