Anyone who has been to Brown Health Services probably agrees that an old chandelier that glamorous has no business hanging around a f&cking clinic. Neither does that gothic marble flooring, or suspiciously fancy (yet ancient) wooden staircase. In fact, if someone were to wander into Brown Health Services in the late hours of the night, they might even think they’d stumbled onto the set of a low-budget horror flick. I mean, sickly souls are virtually pouring out of each room during daylight… I can only imagine how much worse it gets come nightfall. In fact, if my life was a horror movie, my experiences with Health Services might have gone something like this:
It was midnight. I pushed open the door to Brown Health Services surreptitiously. What was I doing at Health Services this late at night, you wonder? I curse you, reader, for breaking the fourth wall – but if you must know, I was there because the blog received an anonymous tip that something interesting would be going down in Health Services at midnight. Moving on… The door creaked open with a little effort, and slammed shut behind me. I gulped, nervously – the room was pitch dark, but for a single sliver of light glinting off the cracks in the marble floor. I followed the light, but it led only to a computer asking me to sign in with my Brown ID. I rolled my eyes at my paranoia and trekked intrepidly onwards into the darkness.
Or at least, I would have. Before I could take a single step, Despacito began to play from the computer. Horrified beyond all reason, I turned to take a closer look at it. An error message had flashed up on the screen:
“Trespassers will pay. No, seriously. Only Brown students allowed here. If you don’t sign in we can fine you.”
The message was followed by an image of skull and crossbones. I screamed and ran even farther inside Health Services- I would have run back out, but the director said we don’t really do common sense in horror movies- right up the rickety wooden staircase that potentially revealed my location to everyone inside the House. Oh, well. There was probably no one else in there. Whistling carelessly to myself, I turned a corner and headed into the laboratory. Before I could get to the light switch, though, I noticed something sticky on the floor. By the light of my phone (which I forgot I even had on my person until two seconds ago) I examined the liquid carefully. I gasped. It was blood! In the laboratory! Where they conduct blood tests and stick needles into people all the time! Oh, no. Someone had definitely been murdered here. I was examining the blood more closely when I unconsciously stepped forward. “Ouch!” I screamed. I’d stepped on a discarded needle. Dammit. Now my foot was covered in blood, too.
By this time, I was already shivering with fright — despite the fact that Providence was throwing one of its passive-aggressive fits and it was actually 100 degrees out on a winter night. I wanted desperately to leave Health Services- but the stubborn protagonist inside me (not literally, mind you!) wouldn’t let me leave. “I must explore more,” I said gravely, stroking a beard I couldn’t grow by virtue of the fact that I was female. But before I could do so, I felt the sole of my foot. It was soaked with blood, and it was bleeding. Heavily. More heavily than a simple needle could have made it… I needed to fix this. Frantically, I reached into my Brown backpack (AVAILABLE NOW! AT THE BROWN BOOKSTORE! FOR 1 MILLION DOLLARS ONLY!) and pulled out my laptop. Like every Brown student before me, I relied on my laptop- it had been my confidante and companion through the most daunting of adventures- whether midterms, or haunted houses. Quickly, I Googled ‘worrisome bleeding’, and clicked on the first link I saw. It was WebMD, and it told me I had menorrhagia. F@ck, I cursed mentally. Health Services was weakening me. It was draining my life-source. I was Superman and Health Services was my kryptonite. I was a homesick freshman and Health Services was my flu season – wait a second, that wasn’t quite right…
I was broken out of my reverie by a creaking noise. I crept out of the laboratory to locate the source of the sound. It was the elevator. It was opening slowly… my heart leapt into my throat. I was sweating like crazy and beginning to feel feverish, and I wished more than anything that it was daytime so I could get that checked out- but alas, to no avail. It was still dark outside. The elevator seemed blissfully unaware of my internal diatribe, and took its own sweet time opening. When it opened, there was nothing there. A chill ran down my spine. F%ck this shit, I’m out, I decided. I ran towards the elevator before it closed and pressed the ‘0’ button. Because, you know. It’s faster than the stairs. And the stairs put a lot of pressure on your knees. And – Dammit, I was just feeling lazy, okay?!? The elevator closed rapidly- more rapidly than it had opened. Already a sinking feeling was taking over my stomach. Maybe I hadn’t thought this through… I closed my eyes and prepared for death via some supernatural entity or menorrhagia- whatever took me first, I wasn’t picky, really.
However, before anything too terrible could happen, the elevator doors pinged open and released me none too graciously onto the ground floor. I ran through the labyrinthine corridors of the first floor and barrelled through the doors of Andrews House (13 Brown Street, FYI, GET YOUR FLU SHOTS NOW!) out into fresh air. Then I stopped for ten seconds to catch my breath because I hadn’t been to Nelson in like, weeks. After that, I called an Uber home so I could get away from Health Services ASAP. Reaching home, I tumbled into bed only to have terror wash over me as I realised something: I had forgotten to turn in my midterm paper…
This Sunday, I had the distinct honor of interviewing some of Brown’s most renowned: the Moderators of the Blueno Bears Admirers page. To maintain their anonymity, their names will not be mentioned during the course of the interview transcript. They will be referred to as Moderators 1 and 2 (numbers assigned by alphabetical order.)
This interview has been edited for clarity.
Why keep your identities a secret?
Moderator 2: To maintain the mystique of Blueno. We didn’t invent Blueno, and it’s not our symbol to define; we want people to have their own ideas of what Blueno means to them. It’s also easier to pour your heart out to a lovable, loving teddy bear instead of being self-conscious about the admins who run the page. And it’s harder to send us personalized hate mail when you don’t know who we are.
Moderator 1: On BBA, every post is anonymous, so to keep in style, we should be anonymous, too. We want to be cognizant that people of different backgrounds and identities can project themselves onto Blueno, and we don’t want to stand in front of that. We don’t want the dynamic to be swayed or changed by their perception of the people fronting everything, so we think we’ll stay behind the bear for now.
What made you decide to start Blueno?
Moderator 1: Because we’re a bunch of narcissists! Just kidding, there are other reasons, too. Our predecessor Brown Bears Admirers was like a little bit of magic on campus. It made people really happy. It was an important part of campus culture. There’s definitely still a need for that kind of a platform on campus. I had never received a BBA post about me, and I really wanted one, so I was like, hey guys, let’s make a platform for this.
Moderator 2: I really missed BBA after it disappeared in August. I find other online communities at Brown so interesting. They don’t just exist in isolation; people talk about them, and they shape the discourse on campus. They’re just Facebook pages, sure, but they can also legitimately affect people’s lives in a very tangible way. And of course, they’re always making people’s days a little brighter.
How did you start Blueno, and what was the process like?
Moderator 1: We’d been toying with the idea for a while. When Brown Bears Admirers disappeared, everyone on campus was like, “Where’d they go?” Including me. I wanted admiration posts. So, I started prototyping how people would submit things, the moderation process, all that. I ended up following the same tried-and-true Brown Bears Admirers model, primarily built on Google Forms, with a bunch of extra formulas and automation built into Google Sheets. I finished developing it around August, and our first post was on September 9 by (Moderator 2).
Moderator 2: I thought that was you!?
Moderator 1: No, I’m sure it was you.
Moderator 2: I remember the Blueno the Bear page already existed for years; you (Moderator 1) reached out to whoever ran it.
Moderator 1: Yeah, it was owned by a Brown student who graduated a few years ago. I decided to build the secret admirers page from the perspective of Blueno because I thought it would be cool. The Brown alum was down. I pulled the original BBA icon into Illustrator and Photoshop to make it look like Blueno, sort of a visual parody of the original, to communicate that we’re building from the original spirit of BBA.
What about the name?
Moderator 2: The page was initially just Blueno the Bear. But people referred to it as BBA, because it was easier and people knew that it meant the admirers page. So we changed the name to Blueno Bears Admirers.
What are some issues you face as moderators? What do you do with controversial content? Do you ever receive any?
Moderator 1: We get controversial content every day. We have like hundreds, thousands of submissions, but we read and discuss every single one amongst the board of 8 undergraduate students. We spend so much time discussing and editorializing what we should post, and what we shouldn’t. The group chat is always rife with debate. Is this post being sex positive, or is it making an individual uncomfortable? Is this post celebrating an identity, or demeaning it?
Moderator 2: The point is, there’s a ton of social factors in play with everything we post—how does this post affect members of the community? If we censor it, how does that affect people with this identity?
Moderator 1: There’s this fascinating phenomenon where people dissociated from their own names and responsibilities suddenly talk about ethical matters they wouldn’t say out loud. For example, we had that recent controversy with TAs and RPLs “admiring” their students. A lot of people presume that it’s completely acceptable to be attracted to their students and post about it. This is ethically wrong, a potential abuse of power dynamics, and not to mention it directly violates Title IX. We instituted a rule against RPLs and TAs posting about their students in a sexual or romantic way since it was making people—myself especially—feel uncomfortable and unsafe. We got a really surprising amount of backlash for instituting that rule.
Moderator 2: We have some other rules that we’ve developed over time, for example, that it’s not okay to out people’s sexuality or gender without their explicit consent. We have a group chat where we check in five, ten times a day. So, yeah, we sometimes approve discourse-centric posts if they could lead to genuine productive conversations. We don’t want to silence discourse. The primary goal is to be a supportive, positive community. In terms of the discourse we choose to approve, there are a lot of negative outlooks. Sometimes we comment on posts right after we publish them, to directly respond to the post, set guidelines for the future, or to point toward helpful resources.
What do you do if you find a submission is addressed to you?
Moderator 1: I think I react the same way anyone else would. You feel warm and fuzzy, you smile a lot to yourself, then you message your friends, “Did you see this?” and “Who did this?” The only difference between my reaction and yours is that I then perform the narcissistic act of copying and pasting the post onto the page for all to see. Then there’s also the attacks. We censor attacks on other people, we don’t want people to feel hurt from this page. But some posts target us. We’re the only ones who have to see any hateful posts, but that’s sort of a negativity we set ourselves up for.
What are some perks of being a BBA moderator?
Moderator 2: Getting to see all the piping hot tea on campus first!
Moderator 1: You know how you open Facebook, and check if BBA updated? We open up a Google Sheet and see posts the second people click Submit. (To Moderator 2) Should I show her?
Moderator 2: Yeah, I think it’d be cool.
(Here, Moderator 1 demonstrated by posting a pending submission. The intake form was meticulously organised and color-coded.)
Moderator 1: We’re absolutely up to date with the drama on campus. I get to promote the voices of underrepresented identities on campus, especially narratives around LGBTQ people, people of colour – discourse people might shy away from if their names were attached to them.
When we messaged the original BBA, they said they’re “in transition.” Are they your competition? If so, what will you do when/if they resurface?
Moderator 1: It would be great if they came back. If people wanted to migrate back to them, that’s great! We can’t change that. I’d probably go back to using them. As long as there’s a social platform for positive, anonymous voices on campus, moderated in a socially responsible way, I’m happy. Until then, we’re going to keep having fun.
Moderator 2: We messaged them during the summer and asked if they wanted any help. They said they were “in transition and working on it”. They put out one round of posts in August, then nothing. Then we started Blueno to fill the void and we’ve been able to be much more active. So I’m not holding my breath.
What are Blueno’s opinions about Rodent versus Ratty?
Moderator 1: Blueno prefers The Ratty, but he forgives anyone who calls it the “Rodent” if—
Moderator 2: If they leave him a present in mailbox number **** (Moderator 2’s mailbox number censored for anonymity)
Does Blueno have any admirers? Who would he admire if he could?
Moderator 1: Everyone knows Blueno has a crush on the Nelson bear. Who doesn’t. He’s buff as hell.
Moderator 2: How could he not? There’s also a torrid past between Blueno and the rock tree, but why bring up history?
Moderator 1: And Marcus Aurelius on equestrian has been eyeing Blueno for quite some time, but who knows when he’ll make a move.
What does Blueno mean to you?
Moderator 2: Well, there was initially a lot of controversy about the statue, his funding. And obviously, lots of schools have a bear as their mascot. But Blueno is his own thing, his own icon, he’s not just a generic teddy bear. Blueno is unique to Brown, Blueno is blue—
Moderator 1: Blueno is blue? Hot-take.
Moderator 2: Thank you. He’s quirky, a little weird, but we still love him. That says a lot about the Brown community. He’s gonna leave eventually, and I’m sad about that. But Blueno’s legacy at Brown will be here a long time even after he’s gone – ideally, with Blueno Bears Admirers sticking around as long as people want it. Blueno sort of gives us a new life, especially if you consider student activities in his hollow interior.
Moderator 1: If BBA was responsible for your relationship, you’re welcome. If you get married to someone you found on BBA, you are contractually obliged to fly us out to your wedding. (Reporter’s note: The Blog was unable to verify this claim.)
Moderator 2: I think it’s fun how different Blueno is from the statue – he doesn’t stand for the same ideals, and he’s a fun piece of campus culture.
Moderator 1: It’s very representative of our generation, that we’re able to make light of and personify big, unchangeable things. He’s become a part of campus culture. We’ve had some amazing artwork come in from illustrators on College Hill; we had one for National Coming Out Day and one for Halloween—shoutout to Felix Summ and Julia Chu! The world seems really bleak right now, and I think we need more fun, happy things on campus. Untitled Lamp/Bear is going away in a few years, but we’re all creating Blueno, and there’s some permanence in that.
Hey Perkins girl,
I know it’s been a while since we last spoke. You said that it wouldn’t work because you’re so busy, but I just know that if I lived closer you’d find time for me. I’m trying to convince your roommate to file a housing change form so I can be with you- please convince her? I know it’ll be worth it.
@696969- SO YOU’RE THE CREEP WHO’S BEEN LEAVING THREATS OUTSIDE OUR DOOR?!? I HOPE YOU STEP ON THE PEMBROKE SEAL. My roommate had a nervous breakdown because of you. I’m getting a restraining order.
Also, when I said I was busy, I meant I wasn’t interested. Take a hint.
Update: Your roommate dropped out, so I convinced your house to take me in so there would be no vacancies. We can finally be together!!!!!!!
Today the girl I loved broke my heart. I write this letter from Barus & Holley, the only labyrinth desolate enough to house the remnants of my heart. I thought the distance between us was our biggest problem, but no physical distance (like not even Pembroke-Perkins) could overcome the distance in your eyes. I hope that someday, years down the line, when the restraining order expires, you’ll see the folly of your ways. I’ll love you forever.
This post was flagged due to explicit content.
So you’ve probably been hit on a couple of times. And some of those times, you were probably hit on by someone you had absolutely zero interest in. And if this has never happened to you, this means one of two things: either you’re really lucky, or you’re about due for an unpleasant brush soon. In case of the second scenario, fear not, for I present to you: Continue Reading