You may or may not have caught a glimpse of Brown’s 250th anniversary cake/monstrosity last week. Without my glasses, I could behold only a blurry, brown structure before the equally-out-of-focus podiums and rainbow flags flying high on the 3rd floor of Faunce (bravo, kids). Amidst hangry students struggling to appreciate synchronized slam poetry, I could take the time to imagine what our culinary masterpiece looked like. It wasn’t just a replica of University Hall. It was a Cake Boss rival. It was the real Ace of Cakes. It was our very own sculpted dessert straight from a bona fide bakery, Oakleaf Cakes.
My imagination didn’t have to run too far, for Brown really did take the cake. After I
made it tore my way through the crowd and tried the not-so-delectable treat, I researched its competition. Here are the cakes Brown surpasses (and a few we didn’t quite beat). Sorry I couldn’t sugarcoat it for you.
Unseating the Incumbent
The 500-pound inaugural cheesecake
At 650 pounds, Brown’s University Hall outweighed Obama’s inaugural 500-pound cheesecake created by Chicago-based Eli’s Cheesecake Company. The three-tiered Democratic dessert featured a replica of the Capitol Dome topped with a gold Statue of Freedom. But the part-chocolate chip, part-original plain cheesecake, crafted from 155 pounds of cream cheese, 50 pounds of butter, and 20 dozen eggs, among other gargantuan amounts of ingredients couldn’t hold a smoking candle to Oakleaf’s masterwork.
Commander-in-Chief cake weighed only 50 lbs
The second inaugural cake made by Charm City Cakes (of Ace of Cakes fame) for the Commander-in-Chief Ball doesn’t even come close to Brown’s cake prowess. At a measly 3-4 feet to our 5 feet, the six-tiered (that’s right, six tiers couldn’t top us) red velvet, lemon poppy seed, pineapple coconut, and pumpkin chocolate chip confection weighed in at a surprising 50 pounds.
I picked a bad weekend to go out of town. This past weekend was chock-full of once-in-a-lifetime events that I will tell my grandchildren that I missed. What I didn’t miss, however, were the massive amounts of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram posts telling me exactly how much I missed. I spent a substantial portion of the weekend trying to weave together many statuses, tweets, and photos posted by fellow friends, acquaintances, and classmates. After some serious cyber-sleuthing (read: Google), here is what I was able to deduce:
No one seems to be sure if Brown is married or celebrating a birthday. Anniversary and birthday are not interchangeable words. Which one are we celebrating here?! The University labelled Brown’s semiquincentenary an anniversary…but there was birthday cake. Or was it an anniversary cake? Either way, this place is 250 (+?) years young and apparently we must celebrate accordingly. And when I say accordingly, I mean from March 2014- May 2015. I guess we really are the fun Ivy.
Friday night was a tame mixture of Spring Weekend and Sochi. The Main Green was said to be so loud that no one could even hear President Paxson’s speech. The muddiness may have also contributed to a Spring Weekend foam party–like feel, but instead of getting pink eye, students’ shoes just got a little dirty. In addition, the 250+ flames/lights/blazing balls of fire were said to be extremely inconsistent and constantly changing colors and intensity; however, many were unsure if this was intentional or a #SochiProblem. We at BlogDH want to know whose idea it was for this fire-lit “250+” on University Hall and can we have whichever Blue Room muffin they were eating at the time?
In case you were too busy fighting through the crowds for a taste of red velvet cake to take in the moment, our ace photographer Danielle Perelman ’17 was on the case. From perches in Faunce and shockingly near President Paxson’s podium, she snapped these awesome photos and many more. Click on the thumbnails for zoomed in versions of the images.
We can neither confirm nor deny that any Blog writers were involved in that dance party that was going on at a window on the 3rd floor. You all know you saw it.
It’s easy to get cozily complacent in the bubble that is College Hill, and for good reason — we have pretty much everything we need, from hip/creepy coffee shops to multiple Irish pubs to the GCB. But Blue Room muffins can only satisfy a sweet tooth for so long, and those cake pops at Starbucks are freaking weird. That’s where Pastiche comes in. Tucked away on a back street of Federal Hill, it’s a whole new world from our collegiate haven… Evidently, a world filled with fancy cake.
The chipper yellow awning and blue-trimmed storefront are reminiscent of cafés on the cobblestone streets of quaint European villages. A dining room that seats about 25 is flanked on one side by a working fireplace and mural of the Italian countryside, on the other by dessert crazytown. A big glass display case contains made-in-house cakes, which are sold whole or by the slice; trays and shelves and towers spill with more treats. Welcome to your dream. Continue Reading
Ah, Saint Valentine, thank you for all you have given us. What would we do without red-foil-wrapped Hershey’s Kisses and poorly written Hallmark cards? Okay okay, I’m not one to be cynical about love and romance, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel a little left out when Starbucks cups and movie night advertisements in the SciLi continuously remind me that I’m (insert cough and awkward eye-contact deflection here) single.
Fortunately for me (and for all of us in college), I cannot complain about the lack of love in my life when my friends and the people I adore most in the world constantly surround me (seriously, I feel like I’m participating in a year-long sleepover with my roommates and I could not be happier). So, to show my roommates how much I love them and how much they mean to me (#sappy), I decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a baked treat: red velvet cake. Continue Reading
Some of these cakes are very bad. Some of them are very good. But all of these are more exciting than the flat sheet cakes in the V-Dub.