RI gay marriage watch: Is 2013 the year?

StatehouseAs we enter the new year (and, in turn, the 2013 legislative session), many now speculate that the Democratic leadership in the Rhode Island State Legislature will pass a new bill to legalize same-sex marriage. Rhode Island is the only state in New England that does not allow same-sex couples to marry. State House Speaker Gordon Fox, the sponsor of the bill, said it would be debated on the House floor by the end of the month. The bill is likely to pass the House, but the outcome of the vote in the Senate is still uncertain. Senate President Teresa Paiva Weed is against gay marriage.

The majority of voters in RI support allowing same sex marriage, but the proposed bill is not without its opponents. Bishop Thomas Tobin, a powerful local figure (Rhode Island is the most Catholic state in the country), called the measure “immoral and unnecessary.” Governor Lincoln Chafee ’75 P’14, who passed a law allowing for civil unions between same-sex couples two years ago, has said he is “eager” to sign the bill if it arrives at his desk.

Brown, of course, has had its own run-in with some anti-gay Crusaders in recent years (check this out if you’re a freshman or sophomore), and it’s safe to assume students still “love gays.” We were indeed ranked 4th most LGBT-friendly college last year.

The RI House Judiciary Committee will hold a hearing on the bill today. Keep checking back here for more updates about the bill’s progress.


Jon Stewart rallies the Pilgrims to defend our heathen governor

As certain people have so politely put it, true red-blooded Americans are under attack, with thousands of us dying every day.  Of course, by “us” I mean “our delicate Christmas spirits.” Yes, I’m talking about the recent smear campaign, launched by Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee ’75 P’14, against the glowing spruce spreading its rearview-mirror-air-freshener scent all around our local State House rotunda. As reported by every news outlet west of the Holy Land, Gov. Chafee recently had the satanic audacity to call our Jesus Juniper a “Holiday Tree.”  Really, Chafee?  You thought your crucifix-rubbing constituents wouldn’t notice?

Well…okay, I didn’t notice.  But guess who did?  Jon Stewart.  The Pundit Prince himself took to the airwaves and gave all the crusading berserkers at Faux News a piece of his mind.  I won’t spoil the historical revelations for you, but let’s just say that the Pilgrims and the Founding Fuckin’ Fathers themselves all showed up to support Chafee.

So I guess the godforsaken gubernatorials got the upper hand this time. And that scares me. What’s next?  Islamic icicles?  Wiccan wreaths? On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen!  On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and…BUDDHIST?  How am I supposed to explain that to my five-year-old son? Chafee, you’re what Alfred was talking about. You just want to watch Christmas burn.

It all evens out in the end, though, because despite Chafee pushing the Arboreal Antichrist on us, Sean Hannity still looks like the cigar-smoking bastard child of Newt Gingrich, Jay Leno, and a teddy bear.  (And on that note, I summon Rule 34.  You’re welcome.)

You can watch the clip here and the full episode here.