Posts by Jesse Hartheimer

For a high school student, The Princeton Review is the Bible for all things collegiate; for a college student, perhaps less so. How does Brown compete with compare to other colleges this year? Happiest students? Brown gets bronze. Best newspaper? Honorable mention. Quality of Life? Número 11. However, upon closer inspection, it seems that there are several rankings from which Brown has mysteriously disappeared. Here are a few of them:

1. Most Liberal Students. You don’t see any elephants walking around campus, just quite a few asses.
2. Most LGBT-Friendly. Excuse me, Princeton Review, but I believe you are missing a ‘Q’ in there (and maybe some other letters). Do you even remember last year’s Waterman riots?
3. Least Religious Students. “I’m spiritual but not religious.”
4. Reefer Madness. 4/20 on the Main Green reeference.
5. Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians. Wait, you’re telling me that Brown is not on this list? Don’t worry man, it’s chill.

Who made you God, Princeton Review? Do you even believe in him (or capital H-i-m)? “Him,” oh how heteronormative.

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Does Aunt Nancy roast grill you for going to an Ivy? Does Uncle Bob dessert assert that studying philosophy is waste of time? Does cousin Andrew chug bug you constantly? If so, you are probably my brother there are many measures you can take to make your Turkey-time-off more enjoyable. Just swallow follow these 5 easy rules:

1. Get out of the house. Hang out and chew the fat with pie high school friends, visit once-loved spots around the neighborhood, or toss around the old pigskin with some buddies.
2. Bring friends over.  It will improve the manners of your relatives and give them a different person to harass.
3. Spend quality time with siblings. If you don’t see your siblings too often, Thanksgiving is a great time to reconnect with them. See a movie, go on a walk or get hammered with them (if sage age-appropriate).
4. Play family games. Charades, catch phrase, Jenga—you name it! It’s something to do besides argue. Brownie points for games of the drinking variety.
5. Eat, eat, eat! This is not Ratty Turkey we’re talking about—this is real food, seasoned with motherly love and fatherly disapproval.

If these tips aren’t working out, perhaps it’s time to look into winter breaks away from home.

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Ruh-roh! It appears that trutv.com is out to get us! They declared the Brown class “Canine Behavior” as one of the top ten dumbest college classes in the US. They didn’t do their homework apparently, seeing as Canine Behavior is a psych course in CLPS department, and not a biology course as they claim. What this class covers, according to truTV, is “why your dog is barking.” Really truTV? Out of all of the absurd Brown classes, you choose Canine Behavior to poke fun at? What about English 200: On Vampires and Violent Vixens: Making the Monster Through Discourses of Gender and Sexuality?

Biology Professor Marjorie Thompson shared our anger, saying that Canine Behavior “is not anything silly or a joke!” Good try, truTV, but you’re going to need to do better than that.

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Let’s just do away with the witty formalities and face the facts:

1. It is April 20^th.
2. You are probably going to smoke today.
3. Doing this will stimulate your appetite.

If you find yourself in need of “munchies” at any point today, look no further. Here is a list of 5 places on College Hill that will serve your munching needs:

1. The Main Green and Wriston Quad. Not only are several club groups holding bake sales on the Main Green (including Students for Sensible Drug Policy), but there will also be a Gourmet Market on upper Wriston. Yum.
2. The Ratty / V-Dub. For lunch today there are buffalo chicken wings at the Ratty and chicken fajitas at the V-Dub. Just saying. Also, the Ivy Room is always a solid alternative if you’re looking for something a little different.
3. Wings & Things. Feeling a bit lazy and in the mood for some real wings? Well you’re in luck: Wings & Things delivers! Just call (401) 369-7551.
4. Pizza on Thayer. You know the deal. We’ve got Nice Slice, Antonio’s, and even Toledo serves pizza! If you don’t want to let the smoke out of leave your room, you can always order in!
5. Mexican on Thayer. Chipotle. Baja’s. Bagel Gourmet Olé. Gordito Burrito. Just take your pick. Each has its own flavor (except Gordito Burrito, which is simply terrible).

And if paying for food isn’t your thing, there’s never been a better time to eat free or dine trying.
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Pre-Dental Society Meeting
7 pm in Faunce Memorial Room

Light refreshments and snacks (that probably won’t rot your teeth) and carve your own tooth out of soap! This sounds kind of awesome.

Brownies for Hepatitis B Awareness
1 pm onward in JWW

If you enter the lobby of J. Walter Wilson wearing green apparel, Team HBV will hand you a free brownie. Green? Brownies? Did they decide upon those two things for a reason?

And of course, there are plenty more places around Brown to eat. Just go out and explore!

Starting this afternoon, swarms of accepted high school seniors will be buzzing all over Brown’s campus. If you run into one, first apologize, then tell them all about your great experiences here at Brown. Just note: here are some things not to say:

1. Don’t worry, winter is only from October to April.
2. Do you want to come back to my room with me?
3. Rain? Well, you just kind of get used to it.
4. Have you seen the Keeney tunnels yet?
5. It’s not the size of your endowment that counts; it’s how you use it.
6. Can I show you my rapid prototyper?
7. I mean Emma Watson went here…
8. So are you 18 yet?
9. (ADOCH host) Watching porn is soooo much more fun with company.
10. (ADOCH host) Dibs on the left side of my bed!

Diddy wears many hats—that of a rapper, a singer, a record producer, an actor, and a men’s fashion designer, to name just a few. It seems, however, that he must add a new one to his collection: the crown of a Twitter King. He tweets at least a dozen times a day, with tweets that range from serious to silly to absolutely absurd. He was even honored as the number six top Tweeter in Rolling Stone Magazine’s “50 Top Tweeters in Music.” Check out some highlights from his Twitter past, after the jump!

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Tonight, starting at 6:00 PM and ending at 6:00 AM, over 800 volunteers will be in the OMAC, fighting for the cure. Relay For Life first began in 1985 when Dr. Gordy Klatt, a colorectal surgeon in Tacoma, Washington, walked and ran around a track for 24 hours to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Since then, one man’s determination to battle cancer has become the world’s largest crusade against the disease, with over 3.5 million American participants each year, as well as thousands of others from communities in 20 different countries across the globe. (It’s the largest fundraising event ever.) [Read more →]

If you still have that gripping urge to ask Ashley, battle Reptar, or drink orange soda (I do, I do, I do, I do-oo), then we have some good news and some bad news for you.

The Good News:

After previous speculation that Nickelodeon would bring back the classics, we now have confirmation that this rumor is true. Our favorite childhood shows will soon premiere on TeenNick after midnight in their original glory. Though the exact shows haven’t been confirmed yet, some of the top contenders include The Rugrats, All That, Kenan and Kel, The Amanda Show, and Pete & Pete, among others.

The Bad News:

Brown IPTV does not have Nickelodeon! Of the eight “Entertainment” channels, we have BET, Cartoon Network, Comedy Central, TBS, TNT, USA, FX, and CW—but no Nick! Cartoon Network gets the green light, but lonely old Nick doesn’t? Blasphemy. Every child of the ’90s knows that Cartoon Network is inferior to Nickelodeon. If (classic) Nickelodeon were Kim Kardashian, Cartoon Network would be Khloé. If Nick were Vince, CT would be Drama. Nick = Batman, CT = Robin. Point landed.

All we can do in this cartoon quandary is stay hopeful. Perhaps one day we will have the opportunity to re-watch those timeless episodes on our own IPTV. Until that time, however, we must learn to manage.

Tired of scrolling through the endless announcements of Brown Morning Mail? Looking for a better place to find out what’s happening on College Hill?  Well, Grant Gurtin ‘13, a San Diego native and the creator of the upcoming BrownU.me, may have a solution for you. His website, which launches this Wednesday at 8:00pm, hopes to become the cozy and reliable home(page) for Brown and RISD students. Read the exclusive interview with Grant after the jump! [Read more →]

It has been an exciting few weeks for colleges across the country, to say the least. Temperatures are rising, spring break is upon us, and  March Madness is basically here. Here are just a few stories to remind you of some recent strange–dare I say ridiculous–events in higher education:

If you are unaware of what’s been happening with Charlie Sheen recently, then just leave now. Charlie Sheen’s influence has inspired people all over our country to try to understand what really matters in life. His many words have been so inspirational that even some GW students want him as their commencement speaker. This GW Facebook page (with over 1,500 “likes”) implores Mr. Sheen to attend GW’s graduation. Other sites have followed, and even our very own Diddy tweeted at him. No one knows what the future hold for Sheen, though we must trust that it will be nothing less than epic.

Not in Providence, but in Provo, Utah, Brandon Davies, one of Brigham Young University’s finest basketball players, was suspended for having premarital sex (#sinning). According to BYU’s honor code, students are required to “live a chaste and virtuous life,” a rule which Davies apparently violated simply for attending sexction. The question remains: how did they find out about Davies’ sexual endeavors? [Read more →]