What to do this week: May 4 – May 10


Tuesday, May 5

Event: Free gel pens and stuff!
Time; 2:30 p.m. – 4:00 p.m.
Location: J. Walter Wilson Lobby

Come get free pens and things for finals!

Event: Library Pizza Night #1
Time: 9 p.m. – 10 p.m.
Location: SciLi Basement

Get pizza in the basement of the SciLi to power through your late night studying.

Wednesday, May 6

Event: Books & Bourbon at New Harvest Coffee & Spirits
Time: 6 p.m.
Location: New Harvest Coffee & Spirits

A discussion of Harper Lee’s famous book, “To Kill a Mockingbird.”

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What to do this week: April 20 – April 26


Monday, April 20:

Event: The Undeground Coffee Shop opening party
Time: 7 – 10:00 p.m.
Location: The Undeground

The new student-run non-profit coffee shop will be celebrating its grand opening tonight with food, live music, and of course, caffeine.

Thursday, April 23

Event: Borges y Yo: Maria Kodama discusses her life with Jorge Luis Borges
Time: 4 p.m.
Location: Pembroke Hall 3rd Floor

María Kodama will be here to talk about life with, and the works of, her late husband, literary master, Jorge Luis Borges. The lecture will be conducted in Spanish.

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Theories why the Blue Room refuses to spread cream cheese


The Blue Room is a great place to get a good meal. Where else but the Blue Room can you walk in at10 a.m. and get a chocolate chip muffin, a sushi roll, and an iced coffee? Despite all the love and admiration for the Blue Room, it has one major problem: why won’t we spread cream cheese? I work for BuDS and have never gotten a real answer. This may seem like a ridiculous problem to have with such a great place. Thanks to extensive socratic research and analysis, compiled here are the best theories of why we won’t spread for you.

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Rhode Island has put stringent regulations on the cream cheese business.

As many people know, Rhode Island is a corrupt very particular state. It has laws and regulations that are unique, perhaps, to its Puritanic heritage. Some examples of rational laws in Rhode Island are as follows:

1) It is against the law to throw pickle juice at a trolley.

2) It is against the law to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

These make sense, and they reflect the strict social controls the Ocean State has drafted over the years to uphold its morally sound society. Would it be so crazy to think that Rhode Island passed an anti-cream-cheese-spreading law?

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Brown has a financially selfish ulterior motive.

Brown has made some ambitious investments in the butter industry. Brown will take any opportunity it can to deter its students from using cream cheese. Fact.

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What’s hot… and what’s not

You have no idea. We do. Let us learn you.

What’s Hot:

Aquatic Life

The outpour of support for aquatic life can be found here. And here. Basically it’s all anyone can talk about nowadays. Hop on the bandwagon and visit an aquarium. Sharks are dope. They kill people, but they are also endangered? Scary but sensitive. Dual-motha-fucking-threat. Like the aquatic Miley Cyrus. Even Lupita Nyong’o wore a dress made entirely out of the jewels of the sea.

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College Basketball

College Basketball. So hot right now. College Basketball. This prediction has been made before. There’s something about the calendar turning to March that makes everyone suddenly interested in college hoops.

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Why does nobody know about Newton’s tree?

Brown’s campus has over one hundred trees. None of these trees should go unnoticed, but there is one in particular that should stand above the rest. In the center of the parking lot between Hope and George street, an apple tree was firmly rooted. This tree, unlike others like it on campus, came from a graft of the legendary tree that dropped an apple on Sir Isaac Newton’s head, which famously led to his theory of gravity. While Brown’s campus is home to this piece of living history, most people on campus do not even know it exists.

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15 years ago, Professor Humphrey Maris of the Physics department, ordered a piece of the famous tree from a plant nursery. It was no higher than 3 feet when Professor Maris planted the tree in between the Applied Mathematics building and Barus and Holley.

In May 2014, plans for a new Applied Mathematics building were announced. The location was set to be right where the infamous apple tree stands. Construction began in November 2014, and Brown released a picture of the site just days before ground broke. And in the photo: all the trees still firmly rooted into the ground.

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