WHY?!

We have recently been informed that Brown’s Administration has placed sanctions on all non-ADOCH-volunteer Brown students with regard to the infamous Ice Cream Social. This year, all pre-frosh have been given special high-tech lanyards that will scan them into all ADOCH events. What’s next, the BroPo officers as robots with authorization to kill?

To avoid a dangerous campus-wide revolt, here are some options for getting your hands on ice cream of the elite:

-Seduce the volunteer nearest to you. Before he/she gets his/her clothes back on, steal the red shirt.

-Tape yourself to the back of an innocent pre-frosh.

-Dress up as a professor with intentions to ‘mingle.’

-Drop out of Brown, re-apply, get accepted, and attend the Ice Cream Social as a legitimate pre-frosh.

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Stephanie Meyer’s “The Host” was actually based on ADOCH.

You signed up to host ADOCH. You didn’t mean to do it, it just sort of slipped out–your friend, ex-lover, or obnoxious hallmate accosted you on the Main Green and how could you say no? We were all desperate and dazed pre-frosh once upon a time…

Flash forward a couple of weeks later and two overeager 17-year-olds are on your dormstep, sleeping bags in hand and gap-toothed, bracey smiles on their faces. (In my mind, most pre-frosh are in dire need of orthodontia.) It’s your responsibility to make sure the little parasites are clothed, sent to bed at a proper hour, and get out of ADOCH alive.

We all love our pre-frosh, and welcome them to Brown. It’s the best place to be. But it’s also a busy place to be, and some of us can’t help resenting the little freeloaders pre-frosh the morning after when we’re rushing to class and we trip over their young, virulent, sleeping bodies.

When I was a host, my roommate and I decided to have some fun with it. Here are some ill-advised wonderful suggestions to make your pre-frosh visit just a little more memorable…

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This is exactly what College Hill looks like when you first arrive.

Getting into Brown feels awesome, but before you come visit there are a few things that you should be ready for.

Warning: This article will deal with more meaningful things to expect rather than simply run through the typical nuggets of wisdom: “bring a toothbrush,” “three days = three pairs of underwear,” etc.

First and most importantly: You are not “too cool” for anything.

The train ride to Hogwarts: All of the accepted students are invited to sit in the back two cars of a particular Amtrak train that is reserved for Brown. The trip to Providence can be a long one, especially for the kids coming from D.C., so your experience will come in waves:

1.  It will be awkward. You’re hungry and it looks like some people already made friends so you’ll feel behind.
2. Everyone warms up to each other… eventually. Then they have cute pre-frosh conversations for about an hour.

The pendulum will swing back and forth between these two states as you are all constantly reminded that the train ride is longer than one hour.

Your host: Understand two things:

1. Brown’s midterms literally last all semester long, so your host may be really stressed out.
2. You are coming to visit a few days before Spring Week Weekend.

The host that seemed super excited to host you a few weeks ago may act weird. It’s important to stay calm and not judge him/her. You’ll be sleeping on his/her floor, and that’s it; that’s the only dimension of your symbiotic parasitic relationship. Sometimes, hosts are awesome and make your ADOCH experience, and sometimes they aren’t, but you will find awesome current students during your visit – it just may involve leaving the dorm.

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Today at 5 p.m., a new class of high school hopefuls received some great news from our Admissions Office. First off, we at BlogDailyHerald congratulate you on your acceptance to Brown University’s Class of 2017. But now comes the hard part: realizing that Brown is a significantly better place than every other school that sent you an acceptance letter. For some, this may be difficult. Concerned that your inner hamster’s ironic mustache is merely peach fuzz? Start reading The Indy. Unsure of the awesome (and sometimes ridiculously named) course offerings for next year? There’s a Mocha for that. Dying to know if Brown students are actually as nice and caring as everyone says they are? That’s what Brown University Compliments is for. Need to check out your class? Hail Mark Zuckerberg! There’s an Official Facebook Group for admitted students. Check out five simple reasons why Brown is great after the jump.

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Michael starts off his night by cutting the line and snagging some good ol’ chocolate ice cream. [Read more →]

It’s that magical time of the year: when you realize your time at Brown is winding to a close wide-eyed pre-frosh experience Brown for the first time. But we can’t throw the admits onto the middle of the Main Green and expect them to figure out what SPG, CFF, AQR (yikes), and Spicy With mean by themselves, can we? So here’s a list to guide you through guiding them (with appropriate meme visual aids):

Don’t: Sexile your hostee. Don’t have sex with your hostee. Just… no. Not cool. Also potentially illegal. Note: If they sexile you, take it like a champ. Crash next door, fist bump them in the morning, and then wash your sheets. Twice.

Do: Take pre-frosh to an arch-sing. (As a side note, there are twelve arch sings Monday night: arch sing challenge, anyone?)

Don’t: Hand pre-frosh a joint. [Read more →]

Today at 5 pm, a new class of high school hopefuls received some great news from our Admissions Office. First off, we at BlogDailyHerald congratulate you on your acceptance to Brown University’s Class of 2016. But now comes the hard part: actually realizing that Brown is a significantly better place than every other school that sent you an acceptance letter. For some, this may be difficult. Concerned that your inner hamster’s ironic mustache is merely peach fuzz? Start reading The Indy. Unsure of the awesome (and sometimes ridiculously named) course offerings for next year? There’s a Mocha for that. Wanna awkwardly chuckle at a bunch of silly memes you don’t get now, but will in less than 6 months?  Theres an online troll community for that.  Need to check out your class? Hail Mark Zuckerberg! There’s an Official Facebook Group for admitted students. Check out 5 simple reasons why Brown is great after the jump. [Read more →]

Starting this afternoon, swarms of accepted high school seniors will be buzzing all over Brown’s campus. If you run into one, first apologize, then tell them all about your great experiences here at Brown. Just note: here are some things not to say:

1. Don’t worry, winter is only from October to April.
2. Do you want to come back to my room with me?
3. Rain? Well, you just kind of get used to it.
4. Have you seen the Keeney tunnels yet?
5. It’s not the size of your endowment that counts; it’s how you use it.
6. Can I show you my rapid prototyper?
7. I mean Emma Watson went here…
8. So are you 18 yet?
9. (ADOCH host) Watching porn is soooo much more fun with company.
10. (ADOCH host) Dibs on the left side of my bed!

Today at 5 pm, a new class of high school hopefuls recieved some great news from our Admissions Office. First off, we at BlogDailyHerald congratulate you on your acceptance to Brown University’s Class of 2015. But now comes the hard part: actually realizing that Brown is a significantly better place than every other school that sent you an acceptance letter. For some, this may be difficult. Concerned that your inner hipster’s ironic mustache is merely peach fuzz? Start reading The Indy. Unsure of the awesome (and sometimes ridiculously named) course offerings for next year? There’s a Mocha for that. Need to check out your class? Hail Mark Zuckerberg! There’s an Official Facebook Group (not the bootleg one created by BrownU.me) for admitted students. Check out 5 simple reasons why Brown is great after the jump.

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