Pollerbears: What part of Family Weekend are you most dreading?

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Sure, Family Weekend can be great. It likely entails reunions with loved ones and good meals. It will also probably alleviate some of that homesickness you have been feeling lately in this perpetual grey-ness that is October in Providence.

But there are also aspects of having your family descend upon College Hill that are likely to disrupt your daily life and independence here at Brown. We’re here to listen, so tell us: what part of Family Weekend are you most dreading?

What part of Family Weekend are you most dreading?

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Keeney problems

Recently, fellow blogger Ari Snider ’18 wrote a lovely post about the struggles of being an Andrews resident. He touched on the many issues of life in such a swanky dorm, including distractingly large windows and lackluster water pressure in his personal sink. (True travesties, I know.) After reading the post, I felt it would only be fitting to give some attention to Brown’s largest (and best) freshmen dorm: Keeney. So, without further ado, here are the 10 biggest Keeney problems:

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1. Not being able to swipe into any of the other houses. One of the greatest aspects of life in Keeney is being so close to so many other freshmen. The residential complex used to be completely conjoined; residents were able to access all parts of the dorm by either walking across the quad and swiping in or by simply walking through the hallways (hence the infamous “Keeney crawl”). Renovations in recent years gave the quad a much-needed facelift; changes included re-vamped interiors, brand-new lounges and laundry facilities, a pristine fitness center, and the splitting off of the dorm into three distinct “houses.” While many of the renovations are awesome, this last one has proven to be incredibly infuriating. Though the division of the dorm does foster a greater sense of community in each house, the inability of residents to access other houses is quite a let-down. Imagine having a friend who lives in the same building as you and having to ask that friend to swipe you into their section of the same building. It’s extremely annoying.

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2. Never knowing what to expect when going to the bathroom. See above.

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3. Paper-thin walls. People can hear everything from the hallways, from casual conversations to the Taylor Swift jams you play in your room at 7am on a Tuesday.

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A comprehensive guide to Family Weekend 2014

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Parents outside of their natural habitat.

With midterms and destructive squirrels taking up most of our energy, it’s hard to think ahead to this weekend when Brunonia will be alive with parents and families. While some of us may be primarily focused on getting our ‘rents to cover our many expenses, others may be worried about what the hell they’re supposed to do with a bunch of parents on a college campus. Never fear! There’s no need to spend actual quality time with your parents, for Brown’s clubs and activities have come together to give us a weekend packed with sporting events, brunches, and cleverly named concerts (I’m looking at you, a cappella) to drag your families to. Check our comprehensive list of every single thing you can do with your family this weekend.

Friday, October 24

4:00 p.m. Center for the Study of Slavery and Justice Building Dedication & Opening and Black Experiences at Brown: A Visual Narrative Exhibition Opening Reception, 94 Waterman Street 

Visit the new home of the Center for the Study of Slavery and Justice. Address by the one and only president emerita Ruth J. Simmons.

6:00 p.m. PW presents 3C2C (3 Chairs, 2 Cubes)

A festival of new plays in the PW Downspace

6:30 p.m. Musical Forum’s Family Weekend Revue, Alumnae Hall Crystal Room

Join Musical Forum as in their annual Family Weekend Revue, featuring songs from hit musicals and movies.

7:30 p.m. Brown Madrigal Singers Family Weekend Concert

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An exclusive interview with the Pembroke Hawk

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Students walking across Pembroke on Monday got a firsthand look at the circle of life in action, and were reminded how much it sucks to be at the bottom of the food chain.

Squirrels have been getting way out of hand lately. Fortunately, there’s a new sheriff in town to keep Brown’s furry denizens in line. A red-tailed hawk has been hanging around Pembroke campus recently, eating squirrels and attracting crowds of interested students. But who is this hawk? Where is it from? What is it doing here? I climbed up the tree to meet the bird behind the feathers.

BlogDailyHerald: Hey there, mind if I share the branch with you?

Hawk: Sure, there’s plenty of room up here! But don’t touch my squirrel [indicates shredded squirrel carcass lying across branch].

BlogDH: Haha.

Hawk: Seriously, if you touch my squirrel I will gouge out your eyeballs.

BlogDH: Okay okay, I understand. So, how’s your day going?

Hawk: Oh you know, typical Monday. Took care of a few things around the nest this morning, then went out hunting. I was still a little groggy from the weekend, so I wasn’t on top of my game. Luckily this sucker [prods squirrel carcass with talon] was wandering around in the middle of the green like he owned the place. Easy money.

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Frosh-cessities: How to prepare for family weekend

It is easy to lie to your family over the phone: “Oh yeah mom everything is going well, can I call you back in a minute? I’m just finishing up some homework,” you say, as you and your roommate and try frantically to put out a fire that you started when you tried to light each other’s farts. Or to make it seem like you have things under control over text.”Hey dad, I spent all my money on books. Can you send me some more?” you send, as your drug dealer holds you at gun-point in the Blue Room sandwich line. You’ve been living on the edge, taking no prisoners, and are definitely still overwhelmed and confused. That’s normal (right???), and having your parents around for a weekend may seem daunting, but there are some easy tips to staying ahead of your shifty, nosey, and overbearing parentals. The last thing you want is another lecture; you’re in college now and are way too cool/don’t have time for that.

Step 1: Be ready for an interrogation 

Here are two different hypothetical conversations, one not prepared, and one prepared, between my mom and me. Learn from me to avoid mistakes and your mom’s wrath.

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5 scary things to think about this Halloween

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Halloween is rapidly approaching, which means the season of scary has arrived. The holiday features frights such as ghouls, clowns, bats, feeding copious amounts of candy to pre-diabetic children, and the fact that sexy Olaf costumes are a thing. To add to that list of horrors, try thinking about these 5 alternative scary things this Halloween:

1. The national debt

The national deficit is the money the government takes in minus the money the government spends, and the national debt is the total amount borrowed to fund that deficit. The current national debt totals in around $17,904,969,580,881.62. That’s more than $17 trillion, folks, increasing by $75 million every hour. Bored in class? Watch the debt go up in real time here. Fun! Eerie!

2. The capriciousness of life

Everything that happens in life is random. There are no constants. Despite any attempt to find patterns or systems of causation, there is no way to predict or explain why things happen to us. Nothing happens for a reason. Success is not guaranteed, and every step forward is just the result of a lucky draw from a rigged lottery. Consider how everything you do doesn’t really matter as you wait in line for for the Midnight Organ Concert. Hair-raising!

3. Your own insignificance

You are very insignificant, in the big scheme of things. You are just one of over 7 billion people in the world, part of a single iteration of the human population. It has been only 200,000 years since anatomically modern humans first appeared. The first life forms appeared on earth between 3.8 and 3.5 billion years ago. The earth itself was formed around 4.54 billion years ago. The span of modern civilization is a millisecond in comparison to the history of this planet. You take up a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of that millisecond. You are an indiscernible smudge on the surface of our planet, just a minuscule sphere composed of crust and mantle, in our solar system, in a galaxy, in the ever-expanding, timeless vastness of the universe… Think about that as you wolf down excessive amounts of candy this Halloween. Creepy!

4. Your own mortality

This Halloween, try to get a grasp on your own mortality. You may think you are young and invincible, but every day is just one step on the slow march toward death. Death is life’s principle constant. Just as everybody poops, everybody dies, though death cannot be better regulated with Activia or a high-fiber diet. Death is everywhere. As you go out next weekend, take a look at all the things dying around you — leaves, insects, and also, yourself. Chilling!

5. Blue Room muffins are 400 to 600 calories each.

I know. *cries* Spooky!

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