Animals protest Super Heavy Petting

Heavy Petting is great. Most of us love petting dogs, and the dogs are usually happy to have their stomachs rubbed and their heads scratched. The dogs are also free to move away from the people petting them. Last week’s Super Heavy Petting brought Heaving Petting to the next level by bringing in baby farm animals. The event was a hit among students. The animals seemed less enthused. We can only imagine what these animals thought of the experience, but I know you all have great imaginations, so let’s give it a shot.

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“Look how cute it is!” they all say, “Isn’t she adorable?” Get over yourselves. I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but is stuffing me into a straitjacket really going to help? Go pet a dog. I hear they totally get off on this stuff.”

—Muffin, the rabbit

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ADUCK: Visiting students of a different kind

ducks

Ducks. They’re so hot right now. Ducks.

It seems that not only humans want to go to Brown. Over the past few days, the Main Green has become the playground for two friendly ducks, and the SciLi the nest for another. Yeah, that large vase/pot in the Scili Desert surrounded by yellow police tape isn’t a crime scene or an MCM thesis. This vase allegedly has become the plush, feathery nest of a mother duck caring for her eggs. You heard right, friends. Soon, we will welcome a batch of ducklings to our school!!! (I wonder what they got on their SATs…)

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