Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife—a crime spree is devastating local businesses.

Beef thief. A supermarket thief is currently on the lam after stealing $320 in porterhouse steaks from a grocery store in Franklin, MA, WPRI reported. The store’s surveillance videos show a man leaving the store with 26 steaks. Is the thief hosting the world’s most epic barbeque, or does he just have the world’s worst black eye? Either way, the stakes have been raised in the meat theft game.

Dick’s hurting after stolen balls. A golf ball theft is chipping away at the profits of Dick’s Sporting Goods in Smithfield, RI. Last week, a woman made off with eight boxes or more than $380 worth of golf balls, WPRI reported. The woman is currently on RI’s list of Most Wanted criminals. [Read more →]

In what can only be described as an episode of Cops: Brown Edition, a student was arrested on Saturday night after an altercation with police. It seems as though the intoxicated student thought the BDS worker was a little too slow dishing out snacks during an otherwise uneventful impromptu Jo’s rager. The student was pinned to the ground by police officers after he refused to leave Jo’s when asked to do so.

While we were hoping that a DPS crime report would help inform us about what went down, our parent publication has picked up the slack; see this web update by The Herald for more information.

Curious about the photo?

Though we’ve taken a break since our last “informational” report on the crime scene at Brown, crime has kept on coming in vast waves… kind of like hurricane Superstorm Sandy (Cohen). Time to catch up, Brunonians!

12 December ’11, 8:09 a.m.:  This Shit is Bananas… literally

This is a personal favorite of ours—the assistant director of the Creative Arts Center said that persons unknown entered the building and a stole a banana-shaped pillow that was part of Brown student’s art project. She sent out an e-mail to the building staff asking if anyone had seen said pillow, but no one was able to provide any information. We have concluded that this must be a crime of vengeance from the Fruit of the Loom gang. If not, we simply don’t understand the rationale behind this.

[Read more →]

“Why did I move here? I guess it was the weather.”

Check out this just-released spot for Grand Theft Auto V, which looks to be the most cinematic of the games yet. The story appears to ditch GTA IV protagonist Niko Bellic and Liberty City for a return to Los Santos, the franchise’s answer to L.A., last featured in San Andreas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rItY_3eO37Q

A release date has yet to be announced, but here’s to hoping it coincides with summer break (or reading period…)!

There was too much crazy to be contained in one post.

8 Nov ’09, 9:49 p.m.:  Two female Brown students stated they were on the basement level of the Rockefeller Library studying in a work station when they noticed a middle-aged male talking on a cell phone. When one of the females took a closer look, she realized the male had his penis exposed and was looking directly at her. The subject fled on foot. Officers searched the area with negative results. … Rock masturbator, John Street masturbator.  Clearly, masturbators love hipsters.

18 Sept ’09, 2:26 p.m.:  Complainant reported that half of her ice-cream birthday cake was stolen from a refrigerator in a common area in Sidney Frank Hall. The incident occurred sometime between 3 p.m. on Sept. 17 and 2 p.m. on Sept. 18. She also reported that other food items were also stolen from the refrigerator in that area in the past couple of days and months prior, that belong to other students that work in the labs on that floor. The common area room does not have a lock on that door and access can be gained by anyone. … What was I supposed to do when I saw half of a birthday cake in a fridge?! [Read more →]

Sunday night, we got a crime alert e-mail about a robbery on campus. Crime can be scary, but sometimes it’s funny! Here are some amusing crime reports gathered from old BDH crime logs.

22 Oct ’10, 1:11 p.m.:  A custodian stated he witnessed a Brown student attempting to break into the washing machine in the Perkins Hall laundry room with a butter knife. The student admitted to the officer that she was attempting to break into the washer with a butter knife to take quarters to do her wash. A check of the coin box was made and no damage was observed. The case has been turned over to the Office of Student Life. … Maybe if she didn’t live so far away from everything, she wouldn’t have had to resort to such drastic measures.

27 Sept ’09, 2:16 p.m.: A resident counselor in Bronson House reported that at 10 a.m. she noticed graffiti depicting images of male genitalia and some words drawn in black permanent marker on a door of a room. She stated that she waited until 2 p.m. to speak with one of the residents of the room to find out if there was any reasoning behind the markings and found there was not. Neither roommate wished to file a complaint. Facilities Management was notified of the graffiti. There are no suspects at this time. … No reasoning behind art?  How pedestrian.   [Read more →]

Here’s a useful tip: if you’re wanted for assault, don’t show up for sketchy invite-only movie auditions.  According to a ProJo news alert published today, state police captured 16 wanted criminals in a sting operation at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center after sending out letters to them informing them that they had been specially chosen to audition for a role in a movie.  No, seriously.  That’s what happened:

Capt. James Demers said police sent out around 1,000 letters, telling the recipients that they had been selected on the basis of age and other factors.

Only about 16 showed up, however.

Demers said most were wanted on charges of assault.  Those arrested were held in a makeshift courtroom at the center, and were to be arraigned Wednesday afternoon.