CORRECTION: A previous version of this post said that the inflatable
Lord Voldemort He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named featured in the Opening Ceremony was 40 feet tall. He actually stood at a whopping 100 feet tall. We blame this first error on an unconscious refusal to believe that Voldemort could be larger than life.
Every four years, the world stops. The entire human race directs its attention toward a city in which athletes from all corners of the Earth (including Brown) battle it out to be considered the best in the world. Some leave with soaring egos; others leave with their hopes shattered and their dreams crushed. For 17 days, every major US television network apart from NBC might as well not exist. Simply put, we love this shit.
Why? For one, Team USA is stacked, runs deep, and boasts hundreds of insanely talented (and beautiful) athletes across dozens of sports. There’s nothing more invigorating than cheering on American athletes who are way more talented than we’ll ever be… or rooting against others who try stand in their way. Here are some more reasons why we just eat this shit up.
Eye Candy: It should come as a surprise to exactly no one that lots of athletes are pretty damn attractive. Sure, it would be fun to watch insane gymnastics stunts and nail-bitingly close swimming races regardless of what the competitors look like, but the fact that many of them are gorgeous is definitely an added benefit. Like Ryan Lochte, for example. He may not be as decorated as Michael Phelps, and he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he’s basically the personification of the word “hot” (#shamelessobjectification). And then there’s British diver Tom Daley — don’t worry, at 18 years old, he’s legal (but just barely). And we can’t forget about the women, many of them in uniforms that leave little to the imagination. Continue Reading