“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.” -Marylin Monroe
Take a look at the latest cover of Cosmo or any popular women’s magazine and you’re sure to find a catchy title promising secrets about how to gain the upper hand in a relationship via bedroom techniques. The idea that we can control a person by sex — either by “giving it up,” or “limiting it,” or “doing it well” — is a common myth plaguing our pop culture. Heather HotPants is guilty as charged. Growing up, I was told that withholding sex was a sure way to get whatever I wanted from the person I was with. My crazy Great Aunt Ruth would make comments like, “When your Uncle Robbie and I fight, I never apologize,” adding proudly, “I just don’t sleep with him and he always caves in after a few days.” Thanks, Aunt Ruth!
A relationship is a war for control. Or so we’re told. Stand strong, hold your line of defense, you’ll win the fight! Want nice dinners? Don’t have sex! Want to meet his parents? Don’t have sex! Want to be treated nicely? Hang with his friends? Land a wedding ring? Don’t have sex!
Does this really work? [Read more →]