SNL’s Stefon’s guide to Thanksgiving!

There are plenty of things to be thankful for this holiday season. We can be thankful for points, teachers canceling class, Blue Room muffins, study rooms in the Rock, BlogDailyHerald (shameless self-promotion), seasonal facial hair, peppermint mochas, holiday cheer, home cooked meals, hockey players, and most importantly…STEFON’S RETURN TO BLOGDH. SNL’s Stefon (or me pretending to be Stefon) is back to give you a heads up about all the hottest parties and gatherings that you must attend over Thanksgiving break. Don’t call it a comeback, because Stefon never went anywhere. Cue the music, plug in the disco ball, turn off the lights, and embrace Stefon as he (me) drops some serious holiday knowledge.

The hottest spot this Thanksgiving is…your grandma’s house. This spot has everything: passive-aggressive comments about your lack of significant other, a woman asking “what is Brown again?”, your weird uncle asking if you are gay yet (I AM NOT GAY UNCLE RICKY), that random person who always shows up with an already half-empty bottle of wine, the smell of moth balls, your great-grandfather’s war rifle named “old lucky,” and water-drowned food so everyone at the table can chew it. It is a great time, especially if you are looking for a place to butcher saying grace in front of your religious grandma who doesn’t remember that you still can’t do it right: “Bless us…uh…like…O Lord…and for like these uh your dope gifts and whatever, which we are like gonna receive from your…bosom, I mean bounty, hahaha lol. Through you, Jesus guy, our Lord, amen dude.”

The hottest spot this Thanksgiving is…your local underage bar. What better way of setting the tone for a holiday about giving thanks than puking in the back of bar. You, your friends, and your fake ID’s that all say you are 28 and are from North Dakota must head down to grab a drink like adults do! This bar has everything: a pervy bouncer who makes every girl kiss him on the cheek, a kid who looks like Charlie Sturr, a bartender who hates his life, bar mitzvah music, your mom texting you “where are you?,” those kids from your high school who you HATE so much but with whom you pretend to be best friends, that one girl who takes a selfie with everyone, and the smell of Bud Light and sadness. Do not miss out!

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What to do this week: October 20 – 26

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Monday, October 20

Event: SPEC Presents: Brown’s Annual Fall Fest
Time: 8.00 – 10.00 p.m.
Location: Ruth Simmons Quad

The main thing you need to know: everything is free, a student’s favorite number. Free food (pie, cider, mac and cheese), free performances (yes, a cappella), and even a free tent.

Event: PW Presents: Song for a Future Generation
Time: 8.00 p.m.
Location: PW Downspace
Tonight is the last showing of Song for a Future Generation, directed by Grant Glovin ’16. Tickets are available an hour before the show at the PW box office. It’s a future-space-comedy good time.

Tuesday, October 21

Event: Consent Day Fair
Time: 4.00 – 6.00 p.m.
Location: Main Green

Who doesn’t love those ‘consexual sex is hot’ t-shirts? And they’re free. Make like California talk about how yes means oh, yes. Trivia, consent pledges and t-shirts galore.

Event: Heavy Petting
Time: 12.00 – 2.00 p.m.
Location: Wriston Quad

You know the drill. Cute animals, hugging, squeezing, Instagramming, and hopefully, hand sanitizing. (Am I the only one to have ever questioned the proximity to the Ratty?) But srsly, #cuteoverload!

Event: UCAAP Presents: Buddy Screening
Time: 8.30 – 10.00 p.m.
Location: Smitty-B 106

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Buddy Cianci, ex-con and ex-mayor, is running for mayor again! This 2008 documentary on the hero/anti-hero is a crowd fave. Go learn and be political, etc.

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FlogDailyHerald: Grocery Stores that aren’t Trader Joe’s

I am off meal plan, which means I go to grocery stores not for the novelty of avocados, but for the necessity of buying edible things to consume so I don’t disappear. There is only one grocery store that does not make this experience unbearable, and that is Trader Joe’s. But before I wax poetic on the glory that is Trader Joe’s, I have a few things to say to its walking distance competitors.

Really, Whole Foods? It’s gonna be like that? Whole Foods is the girl next door. In terms of proximity, it’s doing all the right things. I look at it and see things I know I want. Like chocolate covered espresso beans. I look over and see things I totally could see myself wanting. Like goji berries. I have never seen a goji berry in my daily life, which puts them on the same plain of existence as blue raspberries and unicorns.

My favorite totally real fruit

My favorite totally real fruit

But damn. Goji. What a fun name for a berry I want inside of me. Unfortunately, I cannot spend $12 on a bag of magic berries which, all told, contains two hundred calories. In my fight to stay alive, I cannot spend $120 on two-thousand calories.

Nuts! Those can sustain me. Just kidding. Almonds are also $12. I recently saw a paper bag from Whole Foods that said ‘collards are the new kale’. What does that even mean, Whole Foods?! Collard greens have been around forever. The Ratty has them on soul food night. That’s how not-new they are. Guess what, Whole Foods. I’m going to do three laps around your free sample circuit and call it a meal.

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Providence Coffee Shop Round-Up

Fall break is almost upon us. For those of us staying in Providence for the long weekend, this downtime is ideal for exploring new places in the area. While Blue State will always be near and dear to our hearts, it’s time to get off the Hill and see where else you can get a coffee buzz. See below for some of the best places in Providence to enjoy some down time and get your caffeine fix.

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White Electric Coffee

White Electric Coffee is a bagel-eating and coffee-drinking hipster’s haven. Located on Westminster street, White Electric’s menu includes a variety of breakfast and lunch items, including an impressive list of alternative bagel toppings that range from Laughing Cow cheese, to Tofutti cream cheese, to Nutella. The coffee is claimed to be “some of the best in Providence,” oh, and they make their own coffee stout.

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The BlogDH Pumpkin Spice Challenge: A breakdown of everything pumpkin on College Hill

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Though fall has only blessed us with its presence for a mere day or two, College Hill is a few steps ahead. Scratch that: College Hill is many baked goods ahead.  Sacrificing our bodies, our minds, and our time, we’ve done the dirty n’ delicious work for you and embarked on the great Pumpkin Spice Challenge. We wanted to prepare you for a season that once consisted of hayrides and haunted houses and that now is incessantly linked to #basic Instagram posts of people fake laughing, wearing sweaters, and clutching steaming mugs. If you want pumpkin (we want pumpkin), you got it. Here’s a breakdown of everything pumpkin on College Hill, complete with information about what it is, where to get it, and how worth it the $4.38 and the 59 Instagram likes truly are.

Food: Pumpkin pancakes
Where from:
Loui’s
How you feel?: When the waiter asked if I wanted granola, chocolate chips, or fruit in my pumpkin pancakes, I became immediately overwhelmed at the Instagram possibilities and responded “none” in haste, which I immediately regretted. Much to my surprise, however, the pancakes spoke for themselves. Melted butter was all they needed. The warm explosion of pumpkin flavor – which did not seem to be born out of real pumpkin – felt comforting and familiar. The smooth texture was exactly what a girl needed, and every bite got better and better. Numerous times, a swarm of bees tried to steal my pancakes, so I feel it’s appropriate to give them an 8.5 out of 10. They were literally the bee’s knees (lol).

Food: Pumpkin muffin
Where from:
Da Blue Room
How you feel?: Most of my friends didn’t even know the Blue Room had a pumpkin muffin. Well, here’s my response: if ya don’t know, now you know. And you should get one. Now.

I went to the Blue Room at 11:57 a.m. in the hopes of finding one of these elusive baked goods. The muffins present were neither warm nor pumpkin. I asked when the next batch would be ready, and they told me 15 minutes. I returned in 15 minutes, to find that I should return in an hour. Frazzled, I returned every 15 minutes another four times. When they were finally out of the oven, they told me they were “not allowed to give [me] a muffin until 1:20,” so I returned at 1:20, and FINALLY received my warm pumpkin muffin. Talk about persistence. Ta-da!

Let me tell you, it was about the best darn thing I’ve ever eaten. It was warm and fluffy, but not so moist that it was mushy. (That’s what she said, right? [Ed.--no.]) The portion size was perfect. I told myself I was only going to eat the top knowing I would eat the whole thing and still be totally fine and perfectly satisfied. In terms of its pumpkinness, it was perfect. It wasn’t trying to be a pumpkin cupcake. It had autumnal spice without being spicy, and a recognizable pumpkin savor without being too sweet. Thus, the Blue Room astounds with enough authenticity to make it easy, peasy: 10 out of 10.

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If the dining halls were rappers, who would they be?

Lucky for you all, I know the answer to the question that has been keeping you up at night. No, it’s not the pressing matter of “Do they like me back?” or, “Did I just fail my midterm?” or even, “Should I go out tomorrow night?” But rather, I can provide you with the long-sought answer to: “If the dining halls were rappers, who would they be?” See below, and thank me later.

Andrews Commons = Drake

“Started from the bottom, now we eating pho.”

Drake breaking it down, Andrews style

Andrews Commons is the hottest dining hall on the scene right now. It’s young, fresh, and multi-cultural. I have even heard that Andrews was on Degrassi for a while, but I’m not sure, that could just be a rumor. But in all seriousness, AC and Drake are so clearly twins (Can a person and a dining hall be twins? In this case, I’ll argue yes). Drake is everyone’s guilty pleasure, and Drake and AC can both provide happiness until the wee hours of the night. Whether you are feeling sad, hungry, happy, tired, defeated, or lonely, Drake is there for you. Slip in some headphones and bump some “Nothing Was the Same,” “Take Care,” or “Thank Me Later,” and all suddenly becomes better. Andrews provides the same source of solace; whether you are craving some nacho pizza, pho, ageless sushi, mystery calzones, or a beastly grinder, it has your back and never asks, “Are you sure you want all of that?” Finally - Drake hates breakfast, and Andrews Commons does not serve breakfast. He even raps about it -“Bank account statements just look like I’m ready for early retirement…I hate breakfast.” ‘Nuff said.

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