Sextion: Your Guide to Booty Call Texting

Sextion

People who attended college before the advent of cell phones had it much harder, at least in the booty call department. While our parents didn’t have to worry about embarrassing photos being posted online, and gossip had to be passed on old school (i.e. via whispers, not Facebook chat), the previous generations never got to experience the emotions and regret that come from reading through your texts the morning after a night of drinking.

Before you claim that texting drunk is dangerous, a bad thing, something to get you into trouble, etc. (which obviously it can), you have to think about how beneficial it can be, most notably for its complete restructuring of the late night hookup game.

Because, let’s be real. Drunk texts are just inebriated poetry.

Once upon a time, college students had to deal with drunken romantic gestures in order to get a potential hookup’s attention. Now, your booty call is just a few clicks or swipes away.

However, because of the somewhat complex nature of drunk texting, several gray areas do exist. Telling the difference between a text that screams, “Let’s get it on” and one that says “Let’s cuddle while you wallow in the friend zone” is actually more complicated than it seems. Here are a few examples of our reads on particular situations.

“Heyy” – The double use of the “y” obviously means he or she is interested in something more than just saying “hi,” but it doesn’t mean you have the green light. If you play your cards right, you might not be spending tonight alone.

“Come over” – Translation: I want you. Now.

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Psych, Jokes, & Rock ‘n’ Roll: Booty calls vs. butt dials

Have you ever noticed that a booty call and a butt dial actually mean the same thing? If I just blew your mind, then good. It’s about time we started a dialogue concerning the reason that two totally different things have the same goddamn description.

Our perpetual state of being

I’ve recently been in discussions with Oxford Institute lexicologists who, unfortunately, have repeatedly refused to acknowledge my complaint. Surely the higher ups realize that because the booty giveth and the butt taketh away, an immediate change of cellphone lingo is imperative. Since these older men refuse to answer my calls (neither booty nor butt), for the time being these terms remain unchanged.

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