FlogDailyHerald: VDub fruit

I don’t think it’s controversial to say that the VDub is a better dining hall than the Ratty. While the lack of weekend hours can be a real bummer, most of the fare is of consistently higher quality than Ratty analogues. The bagels, for example, are massively superior at the VDub. I need not even mention the glory of Chicken Finger Friday, which consistently draws an enormous crowd. Unfortunately, all is not beautiful and pure there; something sticks out of the the rest of the scrumptious offerings, impinging upon the senses with its low quality. I speak, of course, of the fruit.

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Lucifer’s going to have a hell of a job getting me to eat this one.

Green, brown, the occasional odd shade of orange. Most of the fruit at the VDub is stunted, sour, and inexplicably substandard. Where the fruit at the Ratty is usually high quality, the counterparts at the VDub at like some sort of twisted reflection of what fruit should be. Of all the fruit that gets put out, only the oranges and, on occasion, the bananas have been satisfactory on any consistent basis. I recall one halcyon day when there were actually good apples, visions of beauty that shall not come again.

Is this simply a matter of balance in the world? Must the rest of the VDub’s greatness come at this terrible price? No, I can’t accept this. I know it can do better. Is this like a sibling situation, where the VDub gets the hand-me-downs that the Ratty won’t use? Surely some of the Ratty’s golden apples could be spared for our favorite Pembroke dining hall.

Disappointing fruit is a terrible thing. Crisp, fresh fruit can be the factor that makes a breakfast worthwhile. I don’t see any reason why the VDub ought to languish in mediocrity. Whatever harvest deity watches over Pembroke needs to get of their lazy ass and do something about this.

Image via Steve Dowd ’15


FlogDailyHerald: Pumpkins are just fucking squashes

We are deep inside the warm, tender belly of autumn, the season in which everything tastes like pumpkin. Likely noticing the success and marketability and of Starbuck’s Pumpkin Spice Lattes, every company seems to be jumping onto this food fad, spewing out mutant variation after variation. Let’s examine some of these questionable food relatives, none of which have any business being pumpkin flavored:

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Pumpkin Pie Pringles — Offensive. Pringles cannot possibly believe anyone would actually like eating these.

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Pumpkin pie vodka — #turnip

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FlogDailyHerald: Throw away your trash, you inconsiderate walnut

Offensive.

Offensive.

Things you may find at Commons [Ed. Wait, is Commons a thing?!], Jo’s, or a similar late-night eating establishment at 1 a.m.: drunk people, lost umbrellas and water bottles, late-night studiers or socializers, and trash — an endless sea of garbage. Trash is oozing out of the garbage cans, accumulating on the tables, staining the carpet, the chairs, and our consciousness. There is nowhere to hide! Grab your hazmat suit and galoshes! AHH!

Okay, perhaps that is an exaggeration, but trash does seem to be a major problem here on campus. Haphazard piles of trash lay abandoned on tables along with half-finished drinks, wrappers, and used napkins. This doesn’t just happen at Commons or Jo’s late at night, trash seems to be left everywhere — cups in the hallways, chip bags in the bushes, and even an aggressively yellow condom in a dorm stairwell. (What a hiLARious prank!)

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Do I have to explain to you why you should pick up after yourself? I probably shouldn’t have to, but here it goes. Let’s break this down.  As you walked away from the table, you looked back at your piles of trash and thought, “That’s not my problem.” And that’s not okay.

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You left an abstract masterpiece painted out of ketchup and mustard on the table and thought, “I should leave this for the world to see.” You spilled half a pizza on the floor, looked down, and thought, “Someone else will deal with it.” You suck.

“But…but,” you may be thinking, “I have an excuse!” Do tell. “The trash can was too far away, and it was already full.” Walk to another one, you rank lima bean. “But… but… it’s not my problem. We pay people to do that for me.” Well yes, lovely people from BUDS and facilities do work to keep Brown eateries hygienic and neat, but it should not have to be their job to wipe up the excess debris from your drunken or just inconsiderate escapades. “But… but… trash is gross.” So are you, you worthless grapefruit. Gross.

This file was appropriately titled "ugly-grapefruit."

You, a worthless grapefruit.

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