Neighborhood extreme sports enthusiasts capture John Street Masturbator

Four neighborhood riders on a mission captured the infamous John Street Masturbator last night at approximately 8/7 Central.  The thrilling pursuit involved a skateboard chase down John Street, a gnarly surf adventure through downtown Providence’s canals, a quick burger break with Tito and finally a rollerskate race down I-95. It all ended when the four extraordinarily active kids in play position caught up with the fleeing peeper and gave the JSM the kind of wet willy he isn’t accustomed to.

The JSM is currently in police custody, but one of the capturers, Maurice ‘Twister’ Rodriguez, an aspiring videographer, was able to obtain the following image for those wishing to identify him: Continue Reading

Time-waster of the day: March 22, 2012

This movie is actually premiering tonight: real or not real?

THE HUNGER GAMES, THE HUNGER GAMES, duh, we’re talking about The Hunger Games. If you still don’t understand this massive cultural phenomenon about teenagers who brutally murder each other in an epic battle to the death while also dealing with massive amounts of unresolved sexual tension, you should probably read this. (Also, you should probably just stop being so lame and read The Hunger Games over break. Dystopia is the new vampire, haven’t you heard?)

The long-anticipated blockbuster is premiering tonight at midnight after a three-year promotional blitz that produced more than enough Hunger Games-related content to keep you busy while you await the reaping. There are the memes, the parodies, the comical press interviews and even the awkward fan videos.

But seriously, it’s supposed to be, like, 80 degrees out today. Plop yourself down on the Quiet Green and just read (or reread) the freaking book. It shouldn’t take you too long; it’s for 13 year-olds.

Image via.

PollerBears: Spring Break edition

For Spring Break, I'll be...

  • going home and happy about that! (35%, 163 Votes)
  • schwasted on a beach. (16%, 75 Votes)
  • chilling on a beach. (15%, 70 Votes)
  • ugh. don't ask. fucking thesis. (10%, 48 Votes)
  • staying with friends. (Other people's parents FTW!) (8%, 39 Votes)
  • road trippin'. Just like in "Crossroads." (8%, 37 Votes)
  • going home. Not happy about it. (7%, 32 Votes)

Total Voters: 463

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And the results of our last poll: Continue Reading

Free food digest: March 20, 2012

Eat free or dine tryin’.

Graduate Students of Color Conference Keynote Luncheon
12 p.m.
Andrews Dining Hall

RSVP is required here for this “formal lunch,” which will feature Tim King, founder and CEO of Urban Prep Academies as part of this year’s Graduate Students of Color Conference. Formal lunch sounds fancy!

CS DUG Big Data Talk
4:30 – 5:30 p.m.
CIT 477

Florian Sabou (who has an amazing name) will discuss using computational and mathematical methods to analyze weather patterns. There will definitely be pizza, and we’re just assuming there will be Diet Coke, too.

Leavetaking Information Session
6 – 7 p.m.
Faunce 229

“Food provided” at this info session, apparently. Which is just as vague as your current plans for that semester off.

How ABC’s “GCB” is actually kind of like the GCB

Last night marked the third episode of everyone’s favorite show named after a venerable Brown drinking institution, but if you somehow missed the first two installments of ABC’s Desperate-Housewives-in-Texas, BlogDH is here to catch you up with an explanation of how the two different GCBs are not so dissimilar…

So what is GCB the show about? Basically, thirty seconds into the pilot, some enthusiastic road head causes protagonist Amanda Vaughn’s husband to veer off a California highway, killing himself and his road head-performing mistress. Turns out he was also a Ponzi schemer! Oops. Newly impoverished (sort of) Amanda now has to head back home to Plano, Texas, where all the unpopular girls she bullied 15 years ago in high school constantly plot to get even with her, led by Queen GCB Kristin Chenoweth. (Hell hath no fury like a high school girl scorned.) Amanda’s mother, Grandma Gigi, is delighted to have her back, because as she puts it: “Why would anybody in their right mind leave Dallas for Southern California? We’ve got the same weather without the liberals.”

Okay. Providence may have all the liberals and none of the weather, but there are strangely quite a few common themes between Good Christian Bitches and the GCB, namely: Continue Reading

Free food digest: March 13, 2012

Eat free or dine tryin’.

Debating Theory and Practice in TAPS
4 pm – 5 pm
Lyman Hall 007

RSVPing is requested for this Theater and Performance Studies panel on “the theory and practice of performance.” Our own theory is that free Nice Slice always helps.

Ecology & Evolutionary Biology Open House
4:30 pm – 6 pm
Wilson 102

The Ecology & Evolutionary Bio DUG is hosting this event; hopefully the promised Meeting Street cookies won’t be extinct by the time you get there.

Dating and Class, an MPC Workshop
5 pm – 6:30 pm
Arnold Lounge

“Does class status present obstacles in the dating community?” Discuss dating and class while you eat ice cream at this workshop. Rom coms have taught us that Ben & Jerry’s tastes best straight out of the pint container under extreme emotional duress, but the MPCs will probably make you use bowls.