Posts by Max Rosero

If you thought cat massage was weird, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Though a grown woman teaching adults how to properly satisfy their feline’s tactile desires may seem a bit unorthodox, so too is an opossum that telepathically transmits poetry about applesauce. Meet Georgette and her muse Apple, the power couple behind Proper Opposum Poetry Corner. What is it, you ask? A performance poetry segment involving two drums, a sweater-clad opossum and some cubes of cheese. Apple really steals the show around the 2:30 mark with her incredible drum solo, but, not one to be outdone by an oversized rodent, Georgette soon reclaims the spotlight a minute later.

If you enjoy what you see, remember you can always ”write that poem about the opposum in your life” and post it to the comments section of the YouTube page. Does anyone have a pen?

It seems BuDS is as passionate about St. Patrick’s Day as the rest of us drunks Irishmen college students. First there were Irish-themed cupcakes in the Ratty and now the Blue Room  has put together a special float station for this oh-so-holy of holidays. Not exactly sure what makes an ice cream float even remotely Irish, but add a shot of Jameson and you’re well on your way to a good time.

What you do on St. Patrick’s Day may soon be forgotten due to the fact that you’ll be acting a maggot drinking excessive amounts, but one thing that certainly shouldn’t be forgotten is this gem of a video. For those of you unfamiliar with the famous Alabama Leprechaun, y’all can thank me later, but in the meantime, please enjoy these Mobile, Alabama, natives as they attempt to explain to a news reporter the little man they saw in a tree. Hopefully the “amateur sketch” above will bring any familiar leprechauns to mind. Our theory? We think Lucky the Leprechaun took a vacation from the Lucky Charms box and wanted to see the world.

Ever been bogged down with midterm season? Ever needed help just remembering you’re normal? Well, you’re in luck. There’s always TLC’s My Crazy Obsession to remind you you’re sane. Because nothing says in-sane like middle-aged adults talking to Cabbage Patch Kids in baby voices. Did I mention this couple has 500? And that they built the dolls an amusement park in their backyard?

I want to go on the swingset mommy!

Just when you thought Masturgate 2012 was starting to go limp, — BAM! — guess who’s back touching himself in the quiet alleyways of John Street? None other than the peeping perv himself.

Hot off a recent encounter with the ladies of John St. (you mean that wasn’t just some dude wearing skintight, nude colored chinos?), everyone’s favorite local celebrity managed to catch the attention of local news channel NBC 10 this weekend. Reporter Brian Crandell took some time to speak with the boys of 66 John about life, love, and what it’s like living with a chronic masturbator in your backyard. You can watch the news segment here.

Ever wondered what makes March 9 special? Besides Barbie’s birthday (homegirl’s looking good for 53, y’all!) and a strange holiday only referred to as “Panic Day,” March 9 also marks the release date of Disney’s newest Avatar ripoff  feature film: John Carter.

Of course, we couldn’t help noticing that the movie’s title bears a strange resemblance to a familiar big name on campus — none other than the big JCB himself: John Carter Brown. Which got us thinking: what if, instead of chronicling the adventures of a shirtless he-man fighting off an army of extraterrestrial humanoids, the movie were a little more… Brunonian? What if John Carter became John Carter BROWN? Granted, a sci-fi epic about a 19th-century book collector with a map fetish probably wouldn’t make for as interesting a movie, but a boy can dream. Behold, after the jump, our visions for an epic adventure story based on the life of everyone’s favorite cartophile:

[Read more →]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fPk4wQPNj8&feature=youtu.be

Remember that time your friends thought it would be funny to shove your face in a birthday cake as part of a practical joke? Remember when they may have taken things a little too far and given you a concussion in the process? Well, this chick sure won’t.

Lucky for us, however, this girl’s hilarious birthday fail will forever be immortalized in the annals of the interwebz.  Can you say schadenfreude?

We’ve all been there before: you’re just about done with your plate of sushi at Sakura, you’re four drinks deep, and the angry waitstaff is hovering like one of those crazy mothers from Toddlers & Tiaras. Just as you’re about to crack open an ice-cold brewskie to partake in the ancient Japanese art of sake bombing, the waitress is back, yelling in an incoherent dialect with the bill in hand.

Bummer.

Now, if you’re a pro, you know to casually avoid even looking at the thing, for fear of being stuck having to figure out how to split the check 14 different ways. Lucky for you, things just got a little easier, thanks to those five magical words: “There’s an app for that.” [Read more →]

According to the L.A. Times, $336 million could be yours! Wait, seriously though. The hefty Powerball jackpot was recently won in none other than the tiny great state of Rhode Island, and (even after taxes) will amount to the largest lump sum payment in Powerball history. There’s only one problem: not a single Rhode Islander has yet stepped forward to claim the cold, hard ca$h.

The winning ticket (1-10-37-52-57; Powerball number: 11) was recently purchased at a local Stop & Shop in Newport, despite the fact that the identity of the lucky buyer still remains a mystery. Interestingly enough, however, due to a Rhode Island law that makes the names of lottery winners a matter of public record, he she phe will soon be a local celebrity whether phe likes it or not.

Now, as you may know, we Bloggers are all for modesty. But when there’s more than a quarter-billion dollars at stake (yes, billion with a big ole “B”) we usually draw the line. Here’s hoping the lucky winner has an @brown.edu suffix attached to his/her email address…

Dolla’ Dolla’ Bills Y’all!

With spring semester now underway, there are lots of things Brown students have to look forward to: erotically-themed Am Civ courses, a long week of substance-fueled debauchery, and the return of people watching: Main Green Edition. Of course, for certain members of the student body, the beginning of the semester means the start of the ever exciting — and constantly infuriating — Providence house hunt. Always an arduous task, the quest to secure off-campus housing can be a painfully rewarding process, sure to make you feel older, more sophisticated, and perhaps lose you a few friends in the process.

And you thought the housing lottery was bad…
With a slew of new off-campus units now on the market, it’s time to ask, where will you make your home? Should you opt for the historic charm and cheap rent South of Power (SoPo)? Or are you more suited to living a stone’s throw from Spats and a quick walk of shame away from the Hockey House in the land called Just Off Thayer (JOT)?

Though both locales are appealing, whether it’s easy access to late night Nice Slice you crave or the thrill of having a felon touch himself while he squints through your window, deciding where to live can be a big decision. Enter us, stage right. To make the process easier for those of you still on the fence, here’s a comparison chart to help you embrace your inner stereotype. Happy shopping!