The Naanwich and Other Travesties

A Rant by Someone Who Has Eaten Enough Naans and Sandwiches  To Know that They Should Not Be Combined

When I walked into the Ivy Room for the first time this semester, I did so in desperate pursuit of falafels and pizza. Not necessarily both, and not necessarily in that order, but nevertheless, I was disappointed on all counts. Standing before me was a vast line of fellow Indian students with quizzical looks on their faces. Already, a troubled feeling made itself at home inside my stomach.

I intrepidly walked past my countrymen to peer at the source of their discombobulation. NAANWICH, a sign in bold font proudly read. I blinked in disbelief, but the atrocity before my eyes still remained. I tilted my head in thought. “Uhm, excuse me? What’s a naanwich?” I asked a girl to my right.

“It’s a naan-sandwich,” she deadpanned, rolling her eyes. Oh, god. My suspicions had turned out to be accurate. I smiled tentatively before deferring to the other line, with far fewer customers.

Continue Reading


Class of 2020 Admitted Students Introduction

Post by Noah Etal:

Hey guys… I know I’m a little bit late to the party (this is a poorly-disguised and jealousy-fuelled jab at all you ED folks that got into your first choice) but my mom likes to joke that I’ve been late for everything including my birth. I will now proceed to share even more uncomfortably intimate information about myself in this post, including fun facts about my deep childhood trauma and commitment issues.

However, I’m already 100 words in, so I also think I’m long overdue to humble brag about the Pulitzer-winning book I published last year. Oh, and I’ll also casually mention how I found the cure for cancer last week, but I haven’t really accomplished much in my teenage years.

Just in case you guys are still intimidated by the little that I have actually managed to accomplish, I’m going to try and seem relatable by mentioning a few things here that no one actually likes but pretends to because they’re supposed to be so niche. So here are a few things about me:

  1. I love Rick & Morty! I mean, I feel like I’m much smarter than Rick, but whatever.
  2. And now, just to seem well-rounded, I’m going to tell you how sporty I am and how much I love basketball, even though I’ve only played it once and broke my hand while being tackled.

3.To bring it home, I’m going to drop casual references about how much I love to play guitar, even though I actually only know how to play an Em chord.

  1. I never really did much in high school besides build my resume so I’m kind of running out of things to list here.

Anyway… enough about me! I want to know something about you guys too- (well not really, but my mother said I won’t make any friends if I only talk about myself). What are your favourite plants? (Mine’s tickseed!! I love the way the seeds cling to your clothes- kinda like Desperation- by Marc Jacobs, obviously.)

Either way– it was nice talking to you guys, but I have to go listen to Tchaikovksy while I reconcile quantum and classical physics now! HMU if you wanna get to know each other J

I’ll see you guys in September!! (unless I get off the waitlist for Princeton)

 

O.Vera Cheever, Gogh Geter and 13 other people like this.

Comments:

O.Vera Cheever So maybe its a little cliche but I feel like Rick & Morty is kind of stupid. I prefer documentaries about the economy- any Econ majors wanna HMU?

Bizzy B @O.Vera OMG same— message me

 

People You’ve Definitely Seen @the Nelson

Not all of us haul ourselves to the Nelson Fitness Center on a regular basis, but those who do are familiar with many characters. For those curious yet lazy souls who wonder what exactly goes on at the Brown Gym, here’s a quick tl;dg (too lazy; didn’t gym):

Sir Lift-A-Lot

The most daunting type of person to haunt the gym, he’s very likely to be a student athlete. You know the type. He’s probably lifting twice the amount you are, and only stops in between consecutive sets to look you up and down before asking “Do you even lift, bro?”

Nerd Undergoing Transformation

And probably failing. It’s very clear that they have just been dragged along to the gym to spot the Sir-Lift-A-Lots of the world. They can be spotted frequently with a textbook in hand, trying to memorise organic chemistry formulae while pretending to spin.

 That Girl/Guy You Hate

You know the one. They’re always wearing the latest gear (quite possibly from LuLu Lemon, and, as a consequence, extremely overpriced), including water-resistant mascara and lipstick. It doesn’t matter that they’re coming to the gym to work out, because as far as they’re concerned, all the world is a catwalk. Similarly to Taylor Swift, they’ll leave the gym in a clean change of clothes and with eyebrows intact.

(see: Taylor Swift leaving the gym  vs Britney Spears leaving the gym)

Aspiring Social Media Celebrity

That one person who’s too busy posting about their gym routine to do it any justice. You sometimes wonder what they’re trying to prove, and to whom. Then you remember that models on Instagram probably make twice the amount of money you ever will without doing anything, and decide that they’re probably better off than you are.

That Old Man/Woman Who’s Probably Healthier Than You Are

We’ve all seen the odd grandfather or grandmother working the machines at the Nelson.. You’re always mildly worried that they’re about to break their back, but realize after watching them for an hour that they’re more familiar with the gym equipment than you are. You’re torn between self-pity, awe, and the false hope that you will be as active as they are when your first grey hair spurts.


Tell Us Your Favorite Store on Thayer and We’ll Tell You Your Concentration

Most Brown students come into college with firm ideas about what they don’t want to study, but a very vague notion of what they do want to study. The open curriculum certainly doesn’t help them make up their mind. But if you’re one of those lost souls, struggling to declare a concentration, look no further: below are a few simple, effortless guidelines by which you can choose your concentration:

Brown Bookstore

Your major: Econ

You clearly enjoy partaking in extortion. But maybe — just maybe — you’d like to be on the exacting end of an extortion rather than the receiving end. And how better to extort than as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Remember, every billionaire started as a lowly Econ major — and so can you! Just remember that no amount of money is worth selling your soul to the corporate world.

By Chloe

Your major: Biology

You love all things green and organic. You’re probably vegan because you care so much about Providence’s flora and fauna.  You also love telling people around you how much you love animals. Which is a lot. A whole lot.

Fro-Yo World

Your major: Criminal Justice

Well, more specifically Public Policy focused on Criminal Justice. Constantly stuck reading law textbooks, you’re mysterious, elusive and sought out by many — just like the always-in-demand but always-closed Fro-Yo World. Not many people know that behind that innocent façade lives a criminal mastermind. You may look and taste sweet, but rumor has it you’re really just a front for the drug cartel. What’s in those sprinkles?

CVS

Your major: Computer Science

You’re basic AF and what people turn to when they don’t really know what they want. You’re practical and helpful, but also disappointingly unoriginal. You’ll probably end up making a lot of money, but end up burning the midnight oil and working far longer than your friends.

Urban Outfitters

Your major: Visual arts

One word: aesthetic. It’s all about the aesthetic. It doesn’t matter if it’s super expensive and fuzzy and blindingly pink, you live for it. Your friends are quick to compliment you on your keen eye for fashion and all things related.

Spectrum India

Your major: Independent concentration

You’re an independent thinker — you love to mash up things from different places and cultures even though they don’t really make much sense together. No one really knows what you’re doing or if your major is actually real, and sometimes, to be honest — neither do you. You probably need to engage in illegal agricultural activities to write your papers, and by the time they’re done they won’t make sense to anyone but you.