FlogDailyHerald: “Let’s get coffee!”

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Are English words devoid of all meaning? Has coffee lost its allure? Do y’all just straight up hate me? These are the questions that haunt my sleep as I think of all the times someone has told me, “Let’s get coffee!” and I reply with an enthusiastic, “Yeah, just text me!” In that moment, I am this puppy.

The thing is, you never actually text me. I know when that hotline bling, that can only mean it’s my mom checking in with me about my protein intake, and not you asking me what day we are getting coffee. Congratulations, you’ve shattered my already fragile heart, yet again.

The promise of coffee, food, and stimulating conversation evaporates into the nothingness that envelops us all. Here’s what your false promises are doing to me:

First of, I am in love with coffee. All coffee is good coffee. Yes, even decaf (suck it, coffee purists at The Underground). I am also in love with the idea of getting coffee. I imagine Simon and Garfunkel playing in the background of the coffee shop. Perhaps I am wearing a turtleneck, reading Simone De Beauvoir (but most likely taking a Buzzfeed quiz) while I wait for you to arrive, and bask in the presence of beautiful people with their beautiful art-latted lattes.

However, I guess you take “We should get coffee!” to mean a very, very distant hypothetical, one that could probably only be realized once we’re both 80 and have nothing left to live for.

You have made a disillusioned, bitter millennial out of me.

Please also understand that though I may be extremely busy that day, I will always make time for a little coffee break. I will also be the conversation partner you always dreamed of. We can talk about anything, really! How stressed you are, how many emails you have to write, how great your costume was this year, etc. Are you worried that I’ll ramble on too much? That’s a valid concern, yes, but… I can change! Let me show you that I can change!

Granted, maybe I should be the one taking the initiative to get coffee with someone. Oh, have I taken the initiative.

I’ve resorted to Facebook, Whatsapp, text, Spotify messages, you name it. Next up, sky-writing. I guess I am just destined to live a life of lonely coffee outings spent staring longingly out the window, wondering what I did to deserve this, until I get hungry and have to get up to buy an apple cider donut or three.

And now, having said all of this, I’ll just sit here and wait for the FB messages asking me that we should “Definitely, totally get coffee for sure this week!” to start rolling in.

Let the deception continue.

Xoxo,

Coffee Hoe

Image via.


Concentration-specific Halloween costumes

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Why can’t we all just major in Pug Studies?

When we were little, Halloween was a time to stuff ourselves with candy and feel absolutely no “ragrets“. We didn’t even have to try that hard with our costumes, since little kids are inherently adorable, except when they’re not and make fun of your unibrow (I was supposed to be Frida Kahlo, you uncultured miniature Spider-Man).

As we grew older, our trick-or-treat bags got smaller, and so did our outfits (in a cloth-to-body ratio). But, if all you really want to do is impress your friends with a punny, socially relevant costume, here are a few concentration-specific costumes to bring out the cool kid in you:

Physics

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Spooky action at a distance

Wear a shirt with a down arrow, force have a friend wear a shirt of the same color and an up arrow, and stay really, really far away from each other.

Schrödinger’s Cat

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Or, to spice things up…

Throw on some cat ears and wear a box. Bonus points if you’re wearing this shirt. Oh, and it’s also advisable to stay away from the flask of poison.

String theory

Stick some thread on you, and go around baffling everyone. If you want to be really adventurous, go around handing string cheese. Physics majors are welcome to shrink down to the Planck length for a more accurate representation.

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Professors on the Internet

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Brown professors are, inarguably, some of the coolest people out there. Not only are they wicked smaht, but they also find creative ways to make the material fun and relevant (Andy van Dam, anyone?). My linguistics professor once talked about Brangelina and other “celebrity ships” and, needless to say, spurred some much needed laughter, and, you know, concern curiosity about how much time professors actually spend on Tumblr. Many professors even have social media platforms that they use to interact with students, or simply keep as personal accounts to document their extracurricular interests. This is great because, really, who doesn’t want to know more about these amazing people beyond the online CVs and LinkedIn pages we all stalk?

Richard Heck (Philosophy):

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“Most of what I put on it at first was just technical stuff: how to do this or that on my computer, since I’d always look these things up, figure them out, and then forget. It was as much for my own use as anyone else’s, and I actually do look stuff up there from time to time. The most read post on my blog, in fact, is this . By a very, long way. It’s had five more hits than any other page. Lately, I’ve mostly been putting recipes on the blog. You probably know my daughter, Isobel, and when she was moving into her apartment for this year, she asked me about various recipes we used to make when she was living at home. So rather than print them out or something, I put them on the blog, or just links to them, if they were already online somewhere. Every once in a while I’ll post something more political. I was doing this a lot last fall, but got busy….”

Thing you don’t want to miss: adorable video of Lily the cat.

Casey Dunn (Ecology and Evolutionary Biology):

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“I started my Twitter account because I find it to be a very useful way to stay in touch with colleagues about their research, projects in our lab, and developments in the field.

I started creaturecast.org because I really enjoy the intersection of art and science.”

Thing you don’t want to miss: a very relevant tip for when you’re in a… tough spot.

 Joachim Krueger (Cognitive, Linguistic, and Psychological Studies):

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“There are 300 posts since early 2009. PT asked me if I would do a blog on self-perception. I said no, but also said that I would do a blog if they gave me a free hand on the topics. So, I have blogged on topics such as free will, happiness, religion, statistics, game theory and social dilemmas among others. The blog is a personal archive of thoughts, ideas, and reviews. I try to keep the audience in mind, but ultimately, I write for myself. Occasionally, I use relevant posts to add to my teaching. In turn, some posts emerge from the teaching experience in class.”

Thing you don’t want to miss: happiness is what??

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30 thoughts this senior has about senior year

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Soon…

Not even the beautiful fall foliage or Oprah’s Cinnamon Chai Latte (rage against the PSL!) can help me cope with the emotional toll of senior year. I can’t really put into words exactly how I feel, as I feel like I feel it all. Anyway, I’ll try to articulate these “feely” feelings as best as I can. Here’s a list of a few senior year-musings I’ve had recently:

Classes

1. (Beginning of the year) Can I audit 10 classes? So much to learn, so little time!

2. I’ve sat in on 10 more classes. I’ve learned nothing and I’m exhausted. Hello, friendly 4-course structure!

3. When did shopping period end? Or right, it’s October.

4. I’ve gone to pretty much all of this professor’s office hours, but apparently my name is still “Maria”.

5. I guess we aren’t BFFs after all </3

6. I am taking a graduate seminar and I feel cool.

7. I am taking a graduate seminar and my soul is dead.

8. Ok, whoever said senior year was chill has less chill than whoever took this snap.

Professional life

9. Should I start a start-up? Wait, do you “start” a start-up or “create” it? “Initiate” a start-up? What is the self?

10. LinkedIn is a cold and dry vortex of superficiality and also I probably shouldn’t use this selfie as my profile photo…

11. “Describe your previous job experience”: crying over not having job experience.

12. “Describe your computer skills”: I am a fast typer and my Neopets are all still alive, albeit “famished”.

13. For the 100th time, dear auntie, I am doing philosophy and cognitive science.

14. No, dear auntie, I’m not considering law school (or a lawyer husband) after Brown.

Activities

15. GCB challenge, SciLi challenge, Ratty challenge… MY BODY KNOWS NO LIMITS.

16. I should hit the Nelson Fitness Center more often. Just kidding, my body is well aware of its limits.

17. I need to get off the hill more often. Geoff’s doesn’t count. [Ed. note: Geoff’s counts on Two-For-One Tuesdays]

18. I should go to more WaterFires, even though I don’t exactly know what one should do at WaterFire.

19. Is this hill getting steeper each year, or am I just getting old? Was that my hip that just popped?

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FlogDailyHerald: Packing up early

packingstudents

I do not consider myself a particularly aggressive person. I mean, I’m able to peacefully accept that there aren’t any more ciabatta rolls left at the Blue Room without squirting Sriracha in someone’s eye, most of the time. I’m also fairly good at not tackling anyone as I make my way out of those pesky Wilson doors and go sprint to my next class. If there is one thing that royally pisses me off, though, it’s the lot of cheeky students who pack up 5-10 minutes before class ends, just to make sure everyone hears and sees them. Here’s the deal:

A) the professor is still talking,

B) you are distracting me, and many other students who are trying to understand the material and,

C) your actions will now trigger a domino effect of rustling papers, scooting chairs, and zipping backpacks, a.k.a. the most scathing sounds in human history.

In short, you are telling the professor, and everyone else in class, that they are operating on your schedule. In short short, you are making me have a nervous breakdown, and I’d love to keep my sanity for at least two more months, thank you very much.

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Things our parents worry about way too much

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For many of us, leaving home marked the start of our adult independence. Goodbye, curfews! Goodbye, babysitting our little siblings! And hello… regular phone calls checking if we’ve been brushing our teeth regularly?

Alright, so leaving home didn’t mean a complete departure from our parents for many of us. Of course, that’s not a bad thing! It’s nice knowing that they still care for us, even though that time they sold most of our stuff at the yard sale suggests otherwise—you’ll never even use that Hello Kitty stationary again, darling. Their phone calls and texts remind us that no matter how old we are, we will always be their little girl or boy.

However, there are things that seem to stress out our parents much more than they should. Below are a few topics that always make their way into our phone calls and Skype conversations with them (and Facebook wall postings, for you unlucky ones).

Our vitamin intake

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Even if you weren’t a regular vitamin-taker back home, your parents will expect you to stock up on One A Day and Vitamin-C powder packs for the semester. It’s as if coming to college automatically meant disregarding our health. There may or may not be some truth to this, but the point is that vitamins aren’t necessarily a cure-all to begin with. And really, as long as we’re eating a balanced meal (whoops), there is no need to pop these supplements like Tic Tacs. Different parents also seem to have different vitamin fixations. My mom is especially concerned with my fiber intake, and makes sure to send me a Costco-size box of Fiber One granola bars whenever I receive a care package. Three cheers for digestive health!

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