No, we’re not kidding. The Providence Journal reported that around 1 a.m. on November 9, an allegedly inebriated 22-year-old URI student got stuck in the 8- to 9-inch
crack gap between City Sports and FedEx Kinko’s on Thayer Street.
… WTF? Well, just you wait. It gets weirder. She was found trapped horizontally approximately two feet above the ground. That’s some Houdini shit, except for the fact that she couldn’t escape. Acting Battalion Fire Chief Jeffrey Varone reported that she attempted to use the gap as a shortcut when she got caught and started crying for help. A passerby heard her yells and called the police.
So far in my Brown education, there has been a lot of emphasis on analyzing current situations while simultaneously figuring out the circumstances that led to said situations. So the real question is where was she trying to go and why? I speculate her thought process went like this: