Posts by Jesse Hartheimer

We Brunonians are already well-versed in the stale slang of our generation. (How many more times can you bear hearing the word swag?) However, just because we go to Brown and use such words, that does not make these words Brown slang. Luckily for you, we’ve taken some Brown-specific words and adapted them for novel uses. Here are a handful of words from the Brown lexicon that we have refashioned to suit your needs:

brown EZ (adj): Indiscriminately sexually active; usually DTF.

“I barely told her my name before I realized her tongue was in my mouth. I’d say she’s brown EZ.”

brown secure (adj): Selectively sexually active; not (immediately) DTF.

“We were DFMOing and he seemed like he was into it, but, after a long night of sleep—just sleep—I realized he was brown secure… or blackout.”

wicky (adj): Of or relating to the hipster / artsy / foodie culture on and surrounding Wickenden Street

“You are an arrogant asshole for refusing this coffee. I’m sorry it’s not the wicky shit your dad’s Hedge fund pays for.” [Read more →]

There’s an unspoken rule here at Brown: The Leung Gallery is a quiet room. The mod space, located above the beloved Blue Room, has no indication of a lowered decibel but has for some reason become a sanctioned study area, known for its wonderfully high ceilings, stylish interior and silence. Those who dare to pass through too loudly are given the stink eye by the students Facebooking hard at work. Woe be the poor soul whose stomach growls uncontrollably, who types too forcefully or who scrapes their chair on the ground upon shifting positions. Depending on the time of day, it can feel more like a stuffy country club than a cozy study space. Leung scholars are relentless when it comes to volume control (…okay, fine, we’re guilty of this too).  The two of us having almost officially moved into the gallery – or the “upstairs Blue Room,” as it has been nicknamed by those who can’t pronounce Leung (again, guilty!) – we have compiled a list of scarring quiet room incidents that may deter you from ever returning to the sacred space.  We’ve also included assorted faces of Kristen Wiig to better illustrate the facial expressions typically made by those who commit the various Leung faux pas:

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Tinder? I barely know her. If you have not yet downloaded the app, you’ve probably seen its (omnipresent) ads. Perhaps you’ve even seen how two of our writers have enjoyed their own Tinder experiences. This remarkably addictive smartphone application has seen a meteoric spike in popularity on campuses all over the nation. Why? Before answering this question, you should first have a basic understanding of how Tinder works.

Now let us unpack the main components of Tinder’s success: [Read more →]

For a high school student, The Princeton Review is the Bible for all things collegiate; for a college student, perhaps less so. How does Brown compete with compare to other colleges this year? Happiest students? Brown gets bronze. Best newspaper? Honorable mention. Quality of Life? Número 11. However, upon closer inspection, it seems that there are several rankings from which Brown has mysteriously disappeared. Here are a few of them:

1. Most Liberal Students. You don’t see any elephants walking around campus, just quite a few asses.
2. Most LGBT-Friendly. Excuse me, Princeton Review, but I believe you are missing a ‘Q’ in there (and maybe some other letters). Do you even remember last year’s Waterman riots?
3. Least Religious Students. “I’m spiritual but not religious.”
4. Reefer Madness. 4/20 on the Main Green reeference.
5. Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians. Wait, you’re telling me that Brown is not on this list? Don’t worry man, it’s chill.

Who made you God, Princeton Review? Do you even believe in him (or capital H-i-m)? “Him,” oh how heteronormative.

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Does Aunt Nancy roast grill you for going to an Ivy? Does Uncle Bob dessert assert that studying philosophy is waste of time? Does cousin Andrew chug bug you constantly? If so, you are probably my brother there are many measures you can take to make your Turkey-time-off more enjoyable. Just swallow follow these 5 easy rules:

1. Get out of the house. Hang out and chew the fat with pie high school friends, visit once-loved spots around the neighborhood, or toss around the old pigskin with some buddies.
2. Bring friends over.  It will improve the manners of your relatives and give them a different person to harass.
3. Spend quality time with siblings. If you don’t see your siblings too often, Thanksgiving is a great time to reconnect with them. See a movie, go on a walk or get hammered with them (if sage age-appropriate).
4. Play family games. Charades, catch phrase, Jenga—you name it! It’s something to do besides argue. Brownie points for games of the drinking variety.
5. Eat, eat, eat! This is not Ratty Turkey we’re talking about—this is real food, seasoned with motherly love and fatherly disapproval.

If these tips aren’t working out, perhaps it’s time to look into winter breaks away from home.

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Ruh-roh! It appears that trutv.com is out to get us! They declared the Brown class “Canine Behavior” as one of the top ten dumbest college classes in the US. They didn’t do their homework apparently, seeing as Canine Behavior is a psych course in CLPS department, and not a biology course as they claim. What this class covers, according to truTV, is “why your dog is barking.” Really truTV? Out of all of the absurd Brown classes, you choose Canine Behavior to poke fun at? What about English 200: On Vampires and Violent Vixens: Making the Monster Through Discourses of Gender and Sexuality?

Biology Professor Marjorie Thompson shared our anger, saying that Canine Behavior “is not anything silly or a joke!” Good try, truTV, but you’re going to need to do better than that.

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Let’s just do away with the witty formalities and face the facts:

1. It is April 20^th.
2. You are probably going to smoke today.
3. Doing this will stimulate your appetite.

If you find yourself in need of “munchies” at any point today, look no further. Here is a list of 5 places on College Hill that will serve your munching needs:

1. The Main Green and Wriston Quad. Not only are several club groups holding bake sales on the Main Green (including Students for Sensible Drug Policy), but there will also be a Gourmet Market on upper Wriston. Yum.
2. The Ratty / V-Dub. For lunch today there are buffalo chicken wings at the Ratty and chicken fajitas at the V-Dub. Just saying. Also, the Ivy Room is always a solid alternative if you’re looking for something a little different.
3. Wings & Things. Feeling a bit lazy and in the mood for some real wings? Well you’re in luck: Wings & Things delivers! Just call (401) 369-7551.
4. Pizza on Thayer. You know the deal. We’ve got Nice Slice, Antonio’s, and even Toledo serves pizza! If you don’t want to let the smoke out of leave your room, you can always order in!
5. Mexican on Thayer. Chipotle. Baja’s. Bagel Gourmet Olé. Gordito Burrito. Just take your pick. Each has its own flavor (except Gordito Burrito, which is simply terrible).

And if paying for food isn’t your thing, there’s never been a better time to eat free or dine trying.
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Pre-Dental Society Meeting
7 pm in Faunce Memorial Room

Light refreshments and snacks (that probably won’t rot your teeth) and carve your own tooth out of soap! This sounds kind of awesome.

Brownies for Hepatitis B Awareness
1 pm onward in JWW

If you enter the lobby of J. Walter Wilson wearing green apparel, Team HBV will hand you a free brownie. Green? Brownies? Did they decide upon those two things for a reason?

And of course, there are plenty more places around Brown to eat. Just go out and explore!

Starting this afternoon, swarms of accepted high school seniors will be buzzing all over Brown’s campus. If you run into one, first apologize, then tell them all about your great experiences here at Brown. Just note: here are some things not to say:

1. Don’t worry, winter is only from October to April.
2. Do you want to come back to my room with me?
3. Rain? Well, you just kind of get used to it.
4. Have you seen the Keeney tunnels yet?
5. It’s not the size of your endowment that counts; it’s how you use it.
6. Can I show you my rapid prototyper?
7. I mean Emma Watson went here…
8. So are you 18 yet?
9. (ADOCH host) Watching porn is soooo much more fun with company.
10. (ADOCH host) Dibs on the left side of my bed!

Diddy wears many hats—that of a rapper, a singer, a record producer, an actor, and a men’s fashion designer, to name just a few. It seems, however, that he must add a new one to his collection: the crown of a Twitter King. He tweets at least a dozen times a day, with tweets that range from serious to silly to absolutely absurd. He was even honored as the number six top Tweeter in Rolling Stone Magazine’s “50 Top Tweeters in Music.” Check out some highlights from his Twitter past, after the jump!

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