What to do on Parents Weekend, sans parents

I’m not bitter at all, I swear. Really. My parents aren’t coming this weekend and I’m totally fine with that. Like totally. Someone has to watch Millionaire Matchmaker, and Million Dollar Listing, and Mystery Millionaire, and if it’s not going to be my parents, who’s it going to be? They’re heroes, so it’s A-okay with me that they don’t want to drive a whole two hours to see me this weekend. I can have fun anyway. Here’s what to do if your parents don’t love you aren’t coming this Parents’ Weekend:

Go to the a capella/comedy shows

Everyone whose parents think they are worth travelling for (joke! It’s a joke!) will have to be sober for these shows, but you get to be drunk! Lucky you! At improv shows, you can make fun suggestions like, “mama’s boy!”, and “I’m not neurotic!”. You might dwell a little on the possibility that your parents just may have come to see you if you were funny or could sing or had any other talent.

Go out to dinner with your friend’s family

Your friend’s parents are oozing with parental affection and they are ready to cover you in it if you’re in the proximity. Maybe pretend they’re your parents. “Woah, Ms. and Mr. __________, this food sure is good! I’ve been living off of chocolate because I haven’t gone grocery shopping in weeks. See, I’m letting myself go and don’t really see the point anymore.” 

Call home to assert how fine you are

Say things like, “yeah I’m great!”, “Yeah SO busy, good thing you guys didn’t come”, “midterm season, you know? I would barely have any time for you anyway”, and “what? You’re not doing anything? Just hanging around? Sounds fun!”. Consider that your parents might see this article, but then remember that they don’t read BlogDH despite your repeated pleas that they, just, like, check it out. Lots of villains were obsessed with pleasing their parents, like the guy from Inception and the Green Goblin’s son. What a relief that you and your parents are in a really good mental place where you don’t feel inadequate at all, so you won’t become evil. You definitely won’t become evil. People without parents at all turn out great, like Annie and Oliver.

They would have been in Harmo

They would have been in Harmo

Though they could sing.

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Imagine 250+: Ra Ra Brunonia: Brown-Harvard Football Game


Go to the football game this weekend: a simple, yet surprisingly complex demand within the context of Brunonia. Though the air is becoming a bit more crisp and the work is beginning to pick up, we need to carry on the tradition of old and support the worthy purveyors of our athletic program (yes, we have one). The upcoming Fall Celebration for the University’s 250th Anniversary provides the perfect opportunity to make the “arduous” trek up to Brown Stadium to watch your Bears compete against the most feared hue in all the land: The Crimson. Though we understand that you may not know the rules of the game or even question why that yellow line from the TV isn’t on the field, attending the game is above all a way of channeling that often diffuse sense of school spirit. Instead of providing a general reason why you should go, it seems more appropriate to issue this “call to action” on a class-by-class basis:


It’s your first year on campus. There is absolutely no excuse for not attending this game–as long as you aren’t expecting a tailgate reminiscent of a Big Ten school or the pomp and circumstance of the University of Alabama (Roll Tide). The Brown-Harvard game is a wonderful way to build relationships with your peers, make a few memories, and if you are lucky, make it into that one Brown Athletics body-paint pic from the night (you know the one). Also, the game serves as a wonderful opportunity to show your friends that you, too, are having a great time in college (5-10 Facebook tags guaranteed).

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Imagine 250+: What To Do This Brown 250+ Weekend

Go Brown...It's ya birthday.

Go Brown…it’s ya birthday.

It’s time once again to celebrate old Brunonia’s 250th birthday, and with that comes all sorts of fun activities to pack into your weekend. Wondering what to skip and what you absolutely can’t miss? Blog has got you covered. Here’s a roundup of all the best things happening during this Fall 250th Anniversary commemoration. You can see a complete list of all of the events here.

Event: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

When: September 25-Oct 5; Thursday-Saturday at 8p.m. ; Sunday at 2p.m. in Leeds Theatre

Curt Columbus, Artistic Director of Trinity Rep, directs Stephen Sondheim’s classic musical, Sweeney Todd. This is one to promise gore and lots of meat pies.

Event: 250th Anniversary Fall Celebration Forums

When: Saturday, September 27  in MacMillan 117 or Metcalf Research Laboratory 101, 10a.m.

These panels feature Brown alumni and faculty speaking on the subject of “Building on Distinction: A New Plan for Brown,” Brown’s recently approved strategic plan. One will focus on the human brain and its impact on our every day lives, while the other will discuss the creative process of strategic planning. These will take place in MacMillan and Metcalf, respectively and will continue throughout the day.

Event: The Way to Strategy

When: Saturday, September 27 in Granoff, Lower Lobby, 10:00a.m. – 4:00p.m.

A multimedia project by Cuban artists Alexander Beatón and Pedro Gutiérrez of the Cuban Community and the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base. This is its first showing outside of Cuba.

Event: The Brown Reader Contributors’ Reading

When: Saturday, September 27 at the Brown Bookstore, 2:00 p.m.

Come hear esteemed alums read their contributions to this amazing anthology of Brown alumni experiences.

Event: Dedication of A Slavery Memorial

When: Saturday, September 27 on the Quiet Green, 3p.m.

See the dedication of one of Brown’s newest memorials on its prettiest green.

Event: Third World Center Renaming Celebration and Reception

When: Saturday, September 27 at the Third World Center at 5p.m.

Reception to follow (AKA food!).

Event: Brown vs. Harvard Football under the lights

When: Saturday, September 27 at Brown Stadium, 6:00pm

If you’re going to go to one football game this year (you’ll probably only go to one), it should be this one. The tailgate starts at 4:00p.m. Go Brown State!

Event: A Night on College Hill: Celebrating 250 Years of Brown

When: Saturday, September 27 at Pembroke Field House, 10p.m. – 2a.m.

Campus dance round 2 and this time it’s ~free~.

Event: Thayer Street Festival

When: Sunday, September 28 on Thayer Street, 10a.m. – 5:00p.m.

The First Annual Thayer Street Festival promises live dance performance, music, local artists and more.

Event: Sunday on the Green

When: Sunday, September 28 on the Main Green, 11:30a.m. – 3:00p.m.

Event: Waxwing

When: Friday, September 26 at 8pm, Saturday, September 27 at 2pm and 8pm in the Upspace at PW

Written and directed by Evan Silver ’16, Waxwing includes original music and runs only 45 minutes.

Farmers Market + a capella + Binder = yassss!

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Kendrick Lamar drops a new single and we’re digging it


As much as we’ve loved listening to songs from “good kid, m.A.A.d city,” using our Brown/Kendrick translation guide, and playing “Swimming Pools Mad Libs,”  it’s almost time to add some more Kendrick into our repertoire. Earlier today, Kendrick Lamar released his highly anticipated single “i,” which will be featured on his next LP (release date unannounced).

The single starts off with a man passionately exclaiming “he [Kendrick] is not a rapper, he’s a writer, he’s an author” and “if you read between the lines” of this song, “we’ll learn how to love one another.” The man closes by saying that we cannot accomplish this state of love “without loving yourself first.” At the end of the speech, the song abruptly transitions into a sample of The Isley Brothers’ 1973 hit “That Lady,” (read: that song from the Swiffer commercial). This is Lamar’s first solo single in almost two years, and it’s fair to say it’s a refreshingly new sound for Kendrick. Did we mention that the song is four minutes and twenty seconds long?

Dangeroo Kipawaa, CEO of Lamar’s record label Top Dawg Ent, tweeted:


If this song is for all men phes, prepare to start blasting this song on your walk to class, at the gym, or while you’re cranking out that paper so that you can celebrate your nearing Brown 250+ weekend right.

Also #tbt to that time that Kendrick Lamar came to Brown on April 20th, 2013. Remember??

Image via.

The Herald wants to know what your favorite Brown meal is

As part of its Brown 250+ web site that will be going up soon, the Brown Daily Herald wants images of Brunonia’s favorite meals from the various university eateries. You heard right. The BDH wants your Ratty food porn.

Whether it’s a succulent Spicy With from Jo’s, grilled chicken from the Ratty, or whatever it is they sell at Poppy’s, this is a great opportunity to let your voice be heard on what is sure to be a beautiful new site. To enter your photo, simply post it to Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #BrownEats. Once the site goes live, your favorite food will be there for all to see. We haven’t heard anything about whether or not there will be prizes for the top submissions, but know that the person who puts the best filter on an Ivy Room falafel wrap has a special place in my heart. Be sure to post your favorites!

Image via Emily Gilbert ’14.

Our cake is bigger than yours

You may or may not have caught a glimpse of Brown’s 250th anniversary cake/monstrosity last week. Without my glasses, I could behold only a blurry, brown structure before the equally-out-of-focus podiums and rainbow flags flying high on the 3rd floor of Faunce (bravo, kids). Amidst hangry students struggling to appreciate synchronized slam poetry, I could take the time to imagine what our culinary masterpiece looked like. It wasn’t just a replica of University Hall. It was a Cake Boss rival. It was the real Ace of Cakes. It was our very own sculpted dessert straight from a bona fide bakery, Oakleaf Cakes.

My imagination didn’t have to run too far, for Brown really did take the cake. After I made it tore my way through the crowd and tried the not-so-delectable treat, I researched its competition. Here are the cakes Brown surpasses (and a few we didn’t quite beat). Sorry I couldn’t sugarcoat it for you.

Unseating the Incumbent

obama cheesecake

The 500-pound inaugural cheesecake

At 650 pounds, Brown’s University Hall outweighed Obama’s inaugural 500-pound cheesecake created by Chicago-based Eli’s Cheesecake Company. The three-tiered Democratic dessert featured a replica of the Capitol Dome topped with a gold Statue of Freedom. But the part-chocolate chip, part-original plain cheesecake, crafted from 155 pounds of cream cheese, 50 pounds of butter, and 20 dozen eggs, among other gargantuan amounts of ingredients couldn’t hold a smoking candle to Oakleaf’s masterwork.


Commander-in-Chief cake weighed only 50 lbs 

The second inaugural cake made by Charm City Cakes (of Ace of Cakes fame) for the Commander-in-Chief Ball doesn’t even come close to Brown’s cake prowess. At a measly 3-4 feet to our 5 feet, the six-tiered (that’s right, six tiers couldn’t top us) red velvet, lemon poppy seed, pineapple coconut, and pumpkin chocolate chip confection weighed in at a surprising 50 pounds.

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