New year, new photo! “Cool for the Semester” definitely had to go now that the semester is over and it’s cold(ish) outside.
I am so psyched to be back. Break was long. If we are going to be honest, it got really boring. And what do people do when they’re bored and single and college-aged? Hit up their exes. These run-ins can be excruciatingly uncomfortable, super fun, or even just plain forgettable. Most ex stories I’ve heard from this break fall into the following categories that I’ve recorded for your procrastinating pleasure.
The Super Nostalgic One: Often found at those not-so-fun parties back home that you feel obligated to attend so as not to seem like a Netflix-hermit, the Super Nostalgic Ex just wants to reminisce. You two haven’t hooked up since the 10th grade and haven’t spoken since the 11th, but the Super Nostalgic (and Pretty Damn Drunk) Ex is determined to tell you that “you’re the one who got away.” They insist, in fact. It’s flattering, but you’re just sitting there trying to remember if you even really “dated” this like they say you did.
This is how the Super Nostalgic Ex feels the next day when they wake up, sober, and remembers what they said to you.
Let’s all face facts: Winter break is long. Ridiculously long. You’re going to find yourself getting very bored and probably even very horny. With all that free time, winter break is a great time to get down with that ex you still talk to, that one person in high school you always had a thing for, or someone you never noticed before but who really glo’d up since the last time you saw them.
But how likely are you to get with your back-home bae (whoever that may be) this break?
Note: One of the bloggers took this quiz, got a 100%, and has already hooked up with the guy she had in mind while taking it. Does that mean that this quiz is science? Yes.
What do your results mean?
procrastination finals season. With all of the work we have to do, we welcome and embrace any possible distraction. An article about the Champions League (lol sports) or one about the importance of stretching is suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world when you don’t want to do your work.Right freaking now seems like the optimal moment to reorganize your Spotify playlists, doesn’t it? Or in my case, now is the time to write this post and ignore my 10-page paper due on Friday.
But, if you’re like me and you like to pretend everything is secretly about sex, perhaps you’re wondering what your procrastination technique reveals about your sexuality. Allow me to interpret:
- If you procrastinate by doing other, less urgent, work: You cyborg! How are you productive even while you’re procrastinating? I would be scared/too intimidated to hook up with you. You’re just so… efficient. I would recommend relaxing in all aspects of your life, from your schoolwork to what you do in the bedroom. Not everything has to be so serious!
hours days weeks months a whole semester of sexual tension, you hooked up with that person you’ve been eyeing the most. You dreamed about it so often that you were sure it was going to be fantastic. But it wasn’t. What can you do now?
Disclaimer: I’m writing this post with the assumption that your bad hook-up was consensual. If it wasn’t, please contact CAPS, the WPCs, the 24/7 sexual assault response hotline at 401-863-6000, close friends, family, or any of the other resources you have in your life.
Option #1: Just don’t get with them ever again.
If it was so bad that you’re sure you don’t want to hook-up with them ever again (for whatever reason or for no articulable reason at all—you don’t have to justify your sexual decisions to anyone!), then you’re sure and I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise. You do what’s best for you, boo.
Option #2: Consider the circumstances.
- Did you not voice what you really want? Lots of people are too shy in the bedroom to speak their minds but honestly how good can anyone expect sex to be if their partner doesn’t know what they want or like? Spell it out! Hit them with an “Actually, my favorite position is ______” or a “Touch ____” and there is almost no conceivable way the sex between you two won’t get better.
Disclaimer: I am a cis (almost entirely) straight female. Because I write from my own perspective, this article will be fairly heteronormative, meaning it is about straight cis males and not reciprocating oral sex with straight cis females. And I’m sorry about that, but I cannot write about things I have not (yet) experienced. But if you are hooking up with someone of the same sex and your partner isn’t returning the favor, that should just be grounds for flat-out termination. Don’t put up with that blatant unfairness under any circumstances!
Ladies, I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of getting bad head and/or giving it and not getting it in return. Our sexist society tacitly accepts men not reciprocating oral sex. When talking with my friends about the topic, we estimated that only 25% of the guys we have given head to have returned the favor. Sure, we may not have explicitly asked for reciprocation of oral in high school (that’s about to change), but there is still no excuse for such a low percentage.
I’d like to hope that the guys who don’t reciprocate oral sex are just not confident enough in their abilities as cunnilinguists to do so. However, sometimes it’s really for just plain dickish reasons. My best friend’s ex once said to her (and I’m quoting here): “Nah, I don’t eat girls out. It’s probably gross down there, I don’t want to put my mouth where another dick has been, and I got too much pride.” It’s safe to say I kindly encouraged her to dump him. If your partner isn’t reciprocating, ask him about it. If he says something along those horribly insulting lines, storm out of the room and end. that. shit. You are amazing and so is your vagina!
If your vagina were a human, it’d be Beyonce.
Do you feel it? That change in the air. That
sickening curious smell of… romantic bliss?
Yes, Brunonia. The beginning of November means that cuffing season is upon us. For those of you lucky enough to come from a warm part of the country, where cuffin’ season just isn’t really a thing, or for those of you who simply missed the term, cuffing season is:
An annual phenomenon in which people decide to hook up exclusively (i.e. get “cuffed” or tied down) just as it is starting to get cold out.