Every year, sometime in mid-April, nearly 3,000 students log on with nervous excitement and sign off in shock and horror. The Brown Admitted Student Facebook group is a right of passage for prospective College Hill-dwellers, a frightening but ultimately misleading first glimpse at your classmates. These groups are, for the first few months, home to excruciating showmanship, awkward smalltalk, and strange requests. For posterity and humor’s sake, Accepted! 2017 has collected some of the funniest and most cringe-worthy posts from admitted students groups across the country. Check out the submissions culled from Brown’s Class of 2017 group. Some of these might look familiar…
Many of you have heard about Facebook’s new Graph Search function. Some of you might even be part of the select few who are getting to Beta-test the thing. Now, we could debate for hours whether or not Graph Search is preposterously creepy or actually useful, but I think most of us have already realized its comic potential. So has this Tumblr called “Actual Facebook Graph Searches.” Most searches are just combinations of diametrically opposed traits, such as “Mothers of Jews who like bacon” and “People who like Focus on the Family and Neil Patrick Harris,” but I guess some people might find the search for “Single Women who live nearby and who are interested in men and like Getting Drunk!” pretty useful. You might have to start purging your Facebook likes like you purge your friends.
Try to think back to your middle school years. Among the several airbrushed sweatshirts, Black Eyed Peas hits, and rounds on rounds of Icy Tower, there was was the all-knowing and infallible Love Calculator that would help you determine the likelihood that you and your crush (<3) would end up ~together 4ever.~ You’d type in your name and that of your “dream partner” and the website would hurl a random percentage right back at your face; yet you were unsatisfied that despite your
3 8 17 entries that day, your crush would never be informed of your feelings for him/her.
Fast-forward to 2013: Facebook is probably the center of your (online) universe, and your cupid-like peers have drastically changed the love game. Enter “Brown Admirers,” a Facebook page through which you can submit a light-hearted message to a crush or individual you’ve been admiring from afar in the form of a Google Doc. The page’s administrators then post your submission on its timeline and tag the person to whom the message was directed. You can submit the message anonymously or with your name, or you can even include little clues to help them determine who the sender is. In other words, your crush will definitely get the message but the extent to which you reveal yourself to him/her is completely in your hands. Continue Reading
Candidates, representatives, proposition oh my! Last night was full of stress and tension, but one issue loomed in all Brunonians’ minds: “What’s my witty election status going to be?”
It was around 1 p.m. on Tuesday when the news sunk in. I had just peacefully awoken to a room awash with cool sunlight. Class was cancelled, the libraries were closed, and the cafeterias were open; it was undoubtedly a simpler time. Without a trace of the urgency that characterizes a typical day at Brown, I eventually drifted over to my computer to see what had transpired during my indulgent sleep. What I found was truly shocking. My newsfeed was alight with stunned reports and fervent commentary. Many had foreseen a simplified version of what had transpired, but no one could have predicted the extent of the consequences. Some of the more impassioned outbursts:
So you’re about a month into the semester, getting settled and into the swing of things, and home couldn’t be further away. Or could it? As soon as we log onto Facebook, we are flooded by status updates, muploads, and selfies galore, posted by people we really don’t care all that much about. Who decided that we should care about what everyone’s doing every second of the day? How is that we find ourselves on picture 230 of a (very) distant cousin’s vacation album?
Before I arrived at Brown for the semester, I came to a scary realization: I had over 1,000 Facebook friends. I’m really not sharing this to brag—no one actually has 1,000 friends in real life. I certainly don’t. So I tried the Facebook Cleanse. Like a juice cleanse, the idea is to get rid of all of the unnecessary details on your news feed by defriending the people you no longer really care about. Benefits and drawbacks of the Cleanse after the jump.
Old People Writing On a Restaurant’s Facebook Page. It’s pretty self-explanatory: the same 60- and 70-somethings who list “contract bridge” and “love watching sports GO CELTICS AND PATRIOTS” as their interests on their profiles take to the Facebook pages of restaurants and franchises to share their various questions, thoughts, appreciations, and grievances about poor food, poor service, and bizarre ad campaigns.
As for the conclusions that can be drawn from this tumblr: old people do not know how to use Facebook (see @oldmansearch); old people should not be on Facebook to begin with.
It’s reading period. We’re supposed to be studying. So why I am watching episode after episode of Secret Life of the American Teenager? I don’t even like this show! I can literally feel my brain cells dying.
Procrastination: We all do it. It’s a blessing and a curse. So how do we combat it during finals? Here are some tips and tricks:
1. Deactivate your Facebook. I used to get a friend to change my password so I couldn’t use it. On the first day of summer, I relogged onto Facebook only to find my profile picture changed to this: Continue Reading
Facebook: the final frontier. A place where politicians and mustached Greenpoint loft-dwellers alike can join in social networking bliss while some kid who didn’t even graduate from Harvard makes billions off of their personal information. That’s right. Facebook isn’t reminding you to watch the new Kelsey Grammer series Boss because it loves you, it’s advertising it to you because your favorite television shows are Cheers, Fraiser and, for better or worse, the one and only season of Grammer’s failed post-Fraiser sitcom Back to You.
If you haven’t already noticed, here at BlogDailyHerald we like to overanalyze things. So when we found out that Katherine Bergeron (aka KBerg) had an actual Facebook page, we just had to take Berg Watching to a whole ‘nother level. What we found will probably not amaze you, but you can find our close reading of KBerg’s Facebook page after the jump.
We know you know. Ruth is stepping down. Reactions have been mixed: some cried, some nodded their heads respectfully, some went into hysterics (I am guilty of this one). What brought us all together, however, was not the community announcement listserv. It was the need to express our emotions, vent our frustrations and share the joy of having had the opportunity to see Ruth at the Blue Room… through the Internet.
The mass of Facebook status updates which resulted from the news of Ruth’s impending resignation began at circa 10:50 a.m., just minutes after the email from Ruth was sent out to all Brunonians. Here are some of our favorite updates:
First, the shock. And the rhetorical questions.
Then, the panic. Continue Reading