Things that rhyme: Brown edition

2014 was an exciting time for anyone who had a penchant for clever wordplay, and too much time on their hands. Jews of Brown, Shoes of Brown. Brown Hook-ups, Brown Cookups. Baes of Brown, and then Neighs of Brown. (That one may have been a bit of a stretch.) Have you picked up on the trend? Things that rhyme are hilarious! Comedy, like, in one sentence!!

UnFortunately, it’s a new year, and it’s time to move on to fresh, surely less creative trolls. Some of these Facebook pages have already buckled under the pressure of maintenance, but we wanted to personally nip this in the bud.

From the people that arguably have the most verbal flair, and certainly have the most time to waste, here is an exhaustive list of things that rhyme with Brown Facebook pages.

Jews/Shoes of Brown

Blues of Brown – A page advertising various blues bands and/or Blue Man group wannabes.

Coups of Brown – A platform for those seeking tips in staging a hostile takeover, or who want to discuss their previous results at attempting to overthrow their superiors.

News of Brown – Potential rebranding for the Brown Daily Herald?

Ewes and Gnus of Brown – celebrating the wildlife of Providence.


Brown Confessions

Brown Obsessions: An online community dedicated to celebrating Beyonce, the word “heteronormative,” and free condoms.

Brown Transgressions: Basically, the same exact thing as the Confessions page.

Brown Impressions: For people who appreciate the soul/R&B group from 1960s. No relation to the ability to impersonate another person’s voice.

Baes/Neighs of Brown Continue Reading

Thoughts you have while working in the Rock computer lab

7:30 p.m. Such a good level of silence here! I can eat chips without dirty looks (unlike some places) but also no loud talking.


7:35 p.m. Desktop computers are so beautiful. Look at this screen! I’ve pulled up my assignment sheet, a clean word document to type my essay in, and there is even extra space for quick internet time. These computers are  just so fancy and cool. Remember that interview with that writer I read where he/she was like, oh, I can only write my novels on my desktop? If I had my own personal desktop I could write a novel, too. But right now I’m going to do this essay.

7:45 p.m. White spaces are so intimidating.


8:02 p.m. [After spinning in chair a bit.] Why a painting of peppers, though?

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Facebook Profile Picture Roundup





You caught me; I am 100% guilty of obsessing about my Facebook profile picture to a point that it might be unhealthy. I had my last prof pic for a little over a year because I couldn’t find something to top it, but then I did, and now I’m happy. Leave me be, I’m a millennial, just living my truth!

While contemplating new options, I compiled some of the most popular profile picture options to date:


You on the Main Green, Faunce gleaming behind you. You next to/climbing Bruno. You in front of the Van Wickle Gates. You at Spring Weekend. You with a University administrator (I miss you, Ruth). You want to show the world how much you love your school, and with good reason. Brown’s a pretty awesome place and is pretty damn photogenic (especially in the fall).

2. #ibeendranking

Definitely blurry and definitely dark. Lights streak across your picture. It’s all a little pixelated. There are way too many people in the photo. Your tongue is sticking out, and you’re standing with a red solo cup in hand.  You’re in a basement of sorts, and there are dark rings of sweat on your clothing. Oh, so sexy.

This is college, right? Can’t stop, won’t stop.

3. Studying Abroad

What beautiful sites there are outside of Brown! You can’t wait to show off your new life as a worldly traveler at Oktoberfest, on a Scottish hillside, or right out side of Big Ben. What?! You’re learning to make real pasta in Florence, Italy?! Definitely profile picture material.

4. #tbt

Either you were adorably cute or adorably ugly as a child. No matter what, it’s endearing to see a younger version of yourself or to breathe a sigh of relief that time did you well. These are even better if you can find old Polaroids. Oh, to be so lucky and hip!

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Brown’s novelty Facebook pages, ranked

Social networking LIKE The care-free haze of September is winding down and workloads are increasing; in other words, it’s time to procrastinate. Brimming with gossip, news, funny articles, and Buzzfeed quizzes, Facebook is obviously your best friend in the distraction department. Unfortunately, it’s easy to fall into the trap of liking pages—especially some of Brown’s many novelty accounts—that seem interesting at first, but eventually prove to be rather annoying. Some are underwhelming, others are outdated, and soon enough you’re left with a cluttered mess on your newsfeed.

Because of this, the art of pruning is integral to keeping a happy and healthy newsfeed. So, in order to help optimize your Brown-related Facebook content, I have rated and ranked five of Brown’s most popular novelty pages:

1. Brown University Confessions. My personal favorite, Brown University Confessions posts anonymous confessions by Brown students. Perhaps the greatest characteristic of the page is its wide range of tones; posts can be serious, vehementcandid, or just plain weird. The page is updated frequently on weekdays and almost all of its posts are highly relatable and/or funny. Confessions is Brown’s most liked novelty page, and with good reason — it’s extremely entertaining and great for your newsfeed. 9.5/10

2. Brown University Snaps. Brown University Snaps posts about 1-2 screenshots of students’ Snapchats each day. The page is light-hearted; while it lacks Confessions’s occasional serious post, it never fails to be engaging and entertaining. Not too invasive and almost always good for a quick laugh, Brown University Snaps is a solid page that’s definitely worth liking. 9/10

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Facebook becomes even more awkward with new “Ask” feature


As of now, “Senior Scrambling” is not a relationship option.

In the prehistoric era of Facebook (circa 2010), many of us learned that we were better off keeping our relationship statuses private. We avoided lots of inadvertently-public break ups that marked the dark ages of early high school, and we also stopped getting ourselves into misleading “civil unions” with our BFFs. One negative aspect of this movement towards internet privacy: obviously, you can no longer tell if your prospects are single or taken. Sure, you could hardcore stalk their pictures and speculate whether the person they were cuddling with on Spring Weekend is in fact their lover, but you can’t be positive. Maybe, for just a second, you have wished that everyone’s relationship status was public again, like the “good old days” or like a traffic light party in the basement of Caswell. Hopefully, you then came to your senses and realized that someone else’s love life is none of your f***ing business.

Facebook, getting its main form of sustenance from things that should be private, has launched a new button next to any hidden personal information called “ask.” The ask button sends a notification to the person you are stalking curious about, notifying them that you have requested to see the answer to this unknown detail. You can send a message along with the request, like: “Hey, I know we haven’t spoken since high school, but I wanted to know where you live.” Because that is not creepy at all.



When this person of interest receives this notification, they can choose to update this information, either publicly, or by default – only to you. The default option creates a really weird life event in their timeline that only you can see/comment on. The subject of inquiry also has the option to not update their info, and just send a message back, like: “Go to hell you nosy biotch.” Below is a screenshot of the private life event that came to be when I totally platonically asked my fellow staff writer about her relationship status: Continue Reading

12 Days of Spring Weekend: FIND YOUR FRIENDS!


We know you can’t get enough of Spring Weekend. The shift back to reality is always tough, but fear not – Blog is here to help. Want to try to piece together relive the last three days? Check out our Spring Weekend 2014 Facebook album here, and find your friends! Tag, laugh, cry, and reminisce on the weekend together.