IT’S. HERE.

naked-doughnut


25* Things Learned from Freshman Year

Our editors asked us to make a list of 50 things we learned during our freshman year–so naturally we decided to do 25. Blog is S/NC right??

i have no clue what this is

1. Points are not unlimited.

Hank: I made it rain in the Blue Room the first week of first semester… until all of my points were gone.

Jack: I took a little longer than Hank to realize this cold truth. To be honest, I didn’t really know what points were. Turns out points are just a cute way of saying money.

2. How to Navigate the Gender-Neutral Bathrooms.

Hank: My only tip for any user of a communal, gender neutral bathroom is to wear someone else’s shoes.

Jack: I only wear Hank’s shoes.

feet

3. What is open late late night.

Hank: Sometimes you need food past Jo’s hours: that is the beauty of Foodler (New York Pizza is my spot).

Jack: Hank is a much better authority on this since rumor has it that he actually lives in one of the booths at Jo’s.

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PSA: Blue Room closing at 7 p.m. tonight

melting fridge

What the Blue Room fridges look like right now

Looks like all the nice weather was too much for the Blue Room! The eatery will be closing at 7 p.m. tonight due to refrigerator malfunctions. Though Dining Services is working to get them repaired as soon as possible, the Blue Room will also be closed tomorrow and potentially Wednesday. Check the Blue Room twitter for updates.

Go get your food while you still can!

[Update: The Blue Room is closed again on Wednesday, April 13.]

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So you forgot Mother’s Day. What next?

Clara's Card

Mother’s Day is a time-honored tradition where we celebrate those who put up with our shit over the years and saw as at our highs and lows. It’s also a time where we shamelessly get to post countless numbers of pictures on social media with the hopes of maybe breaking 100 likes. Though Mother’s Day in the US was created on an arbitrary day, it still holds a lot of significance. Typically, celebrations include cards, flowers, and whatever other crap Hallmark has associated with the holiday. Despite it’s somewhat manufactured feel, it is a great opportunity to tell your mom just how much she means to you, which isn’t something we get to do every day. In short, you don’t want to forget it.

So what happens if you somehow didn’t see the thousands of Facebook posts, or see kids walking around outside the Rock on the phone, and forgot Mother’s Day? Well for one, you’re a jerk and you should feel bad. Just kidding. One writer at the blog (not myself) may be writing from experience in this matter because he or she may have forgotten to call last year. But do not give up hope! There are a few things you can do to try and save yourself.

1. Flowers are key. Spending a couple bucks now will save you lots of passive aggressiveness later.

2. Blame finals. This is a bold strategy, but your mom will appreciate that you’re working hard. The only problem is if you bomb your tests, then you’re really

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SNL’s Stefon’s Guide to Summer

If the Hangover, Godfather, and Spider-Man franchises taught us anything, it was that you can never ruin something great by doing it not once, not twice, but three times. So, here is Stefon is back to give you the hottest tips on the hottest parties for what is sure to be the hottest summer ever (#globalwarming #parties).

stefon

If you don’t know who Stefon is yet, that means you have no life and don’t enjoy laughter; it also means that you don’t read my blog posts, which is hurtful, rude, and you should just leave. Stefon’s return to Blog marks the end of the year, and the beginning of summer. I (Hank as Stefon) could not be more excited for summer, so without further ado, here is a list of hot parties (pun very much intended) to look out for this summer.

The hottest party this summer is… pool party. Everyone has that one friend they pretend to be friends with because they have a pool. So make sure to text that loser and act like you are interested in how their year was and secure yourself an invite to their above ground pool now. Cool off poolside, with some skunked beers from the trunk of your friend’s dad’s car, your swim shirt (not because you aren’t comfortable with your body, but because surfers wear them, and surfers are cool, just like you), and deflated floaties. Pools are dope, and so are you, so why would’t you kick it poolside? Nothing is more fun then swimming through all the dead leaves and bugs floating on the top of the water! Fun pool games include trying to hold your breath underwater for five minutes, belly flop contests, and swimming the butterfly.

A good example of a pool party

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PollerBears: It’s finals week…

22-library

Everyone knows it takes about four unproductive hours for every productive hour of work. It’s all part of the ~process~. Are you being productive right now or do you just look like you’re being productive right now? We need to know.

I'm spending most of my time...

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