Onward, to arrogance and elitism!

Dear President Paxson,

With our campus recently filled with dialogues of divestment, sexual assault, and same-sex marriage, I can imagine that you are looking for a respite from the demanding life of a university president, a job that requires you to curate a safe, empowering environment for thousands of brilliant students, taking into account our needs and social awareness.

Unfortunately, I cannot give you that respite.

You see, I’ve kept another pressing issue locked up inside me. It started as a joke, then suddenly became real, in a cataclysm of fiery, uncouth emotions: confusion, anger, astonishment. You have left me reeling, Christina.

I speak, of course, of your Batman endorsement.

I can sense a shocked denial approaching. Nay, you are on record. Last winter, during a UCS “Fireside Chat” — Ah! what pleasant names we give the propagation of evil! — you offended a nation.

[Read more →]

This afternoon, President Christina Paxson gave her first “State of Brown” speech. Though, in her words, it was more of a “discussion” than a speech, it stuck largely to the stated agenda of reviewing the strategic planning process from the past year. Since there were only about 40 non-UCS, non-University administration members of the community in Salomon 101—I blame it on the beautiful weather—it’s safe to assume most of you need to know the highlights of the speech. Read it; it’s worth knowing what’s actually going on with your school.

1. “Brown… needs to be Brown.” Paxson said this while recounting how her undergraduate experience at Swarthmore (she dabbled in English and Philosophy before landing on Economics her junior year) gave her a deep appreciation of the liberal arts education. Any changes that come with evolutions in education, such as online classes (more on that later), will not come at the expense of what makes Brown special.

2. Priorities for Strategic Planning. The academic priorities were brain science, public health, engineering, humanities, the Watson Institute, and a building for environmental research and teaching. Student life priorities were housing and athletics. The access priority was financial aid.

3. The new School of Public Health will be “distinctive” in that it will have plenty of opportunities for undergraduate participation.

[Read more →]

Despite the lack of a working fireplace in the room (Brown is an intellectually stimulating but flame retardant school), UCS has been holding a series of fireside chats with Brown’s most impressive/interesting/scandalous people, and so it’s only natural that they would end up getting access to our new Supreme Chancellor, Christina Paxson. Yesterday UCS posted to their Facebook page a 6:30 clip jam-packed with the stuff you won’t find on Paxson’s CV. She was in a freshman-senior relationship! She has a personal trainer! She likes ice cream! And so on, into the abyss of throwaway questions.

However, nestled in the midst of the softballs being lobbed thick and slow is a glowing, white-hot fastball. At the 5:06 mark of the interview, the UCS representatives pull a quick one on Christina, and ask her to choose sides on a terrifyingly polarizing issue, a true puzzler submitted by yours truly: Spider-Man or Batman? Tune in above to see whether Paxson sides with DC or Marvel, 1% or kid-next-door, vigilante or lovable freak. We’ve found out her true character, folks…

I really want Tom Tisch’s hat

I wasted a lot of time yesterday while holed up in my apartment. My housemates and I watched Mac & Devon Go To High School on Netflix, which had to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen (it was narrated by a talking cartoon joint voiced by Mystikal). Broken Social Scene’s self-titled album beautifully scored the intense struggle of the birds trying to fly around outside of my window. I actually read some pretty solid articles in The Indy about New Deal landmarks in PVD, RI food culture, and the Fourth Annual Hood Dairy Cook-Off.

Additionally, I finally had time to check out the video of President Paxson’s Inaugural Address.  While the ceremony as a whole rather predictably ran a bit long, Paxson’s address was really something that everyone should check out. In the speech, she outlined her take on what a Brown education can and should mean and the intrinsic value of higher education. She also addressed what she views as the role Brown should play in Providence, and her vision for Brown’s future.  You can read the full text of the address here.

“It’s before 4 p.m., you can’t use meal credi-” “SPAAAARRRTTTAAAAAAAA!”

Next Wednesday, the Brown community can experience the rare pleasure of uniting as one, in a scene reminiscent, in both scale and pomp, of the Transcontinental Railroad’s completion. Uniting, I say, and driving a sweaty, visceral spike straight through the heart of whatever whimpering modicum of respectability lies pitifully deep within the critically ill institution of liberal arts academia. Specifically, a screening of 300, presented (really? is that the word to use for crop-dusting us with liquid testosterone?) by the Joukowsky Institute for Archaeology and the Ancient World. It’s part of the JIAA’s “See the Movie…Then Think About It” series, which amounts to the classic game “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon,” but replacing yourself with a Hollywood movie and Kevin Bacon with academic relevancy.

By all objective measures, it’s gonna be sick. Think about it: hundreds of your peers, that actor who plays Faramir telling stories in an eye-patch and metal bikini, cosmic amounts of Geneva Conventions-obliterating violence, Christina Paxson — wait, what?

Yep. Our brand new president is still in her first Hundred Days, but instead of playing it safe and limiting herself to the normal presidential stuff like touring the new gym and saying “hi” to oblivious freshmen, she’s decided to sit in on a movie whose main reason for being is to prove, once and for all, that the human drive for power and accomplishment exists independently of the presence of clothes. You gotta give it to her — she’s not afraid to take on the big issues of our time.

Our only advice to you, Christina, is this: either leave the room during the slow-mo (and, like, what, 20-minute long?) sex scene, or practice composing your face into a perfectly impassive mask of inner peace when every student turns to you to see how the face of the University reacts to such a confusing amount of eroticized pseudo-history.

Image via.

Now THAT is a scarf.

Every castle must have its king (or queen…or phetriarch…) and Brown, despite its loyalty to free thought and vegan activism, subscribes to that rule.  As the first class to begin Brown in a Ruth-less environment, a key part of your orientation is understanding who will serve as your very own Chancellor Palpatine (we’re talking pre-Naboo crisis Palpatine) throughout the next years of your lives.

With this in mind, do not miss the first freshman address tomorrow afternoon from Christina Paxson, Brown’s newly-appointed 19th president, author of a questionably hilarious study on height, and owner of a kickass shirt design. She’ll be addressing the whole university on Wednesday, but you get VIP access to her at 2 p.m. on the Main Green, during what will hopefully be a classic Rhode Island Sunday afternoon. Do yourself a favor and take a break from comparing Parisian travel plans and SAT Subject Test scores with that guy from Harvard-Westlake and open your ears to a new voice. Will her remarks stray too far from the template set by every university leader throughout recorded history? Probably not. Will she pander to you with some empty-chair performance art? Hopefully. At the very least, consider this: it’s a bonding moment. You’re brand new, she’s brand new. D’awwww.

July 1, 2012 marks the end of one era and the beginning of another in Brunonia. Although we were informed of Ruth’s departure last September, and were subsequently presented with finger sandwiches, fancy water cooler things, and Paxson’s amazing yellow scarf back in early March, things just got real: Today, President Ruth Simmons’ eleven-year term officially drew to a close, and President Christina Paxson‘s term officially began.

Yet as we bid a final farewell to our beloved Prez Ruth Simmons, her charisma, and her overall awesomeness, we take comfort in knowing that she will be immortalized as we plan to enjoy future Fall Concerts, Mande finals, and Campus Dances on Ruth’s Quad.  We’ve finally come to terms with Ruth’s departure after a baccalaureate address, a carnival, and several tear-jerking montages and tributes; now, we can’t wait to discover what Chris has in store for us (and yes, we’ll gladly “feel free” to be some of the people who call her Chris).

Pax Brunonia starts now!

Images by Emily Gilbert ’14 and Rachel Kaplan ’14.

Last Wednesday’s doughboys and flash mobs proved it: Ruth is leaving, and soon.

Now it’s time to face our collective Brunonian future: Pax City, which…officially begins July 1. The Herald already ran an interview with [Spoiler Alert] Chris, but our ink-stained brethren missed some of the truly important stuff. Like, what does she think about coffee milk? Luckily, Chris took the time to (diplomatically) answer our pressing inquiries:

Where did you get the (awesome) yellow scarf you wore to your announcement? [Read more →]

Remember senior year of high school? Tearing through envelopes upon envelopes, closely reading  looking at pictures of different schools and their unique offerings. Beyond each distinct campus and student body, each college displayed one image that I am sure resonated with you throughout the process — the seal.

Though we have all become familiar with the Brown seal with the sun peaking its creepy face over four illegible books, the design of the seal has come a long way since the University’s establishment in Warren, RI in 1764. As Brown was founded prior to the American Revolution, the initial seal of the college, commissioned in 1765 at the second meeting of the Corporation, depicted the profiles of King George III and Queen Charlotte, an image often seen by students venturing into the Sharpe Refectory in 2012. Though ideas were developed and discussed, a new design was not formally instituted until 1833, almost thirty years after the change of name from Rhode Island College to Brown University. The present day Rhode Island College was not too creative in their choice of name #thatsso1803 (Get on our level). Brown: always the cool kid on the block. [Read more →]

Our new prez already has more school spirit than half of our student body. Check out her scarf-

Here’s a close up-

Photo by Rachel Kaplan / Herald