People You’ve Definitely Seen @the Nelson

Not all of us haul ourselves to the Nelson Fitness Center on a regular basis, but those who do are familiar with many characters. For those curious yet lazy souls who wonder what exactly goes on at the Brown Gym, here’s a quick tl;dg (too lazy; didn’t gym):

Sir Lift-A-Lot

The most daunting type of person to haunt the gym, he’s very likely to be a student athlete. You know the type. He’s probably lifting twice the amount you are, and only stops in between consecutive sets to look you up and down before asking “Do you even lift, bro?”

Nerd Undergoing Transformation

And probably failing. It’s very clear that they have just been dragged along to the gym to spot the Sir-Lift-A-Lots of the world. They can be spotted frequently with a textbook in hand, trying to memorise organic chemistry formulae while pretending to spin.

 That Girl/Guy You Hate

You know the one. They’re always wearing the latest gear (quite possibly from LuLu Lemon, and, as a consequence, extremely overpriced), including water-resistant mascara and lipstick. It doesn’t matter that they’re coming to the gym to work out, because as far as they’re concerned, all the world is a catwalk. Similarly to Taylor Swift, they’ll leave the gym in a clean change of clothes and with eyebrows intact.

(see: Taylor Swift leaving the gym  vs Britney Spears leaving the gym)

Aspiring Social Media Celebrity

That one person who’s too busy posting about their gym routine to do it any justice. You sometimes wonder what they’re trying to prove, and to whom. Then you remember that models on Instagram probably make twice the amount of money you ever will without doing anything, and decide that they’re probably better off than you are.

That Old Man/Woman Who’s Probably Healthier Than You Are

We’ve all seen the odd grandfather or grandmother working the machines at the Nelson.. You’re always mildly worried that they’re about to break their back, but realize after watching them for an hour that they’re more familiar with the gym equipment than you are. You’re torn between self-pity, awe, and the false hope that you will be as active as they are when your first grey hair spurts.


Tell Us Your Favorite Store on Thayer and We’ll Tell You Your Concentration

Most Brown students come into college with firm ideas about what they don’t want to study, but a very vague notion of what they do want to study. The open curriculum certainly doesn’t help them make up their mind. But if you’re one of those lost souls, struggling to declare a concentration, look no further: below are a few simple, effortless guidelines by which you can choose your concentration:

Brown Bookstore

Your major: Econ

You clearly enjoy partaking in extortion. But maybe — just maybe — you’d like to be on the exacting end of an extortion rather than the receiving end. And how better to extort than as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Remember, every billionaire started as a lowly Econ major — and so can you! Just remember that no amount of money is worth selling your soul to the corporate world.

By Chloe

Your major: Biology

You love all things green and organic. You’re probably vegan because you care so much about Providence’s flora and fauna.  You also love telling people around you how much you love animals. Which is a lot. A whole lot.

Fro-Yo World

Your major: Criminal Justice

Well, more specifically Public Policy focused on Criminal Justice. Constantly stuck reading law textbooks, you’re mysterious, elusive and sought out by many — just like the always-in-demand but always-closed Fro-Yo World. Not many people know that behind that innocent façade lives a criminal mastermind. You may look and taste sweet, but rumor has it you’re really just a front for the drug cartel. What’s in those sprinkles?

CVS

Your major: Computer Science

You’re basic AF and what people turn to when they don’t really know what they want. You’re practical and helpful, but also disappointingly unoriginal. You’ll probably end up making a lot of money, but end up burning the midnight oil and working far longer than your friends.

Urban Outfitters

Your major: Visual arts

One word: aesthetic. It’s all about the aesthetic. It doesn’t matter if it’s super expensive and fuzzy and blindingly pink, you live for it. Your friends are quick to compliment you on your keen eye for fashion and all things related.

Spectrum India

Your major: Independent concentration

You’re an independent thinker — you love to mash up things from different places and cultures even though they don’t really make much sense together. No one really knows what you’re doing or if your major is actually real, and sometimes, to be honest — neither do you. You probably need to engage in illegal agricultural activities to write your papers, and by the time they’re done they won’t make sense to anyone but you.