The rise of premature Main Green Bro


Yesterday was the first truly warm day of the semester, and there’s no denying that the vast majority of people on College Hill are incredibly thankful for the much-needed break from last month’s onslaught of blizzards. But, it’s unlikely that every day after this one will be equally warm, which brings a serious problem to those who frequent the Main Green on a daily basis — i.e everyone. We’re talking, of course, about the inevitable rise of the premature Main Green Bro (bro being here employed as a term that may refer to any gender identity).

Most people will be familiar with another common occurrence of springtime: premature Tank Bro. Hipster Runoff (R.I.P) defines premature tank bro in relation to his/her fall-based cousin, premature scarf bro. If premature scarf bro is the bro who chooses to wear a scarf in 60 degree weather, premature tank bro is the bro who chooses to wear a tank when it’s 40 degrees out. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with doing either of these things. You may run the risk of being too hot or too cold, but if temperature doesn’t happen to be a concern for you, go right ahead.

Now, premature tank bro is a nationwide—perhaps worldwide—phenomenon. But there is a very Brown-specific type of premature bro that always seems to appear around this time of the year: premature Main Green bro, who sits out on the Main Green when most people would judge it a little too cold to do so. And this particular year, premature Main Green bros would be better off waiting until their appearance is a little less premature.

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