RETURN OF SUPER HEAVY PETTING

BABY

The bunnies are back. But am I ready for motherhood?

THE BUNNIES ARE BACK!

As the sun sets on our spring break reprieve, we wake up today a doleful dawn. But shall we languish away, lugubrious, powerless against the tide of finals and papers that awaits us until the Amnesty of Spring Weekend? No! For the University has brought us a bountiful gift of bunnies to ameliorate our heartache. The return of SUPER HEAVY PETTING is today, folks, as a welcome back and welcome to spring. It will begin at 11 a.m. and continue until 2 p.m. today on Wriston.

I wish. But let’s return to that most magical experience. Some of my worthy peers may remember the Heavy Petting event that happened about a month ago. I, for one, have vivid memories of that fateful day:

I exited the Ratty. They stared at me with deep-set, knowing eyes, wrapped up in a blanket like the cheese-and-bean burrito I had just consumed. I stood transfixed, as their eyes followed me, questioning, contemplating, wondering.

Suddenly, my boots had a life of their own. They took off, running towards the Bunny Burritos. Pass me the bunny, bitch, I growled to a pony-tailed freshman. I lifted the cauliflower-colored bunny into my arms, and cradled it like my baby. Continue Reading


Bunny wars

The Wall Street Journal reports that some bunny wars are being waged at one Los Angeles college. Administrators are threatening the colonies of more than 300 rabbits thriving at Long Beach City College with measures as serious as neutering.

They’re not sure exactly where all the rabbits came from, but they’re speculating that the colony may be fueled by locals who abandon pet rabbits there, especially in the days and weeks following Easter. Campus police are now enforcing a $500 fine on locals for bunny-dumping. Continue Reading