Useless Rankings: We made BuzzFeed’s Craziest College Confessions of 2013

As 2013 comes to an end, the Internet is ripe with end-of-the-year “best of 2013” lists: best photos, best songs, movies, and of course, best university confessions. A post on Brown Confessions made BuzzFeed’s Craziest College Confessions of 2013. Which confession? you might ask. None other than “I’ve been faking a British accent since I got to Brown and it’s gotten me so much pu**y.” Satisfied? I personally think there were a lot better ones this semester. So with that, let’s recap the top six confessions of this semester:

  1. The creep: “I knew the telescope that my grandpa gave me last summer in Weehawken would come in handy. I live in the Keeney quadrangle and some nights, when my roommate is out, I use it to look into the rooms of the girls across the courtyard. Those lollipop undies are so hot. Next time you leave the lights on, keep the shades up, I’ll be watching…”
  2. The most blasphemous: “I had forgotten that Brown University Compliments existed until a rogue post appeared on my news feed today. Sorry BlogDH.”
  3. The existential crisis: “I am a senior and I am beginning to F R E A K T H E F U C K O U T about my impending real adult life.”
  4. The asshole: “I pretend to be on board with my girlfriend’s feminist causes because she is really hot and our sex is great, but also because I know it comes from an insecurity that I can exploit when I need to. Yeah, come at me Brown.”
  5. The most relatable: “Sometimes I treat myself and I go to the Ratty soda dispenser and I pour a little ginger ale, let the foam sit, and make all these bitches wait for me to pour a little more and let the foam sit again, and repeat until I have a sexy ass full glass of delicious ginger ale.”
  6. The daredevil: “Just let out a (hopefully) silent 10 second fart in the Absolute Quiet Room at the Rock while wearing headphones. This is how I live dangerously.”

Happy holidays everyone!


Everyone should take a look at the Brown Advisors page

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Are you having trouble with registration? Are you unable to find a particular classroom? Are you confused on the best way to order a salad at Jo’s, but too embarrassed to consult a friend? There’s now a Facebook page for that: Brown Advisors.

Building off the immense popularity of pages like our very own Brown University Compliments, the Brown Advisors page bills itself as being “created by Meik Leadership as a forum for all advising needs.”

The page was obviously designed with first-years in mind, but any student can ask a question or reply to someone else’s (we’re talking to you, upperclassmen). The anonymous nature of the posting allows you to ask questions you’d otherwise be too embarrassed to ask, while the open nature of the page essentially crowd-sources answers to your question.

The point being: sign up for Brown Advisors, or at least check it out. Whether or not you intend to ask any questions, you may be able to answer someone else’s and make their next trip to Jo’s just a little bit better.


Here’s our very own Brown University Auto-Complimenter

During one of my scroll sessions through the Brown University Compliments page (presented by BlogDailyHerald), getting my daily fix of insane jealousy the warm-and-fuzzies, I noticed something a little weird. After reading a few dozen compliments, the words “beautiful,” “life,” “caring,” and “kind” basically meant nothing to me anymore. It was kind of freaky. But I kept scrolling. To my amazement, I couldn’t find a single compliment that didn’t use at least one of about ten select words.

So, like any rational person, my first thought was to verify my somewhat biased findings by downloading every single compliment ever posted on the page, as well as a few classic novels from Project Gutenberg, and running some stats on them. Here’s what I found (click on the image below to enlarge):

word_incidence_rate_per_word

So apparently, compliments on the page use “life” and “lives” more often than Mary Shelley did when she wrote a book about the creation of life. Next, the number of characters per word in the same texts (click on the image below to enlarge):

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No comment on this one, except that if you send me a compliment, it better have an average of at least 15 characters per word.

Anyway, these stats revealed to me the magical formula for writing the best compliments ever. And now you, too, can give someone the most amazingly beautiful and genuinely passionate compliment without even having to think about it! Just hit the button below and copy-pasta to your heart’s delight.


Paging Brown Admirers: The (love) doctors are in

Try to think back to your middle school years. Among the several airbrushed sweatshirts, Black Eyed Peas hits, and rounds on rounds of Icy Tower, there was was the all-knowing and infallible Love Calculator that would help you determine the likelihood that you and your crush (<3) would end up ~together 4ever.~ You’d type in your name and that of your “dream partner” and the website would hurl a random percentage right back at your face; yet you were unsatisfied that despite your 3 8 17 entries that day, your crush would never be informed of your feelings for him/her.

Fast-forward to 2013: Facebook is probably the center of your (online) universe, and your cupid-like peers have drastically changed the love game. Enter “Brown Admirers,” a Facebook page through which you can submit a light-hearted message to a crush or individual you’ve been admiring from afar in the form of a Google Doc. The page’s administrators then post your submission on its timeline and tag the person to whom the message was directed. You can submit the message anonymously or with your name, or you can even include little clues to help them determine who the sender is. In other words, your crush will definitely get the message but the extent to which you reveal yourself to him/her is completely in your hands.  Continue Reading


Deconstructing The Social Ivy: Penn students “cool, friendly”; all other Ivies “anti-social shut-ins”

Just when you thought Penn couldn’t get any more obnoxious, its pompous and “generous” alumni are dropping big money to “widen the gap between the cool, friendly kids of Penn and the anti-social shut-ins at other Ivies.” The Social Ivy strives to facilitate social interactions between Penn students by covering part of the cost of their social gatherings, mainly dinners during which non-alcoholic drinks are served. Upon learning of this initiative, Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, Princeton, and Yale collectively projectile vomited on the city of Philadelphia in disgust. Benjamin Franklin must be turning in his grave.

To sign up for a table at a restaurant, the site must deem you “worthy”—upon picking a table, you must answer a question correctly to qualify. Why do these students need to prove that they’re worthy? According to the website’s FAQ section, “Alumni want to unite the best and only the best. The Social Ivy ensures that the students who get together to share ideas and have a good time are not only cool and interesting, but also smart and informed.” These “Very Important People” in the Penn community must have the “swagger” and the “confidence” to invite their friends to these events and network; in doing so, they “prove they’re suave” (emphasis mine… and if The Social Ivy’s creative team believes that suaveness takes human form in any of the individuals pictured above, it is seriously mistaken).

It’s bad enough to call the highly intelligent, driven, and hard-working students at the other seven Ivy League institutions anti-social hermits. But here’s the bigger problem: Continue Reading


Introducing Brown University Compliments

BlogDailyHerald is excited to present Brown University Compliments, a social experiment that started at Queen’s University in Canada. It has met with a lot of success and has spread to schools like Washington University in St. Louis and Yale. We all love each other at this school, so why not share our love for one another with the greater Brown community?

The concept is simple: this page is a forum for you to give your friends some joy anonymously in a way that you might not be able to in person. Inbox us a compliment about a Brown student (please include his or her name) and we’ll post it right away! If you’d like your friend to see the post, you can “share” it to his or her wall. Compliment away!