Overwrought BBA Posts Part 2

#696969

Hey Perkins girl,

I know it’s been a while since we last spoke. You said that it wouldn’t work because you’re so busy, but I just know that if I lived closer you’d find time for me. I’m trying to convince your roommate to file a housing change form so I can be with you- please convince her? I know it’ll be worth it.

-Pembroke boy

 

#700000

@696969- SO YOU’RE THE CREEP WHO’S BEEN LEAVING THREATS OUTSIDE OUR DOOR?!? I HOPE YOU STEP ON THE PEMBROKE SEAL. My roommate had a nervous breakdown because of you. I’m getting a restraining order.

Also, when I said I was busy, I meant I wasn’t interested. Take a hint.

 

#700010

Update: Your roommate dropped out, so I convinced your house to take me in so there would be no vacancies. We can finally be together!!!!!!!

 

#700023-

Today the girl I loved broke my heart. I write this letter from Barus & Holley, the only labyrinth desolate enough to house the remnants of my heart. I thought the distance between us was our biggest problem, but no physical distance (like not even Pembroke-Perkins) could overcome the distance in your eyes. I hope that someday, years down the line, when the restraining order expires, you’ll see the folly of your ways. I’ll love you forever.

 

#700033-

 This post was flagged due to explicit content.


To All The Boys I’ve Swerved Before

So you’ve probably been hit on a couple of times. And some of those times, you were probably hit on by someone you had absolutely zero interest in. And if this has never happened to you, this means one of two things: either you’re really lucky, or you’re about due for an unpleasant brush soon. In case of the second scenario, fear not, for I present to you: Continue Reading


What does your dorm room say about you?

 


Overwrought BBA Posts Part 1

42069- To that girl in the Sci-Li in the pineapple costume on Halloween in 2014:

I was the boy wearing the pizza costume, and I think that says it all. It was love at first sight. The green foliage you wore on your head was what first attracted my attention. From there, it only got better. It’s been four years, and I still can’t stop thinking about you. I would say please notice me, but I know you noticed me looking before you glanced away quickly. Too quickly… and still, your brown eyes haunt my every dream. And whenever I do get to see them again, it really piques my pepperoni… if you know what I mean.

We have mutual friends, but I don’t think we’ve ever hung out. I know you called me crusty, and told your friends you’re not interested… but I just wish you’d give me a chance. Every time I see you with another girl or guy, I die a little bit on the inside. My sun rises and sets with you. You’re the single most beautiful person/pineapple I’ve ever seen. All I’m asking for is a chance. Continue Reading


Things I Wish I’d Said Earlier

tw, cw: mental illness, suicide, eating disorders, loss

Hey, you.

Yes, you.

You in the corner over there,

Hiding behind your long hair

So that no one can see the desperation in your eyes.

I just wanted to tell you:

It’s okay.

It’s okay that you have to hide. Continue Reading


The Naanwich and Other Travesties

A Rant by Someone Who Has Eaten Enough Naans and Sandwiches  To Know that They Should Not Be Combined

When I walked into the Ivy Room for the first time this semester, I did so in desperate pursuit of falafels and pizza. Not necessarily both, and not necessarily in that order, but nevertheless, I was disappointed on all counts. Standing before me was a vast line of fellow Indian students with quizzical looks on their faces. Already, a troubled feeling made itself at home inside my stomach.

I intrepidly walked past my countrymen to peer at the source of their discombobulation. NAANWICH, a sign in bold font proudly read. I blinked in disbelief, but the atrocity before my eyes still remained. I tilted my head in thought. “Uhm, excuse me? What’s a naanwich?” I asked a girl to my right.

“It’s a naan-sandwich,” she deadpanned, rolling her eyes. Oh, god. My suspicions had turned out to be accurate. I smiled tentatively before deferring to the other line, with far fewer customers.

Continue Reading