5 scary things to think about this Halloween

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Halloween is rapidly approaching, which means the season of scary has arrived. The holiday features frights such as ghouls, clowns, bats, feeding copious amounts of candy to pre-diabetic children, and the fact that sexy Olaf costumes are a thing. To add to that list of horrors, try thinking about these 5 alternative scary things this Halloween:

1. The national debt

The national deficit is the money the government takes in minus the money the government spends, and the national debt is the total amount borrowed to fund that deficit. The current national debt totals in around $17,904,969,580,881.62. That’s more than $17 trillion, folks, increasing by $75 million every hour. Bored in class? Watch the debt go up in real time here. Fun! Eerie!

2. The capriciousness of life

Everything that happens in life is random. There are no constants. Despite any attempt to find patterns or systems of causation, there is no way to predict or explain why things happen to us. Nothing happens for a reason. Success is not guaranteed, and every step forward is just the result of a lucky draw from a rigged lottery. Consider how everything you do doesn’t really matter as you wait in line for for the Midnight Organ Concert. Hair-raising!

3. Your own insignificance

You are very insignificant, in the big scheme of things. You are just one of over 7 billion people in the world, part of a single iteration of the human population. It has been only 200,000 years since anatomically modern humans first appeared. The first life forms appeared on earth between 3.8 and 3.5 billion years ago. The earth itself was formed around 4.54 billion years ago. The span of modern civilization is a millisecond in comparison to the history of this planet. You take up a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of that millisecond. You are an indiscernible smudge on the surface of our planet, just a minuscule sphere composed of crust and mantle, in our solar system, in a galaxy, in the ever-expanding, timeless vastness of the universe… Think about that as you wolf down excessive amounts of candy this Halloween. Creepy!

4. Your own mortality

This Halloween, try to get a grasp on your own mortality. You may think you are young and invincible, but every day is just one step on the slow march toward death. Death is life’s principle constant. Just as everybody poops, everybody dies, though death cannot be better regulated with Activia or a high-fiber diet. Death is everywhere. As you go out next weekend, take a look at all the things dying around you — leaves, insects, and also, yourself. Chilling!

5. Blue Room muffins are 400 to 600 calories each.

I know. *cries* Spooky!

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