Remember that first story you heard about your friend trying Four Loko? He/she bounced off the walls at a party for a few hours and then woke up the next Tuesday two towns over with no pants on, right? Remember when the government took away all the good Four Loko (the caffeinated kind) before you could get at it and replaced it with just some gross overly-sugared malted drink? You might now get to have your revenge.

Agwa.

Honestly, Agwa sounds like just about the most toxic liquid on the planet. According to its web site, it’s a liqueur distilled from the coca leaf with natural energy sources like guarana and ginseng. Now, if you know a little about illicit drug trafficking, you know that this same coca leaf is used to make COCAINE. I don’t know how else to explain this to you: AGWA IS EVERYTHING POWERTHIRST WISHES IT WERE. According to Agwa’s web site, Rudyard Kipling said coca alcohol was made “from the clippings and shavings of angel wings.”

Drink Agwa and you will look and feel like this.

Internetwines.com says Agwa has a “bittersweet peppery taste with an unusual effect.” I honestly don’t know what that means, but it glows green like absinthe and could probably power a Space Shuttle, so I’m excited to hear the first story of crazy escapades ensuing from a few shots of Agwa. At only $30 a handle, it costs as much as 3.5 liters of Karkov. It’s recommended that you drink Agwa with a lime. And a defibrillator. Good luck.

Note: I swear I have not touched Agwa. I cannot comment as to whether or not it’ll turn your urine that same hue of green.

Images via & via.

The label for Chateau Jiahu, one of the Dogfish Head brews available to sample at tonight's event

Who knew, in a world of Natty Light, Budweiser and PBR, that we have actually demonstrated an improvement in the area of beer making… in the last 10,000 years, that is.

Tonight, students, professors and community members alike piled into an auditorium to hear “Uncorking the Past,” a lecture about ancient beverages from the Director of the Penn Museum’s Biomolecular Archaeology Lab, Patrick McGovern, and to await their turn to sample recreations of the ancient brews made by Dogfish Head. When you say “free beer,” people come a’running. Literally every seat was filled.

McGovern’s work uses a combination of archaeology, ancient texts and art, and scientific experimentation to analyze vessels that once held food or drink to determine exactly what ancient peoples were eating and drinking. [Read more →]

Retro-style “Diamonds and Coal” from The Herald’s issue on September 17, 2004:

A diamond: “I have to say that until I started visiting Mr. Frank, I had never had Jägermeister or Grey Goose,” (formerly teetotaling President Ruth) Simmons said. “Since my first visit to him, I have become an avid consumer of both.”

Can’t get enough D&C? Read slightly more current incarnations in today’s Herald, or submit your own at www.DiamondsandCoal.com!

Looking to add a little bit of pizzazz to Obama’s State of the Union address tonight?  Thanks to our friends at NYU Local, we’ve got just the trick: a SOTU drinking game.  It’s pretty simple: take a drink every time that the President says “partisan,” “healthcare,” “economy,” “unemployment,” “coming together,” or “blood libel.”

This is when you would call Hangover Helpers

We’ve all been there. The splitting headache. The sea of red cups. The anonymous vomit in the corner. Last night you threw the wildest rager. But now its Sunday, and you’ve got to deal with a hangover and a destroyed post-party house. To some this might seem like a nightmare, but to a couple students at University of Colorado students, this was a business opportunity. Hangover Helpers, a student run business, brings fellow students and party-throwers breakfast burritos and Gatorade and will also clean up the party mess, all for a price of course — $15 per roommate. So, any students in Engineering and New Ventures, here’s a possible idea for a final!

They say that history is in the eyes of the beholder.  That couldn’t be more true with Drunk History, a series of YouTube videos in which incredibly drunk people recount important moments in history while famous actors act out their exact descriptions.  Watching a few of these videos gave us an idea: maybe we’ve been missing out on this “easy college experience” we’re all supposed to be having because we haven’t been drunk for most of it.   Before you immediately dismiss this proposition, we present to you our argument: the BlogDH’s list of four scholarly things that somehow become much easier while drunk.   [Read more →]

Is there nothing sacred left in life?  Phusion Projects announced yesterday that it would be removing caffeine, guarana, and taurine from all of its beverages, including–you guessed it–Four Loko.  Say goodbye to the wide-eyed-blackout-inducer we have come to know and love (although, yes, we realize that the we at the BlogDH must seem to like talking about it a little bit more than the average college students).

Oh well.  There’s always Red Bull.  Somehow it’s just not the same (there’s no alcohol in it…).

1. Washington State bans the crazy beverage. I guess all of you Seattle natives will have to stick to the old cup o’ Jo (Seattle’s Best perhaps?) over winter break.

2. Loko maker to halt shipments to NY State. Prediction: Brown students will care about legislation being passed in other states once it begins to infringe on our summer internship drinking habits.

3. Sen. John Tassoni plans to ban “blackout in a can” across all of RI. Those URI students just had to ruin the fun for all of us.

however, let us not forget…

4. Four Loko is still legal here in Connecticut’s Foreskin.  So drink up and get Loko!

Don’t forget to install the Social Media Sobriety Test on your computer before you do.  The folks over at Webroot have developed a new tool that will block your Facebook/Twitter/Myspace during a select few hours of the evening/early morning when (drunkenly) logging onto your various social networking accounts can do some serious damage (and lead to major regrets in the morning).  When you first install the program, you can select which sites you want to regulate and the hours that you want it to be active.  When you try to go to a site that you have set up regulation on during the hours that you specified, you will be redirected to a sobriety test which you must pass before you can continue.  The only problem is that some of the tests that they use are nearly fucking impossible even while sober.  [Read more →]

Despite what Jersey Shore may lead you to believe, recent studies have shown that there is a positive relationship between your intelligence level and your level of drinking.

According to various studies, you are boozing it up because a.) you are an early adopter of this marvelous new thing known as “alcohol,” or b.) you are making up for a childhood spent time mastering the intricacies of D&D, or c.) it’s the only way you can deal with stupid people around you.