Neglected Holidays: Evacuation Day is today!

Ahhh Thanksgiving! Eating turkey, giving thanks for friends and family, and passing out on the couch like a football-watching beached whale. That’s fine, but personally I want more days centered around Americans being badass and climbing up flagpoles.

Ok ok, allow me to explain. When Lincoln created Thanksgiving in 1863, (there’s nothing Lincoln can’t do), Evacuation Day became obsolete as a holiday and faded by the turn of the 20th century. Before its untimely demise, Evacuation Day celebrated the end of the Revolutionary War: George “Gallant Stroll” Washington took back Manhattan and evacuated the last British troops from the island on November 25th, 1783. This is my appeal to bring back Evacuation Day because it’s crazy as fuck:

  • The last shot of the war was apparently fired on this day when a smelly redcoat shot a cannon into a jeering crowd on Staten Island.
  • By the time George Washington reached the Battery, (now Battery Park), British soldiers had nailed a British flag to a flagpole at the Battery and then greased the pole, proving their douchiness. The scrappy Americans nailed some wooden cleats to the pole and John Van Arsdale was able to switch out the Union Jack for the stars and stripes before the British fleet had sailed away. Continue Reading

Participate in democracy and get cheap burgers!

Slow down there, cowboy: They’ll cut you off after four burgers.

Yet another incentive for you to rock the vote. All day tomorrow, Harry’s, home of the 68-ounce beer boot, spiked root beer float, and Mother of All Burgers, will be offering its legendarily cheap and delicious sliders for one buck a pop. (Note: This doesn’t combine with other promotions, which means no 50-cent sliders during half-off happy hour.) All you have to do is show ’em your “I Voted!” sticker. [Ed.-We get stickers for voting?!?! Why don’t they advertise that more?] No word on how us stickerless absentee voters will prove our participation, but we’ll take our chances. Burgers and democracy: Does it get any more American than that?