What’s creepy, smelly, and coming to Providence this weekend?

Circus600

It’s not your Uncle Ned.

It’s “The Greatest Show On Earth.” Yes, Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey’s Circus is coming to the Dunkin’ Donuts Center this weekend. Of all places it could possibly go on Earth, why would the circus come to Providence? We literally have no idea. But whatever the reason, you should take advantage of this most bizarre opportunity, especially since it falls during reading period.

“But BlogDH!” you say. “If I’m going to procrastinate this weekend, I might as well do it by doing something normal, like running on Blackstone. Plus, I’ve exceeded my weekly quota of clown sightings!” To which I say shame on you. Of the several things we promise ourselves we’ll do during reading period—go to Newport! go to the mall! have BRRRUNCH!—this one blows all of them out of the water. The Breakers will be here during Senior Week, but THE LEGENDARY RINGLING BROS. BARNUM & BAILEY CIRCUS WON’T.

There are elephants…giving each other massages. People riding motorcycles in weird spherical balls. People who contort in weird ways. It’s just about the weirdest thing to come to this city after the Dalai Lama’s profanity. Procrastinating by going to see flying people and a clown who looks like the guy who got a hemorrhage at the party at Billy Madison’s house after he passed the first grade is totally justifiable. Your professors will completely understand.

I mean, are you kidding? You’re actually not considering to go see this? Whatever. We’ll see you there. Bye.

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No baby elephants, says Roger Williams Park Zoo

Kenya Tourist Board

The African elephants over at Roger Williams Park Zoo are probably feeling a little embarrassed after the zoo announced to the world that they’re too old to have children. According to a zoo press release, five different “artificial insemination procedures” in past years failed, and at 25 years old, the three females are considered risky candidates for a first time pregnancy.

To all those who may have hoped to celebrate the circle of life, our sympathies. The same to the three potential mothers who will never experience the joy of that giant anteater mother from March.