Theories why the Blue Room refuses to spread cream cheese

Pk-Cup_CreamCheese

The Blue Room is a great place to get a good meal. Where else but the Blue Room can you walk in at10 a.m. and get a chocolate chip muffin, a sushi roll, and an iced coffee? Despite all the love and admiration for the Blue Room, it has one major problem: why won’t we spread cream cheese? I work for BuDS and have never gotten a real answer. This may seem like a ridiculous problem to have with such a great place. Thanks to extensive socratic research and analysis, compiled here are the best theories of why we won’t spread for you.

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Rhode Island has put stringent regulations on the cream cheese business.

As many people know, Rhode Island is a corrupt very particular state. It has laws and regulations that are unique, perhaps, to its Puritanic heritage. Some examples of rational laws in Rhode Island are as follows:

1) It is against the law to throw pickle juice at a trolley.

2) It is against the law to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

These make sense, and they reflect the strict social controls the Ocean State has drafted over the years to uphold its morally sound society. Would it be so crazy to think that Rhode Island passed an anti-cream-cheese-spreading law?

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Brown has a financially selfish ulterior motive.

Brown has made some ambitious investments in the butter industry. Brown will take any opportunity it can to deter its students from using cream cheese. Fact.

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