An honest cover letter (for the job you won’t get)

hire-me-writing-service

We’re in the thick of internship application season, and many of us are sending out cover letter after cover letter in the hopes that someone in HR might slip up and actually hire us. For those who don’t feel like using mad libs to earn gainful employment, here’s a (brutally) honest cover letter about all of the marketable skills, leadership experience, and technical expertise my American Studies concentration has given me (Ed. Don’t send this to any employer ever):

To whom it may concern,

My name is Brian Semel and I am writing to apply for a summer internship position at your company, which I heard about through an incredibly vague Google search after looking at the dining hall menu for the third time today and before a YouTube video of animals with people voices, which is playing as I type this. I think you will find I am uniquely unqualified for any position whatsoever, and I am eager to work for a company I only just heard about.

I am a sophomore at Brown University where I concentrate in American Studies, which essentially means I live in America and think it’s kind of decent. My liberal arts education has given me no practical skills, but I have several suggestions about what to next binge on Netflix. My involvement in the Brown community can best be described as “insubstantial.” But fear not, potential employer: I also dislike working with others and I am terrible at coming up with even uncreative solutions to the most solvable problems.

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Writing your cover letter: A Mad Lib

(BlogDH) Cover LetterIt’s application season. You’ve bookmarked internship sites, done your research, and have even perfected your handshake. But goddamnit, you just can’t get yourself to write that application. Girls is just so much more interesting, and, application-writing is just so…well, boring. We’ve made you a handy dandy Mad Lib to entertain you and expedite the arduous internship application process. Body humor is still funny. Who knew? See our suggestions after the jump. You’ll totally get the job with our help (pause…not).  Continue Reading

A BlogDailyHerald cover letter

Either at Thanksgiving or sometime around mid-March, nearly every Brunonian faces the same question from his or her disgruntled parents: “What are we doing this summer?” ‘We,’ in these circumstances, is not a mere colloquialism, but rather a literal probe into what your parents (and their wallets) should expect from you in the summer months. In the best case scenario, you’ve secured a steady job or paid internship that marks the first babysteps toward financial independence. The converse, on the other hand, involves a mixture of professional couch sitting, regular over-drafting and occasional death threats from the very people who gave you life. By now, they’ve expected you to have applied to a plethora of prestigious jobs. Of course, parents just don’t understand how much effort it takes to drop one’s pre-med plans and leave the Green not read Kant for the next few weeks — that’s why BlogDH has decided to supply you with a nearly perfect cover letter template to ease the application process. Check out our surefire personal statement after the jump. Continue Reading