No longer the “douchiest”…

Brown may still be the happiest school in the country, but we’re no longer the douchiest, according to the recently published book The Rogers & Littleton Guide to America’s Douchiest Colleges and GQ’s 2011 list.  H. L. Rogers and Peter Littleton, authors of both the book and GQ’s list, didn’t even include Brown in the top ten douchiest colleges.  In addition to college reviews, the 176-page book outlines the top factors douches consider when choosing a college and the “Eleven Douchiest Drinking Games.”  Ruit is nowhere to be found on the list, so it comes as no surprise that Brown didn’t make the cut this year.

Instead, Cornell took the number one spot, being referred to as “the home of the ‘chip on the shoulder’ douche.” An intern for Business Insider responded with a defense that not surprisingly, is pretty douchey itself, unlike the Herald’s clever response to our 2009 GQ ranking.

By the way, the image above is an actual screen shot from Cornell’s law school’s website.  Yes, Cornell is actually douchey enough to use Andy Bernard, an incredibly douchey fictional character from “The Office,” on the homepage of its law school’s website.

Cornell professor snaps over student’s “overly-loud yawn”

How many times have you stayed up late writing a paper, drinking Four Loko, or perhaps testing out some of California’s finest (wine, of course)? The fact is that you’re tired the next morning and if you are unfortunate enough to have Professor Talbert’s lecture, be damn sure to conceal your sleepiness. He will tolerate none of your “overly-loud yawns” or other rude noise-making shenanigans.  In fact he will even interrupt class for the occasion and comb the audience in order to locate this pooped perpetrator.

However, if you are the drowsy delinquent, next time just follow these simple instructions and all will be well:

  1. Get up and walk the hell out.
  2. Yawn outside.
  3. Stay out of class or do whatever you need to do to get over it.
  4. Ask yourself, “Why am I the one loser that has to do that if 220 other people know better?”

If you are in a whistleblowing mood, nonetheless, feel free to anonymously tell Professor Talbert who did it.

A kilobyte.


The Ivy ‘Madness’ continues

Remember 1979? With No. 12 Cornell’s upset victory today over No. 5 Temple in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, an Ivy League team has a shot to go past the second round for the first time in 31 years.  In that year’s tournament, Penn made it all the way to the Final Four after a huge second-round upset of Dean Smith’s No. 1 North Carolina Tar Heels. Still, eventual winner Michigan State—who had some guy named Earvin “Magic” Johnson—smoked Penn in the Final Four by 34 points. Since then, five Ivies have made it to the second round only to bow out. The Big Red will have a chance to avoid that fate on Sunday against the winner of the Wisconsin-Wofford game.

UPDATE: Wofford fell just short against UWisc. Looks like there will be a lot of red at the Cornell game.