Six reasons why you shouldn’t do laundry today

Let me preface the following article by saying I am a hygienic person. I brush my teeth at least twice a day. I wash my hands for twenty seconds under warm water with soap. I shower before leaving my room in the morning, and I get a new plate if I want seconds at the Ratty (full disclosure: I don’t want to). Having said that, here are six reasons why I never do laundry and you shouldn’t either:

1) Save money. A full cycle of laundry costs $3.00. But let’s be real: you’re doing more than one load at a time. Even if you try to cram it all in one drier, that’s $4.50 for clean clothes (read: damp). That money could be better spent on alcohol textbooks. Or hummus. Or literally anything else. Also, since the Bear Bucks machine only take bills, you’re really sacrificing the full $5.00. That shit adds up, and I ain’t no sucka.

2) I may have enough underwear and socks to last me through the apocalypse. My boxer collection could be in the MoMA, if the MoMA was deemed the lair between “my junk” and “the elements.” My shirts and pants can go through hell and high water, but the family jewels get a new home every morning, even if that home has the Superman logo on it. Besides, it’s not like I’m rolling around in dirt and vomit. How dirty could my clothes really be?

Above: my favorite underwear

Above: my favorite underwear

Just kidding. This is my favorite underwear. #teamUSA

Just kidding. This is my favorite pair of underwear. #teamUSA

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