(Weird) crime@Brown, part 3: Larceny edition

Curious about the photo?

Though we’ve taken a break since our last “informational” report on the crime scene at Brown, crime has kept on coming in vast waves… kind of like hurricane Superstorm Sandy (Cohen). Time to catch up, Brunonians!

12 December ’11, 8:09 a.m.:  This Shit is Bananas… literally

This is a personal favorite of ours—the assistant director of the Creative Arts Center said that persons unknown entered the building and a stole a banana-shaped pillow that was part of Brown student’s art project. She sent out an e-mail to the building staff asking if anyone had seen said pillow, but no one was able to provide any information. We have concluded that this must be a crime of vengeance from the Fruit of the Loom gang. If not, we simply don’t understand the rationale behind this.

Continue Reading


(Weird) crime@Brown, part 2

There was too much crazy to be contained in one post.

8 Nov ’09, 9:49 p.m.:  Two female Brown students stated they were on the basement level of the Rockefeller Library studying in a work station when they noticed a middle-aged male talking on a cell phone. When one of the females took a closer look, she realized the male had his penis exposed and was looking directly at her. The subject fled on foot. Officers searched the area with negative results. … Rock masturbator, John Street masturbator.  Clearly, masturbators love hipsters.

18 Sept ’09, 2:26 p.m.:  Complainant reported that half of her ice-cream birthday cake was stolen from a refrigerator in a common area in Sidney Frank Hall. The incident occurred sometime between 3 p.m. on Sept. 17 and 2 p.m. on Sept. 18. She also reported that other food items were also stolen from the refrigerator in that area in the past couple of days and months prior, that belong to other students that work in the labs on that floor. The common area room does not have a lock on that door and access can be gained by anyone. … What was I supposed to do when I saw half of a birthday cake in a fridge?! Continue Reading


(Weird) crime@Brown, part 1

Sunday night, we got a crime alert e-mail about a robbery on campus. Crime can be scary, but sometimes it’s funny! Here are some amusing crime reports gathered from old BDH crime logs.

22 Oct ’10, 1:11 p.m.:  A custodian stated he witnessed a Brown student attempting to break into the washing machine in the Perkins Hall laundry room with a butter knife. The student admitted to the officer that she was attempting to break into the washer with a butter knife to take quarters to do her wash. A check of the coin box was made and no damage was observed. The case has been turned over to the Office of Student Life. … Maybe if she didn’t live so far away from everything, she wouldn’t have had to resort to such drastic measures.

27 Sept ’09, 2:16 p.m.: A resident counselor in Bronson House reported that at 10 a.m. she noticed graffiti depicting images of male genitalia and some words drawn in black permanent marker on a door of a room. She stated that she waited until 2 p.m. to speak with one of the residents of the room to find out if there was any reasoning behind the markings and found there was not. Neither roommate wished to file a complaint. Facilities Management was notified of the graffiti. There are no suspects at this time. … No reasoning behind art?  How pedestrian.   Continue Reading