As college students, a seemingly-absurd-to-anyone-over-the-age-of-30 amount of our time is spent online. No one really has homework yet so procrastination hasn’t fully kicked into high gear, but come finals, the interwebs can be a savior during long SciLi nights.
That said, the internet can also be used to enhance and supplement your life here at school. So we figured we would teach you the tricks for pwning your online, and in turn actual, life at Brown. Your first step was making your way to BlogDailyHerald, so kudos! Here are the next ten:
1. Brown_EZ and Brown_Secure. We’re not going to walk you through the byzantine steps of logging onto Brown-Secure. It’s like high school: we did it once, and we’re not sure how, but luckily we’ll never have to again. (Too soon, Class of 2015?) Once you successfully connect to Brown-Secure, you might think you will never require Brown_EZ again. HOW WRONG YOU ARE.
Hi. Heather HotPants here. Pleased to meet you, sexy.
I’ve been at Brown for three wonderful years. Great campus, great friends, great professors. Can’t complain about much. But I will say one thing – I think we’re doing it wrong. Sex, that is. Or, at least, the way we talk about sex. And dating. It’s all wrong. You’re hearing about the construction of gender norms. Or you’re reading snarky analysis of sexist trends in advertising. But when I talk to my friends, they’re talking about something different. They want to know the real practical stuff about sex. Like…How can I hit on that girl in my class without being creepy? How can I bring up wearing a condom without insulting anyone? How long should I wait to text after sleeping with someone?
I wanted to reach out to the Brown community and try to answer some of those questions so that you won’t have to learn them the hard way.
For my first column, I thought I’d start with the basics. So here we go. Four rules about sex at Brown.
1. Most people don’t know what they’re doing. No, sir, my clitoris is not located there. Or, just because your ex enjoyed hard-pounding sex does not mean that I appreciate the Road Runner style, too. Many girls feel that they don’t know what they’re doing either and they’re nervous about it. Why did he fall asleep while I was giving him head? I just don’t get it. How do I move my hips when I’m on top? The answer to all of this, young grasshopper, is that great piece of ancient Eastern wisdom: practice makes perfect. Continue Reading
The Orientation Welcoming Committee’s mammoth newsletter for new students has finally been released on the interwebs. If you’re a first year, you can expect to get one of these little suckers along with your Brown ID, the key to your room, and various other goodies when you first arrive on campus. With its exhaustive list of 100+ orientation events, the orientation packet might seem somewhat unwieldy, but fear not. We’re here to weed out the fun and informative from the boring and unnecessarily.
A small minority of the events in the packet have been listed as “REQUIRED for all students.” Most of them are not listed as such, but we believe that some of the events have been miscategorized. Here are our corrections:
Optional events that should not be missed:
Midnight organ concert (12 am, September 5): Orientation can be hugely tiring. You’ll find yourself having the same conversation (“Where are you from? What are you concentrating in? Are you excited for classes to start?”) at least fifty times during the first forty-eight hours. By the end of the second day, you might need a rest from the seemingly endless train of clumsy conversation. The midnight organ concert is a perfect opportunity to both relax and continue to bond with other first years without the constant pressure that comes with the more meet-and-greet type events. Besides, even if you’re not exhausted, you won’t want to miss hearing Brown’s kickass resident organist. Continue Reading