Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a woman with shockingly few marketable skills. I went to the career fair, but I didn’t get any jobs. Instead, I got an absurd array of freebies from various tech companies. I would tell you about it, but I’d rather show you . . .
A solid representation of cotton and tri-blend, the tees this year did not disappoint. Asana wins for softest material, while Andreessen Horowitz gets a nod for originality with their Henley. At this point, I am fully convinced that tech start-ups are the only reason that American Apparel is still in business.
It’s worth noting that Microsoft packaged their T-shirts like one of those expanding Disney-themed washcloths from our youth. Maybe this fabric was a Lion King hand towel in a past life?
Faux wooden glasses decimated the competition this year (the competition being a bunch of crummy, colorful, plastic sunglasses). The sock game was also strong, with rubber tracked hospital/SkyZone slippers, athletically minded socks from Trip Advisor, and FitBit bringing the fashion element. The meaning of business socks has just transcended its original derivation.
For the past two years, I’ve been infamous for stealing the giveaways from the career fairs. How can you steal something that’s free, you may ask? Well, the freebies are usually intended for students who are interested in working for these companies. I have notoriously shown zero interest in getting a job, and that is why the majority of employers at this fair hate me.
Alas, now I am nearing the end of my life–adulthood–and I need a summer internship. I had originally planned to attend this year’s career fair in all seriousness and instead of just documenting all the goodies I brought home, I would document all of the rejection I experienced. It did not go as planned. Well, the rejection part went as expected, but I still got a lot of free stuff.
My dear readers, I promise, I tried to change. I dressed business casual even though it was a fruitless gesture under my winter coat and scarf. I printed out FOUR resumes because I heard that’s something you’re supposed to do. Unfortunately, desperation works in strange ways. There were only so many times I could cheerfully ask tech companies if they were interested in a blogger with no applicable skills! Enough with my excuses. Without further ado, here is the haul for 2015:
IXL is one of those companies where a writer could initially think they are a good fit before realizing that the representatives at the fair were only recruiting website builders (much like the table for the New York Times). Shrouded in disappointment, I couldn’t say no to a compressible frisbee. Or dominoes. Speaking of, did you know there are rules for dominoes? I always thought the tiles were more of a décor statement.
So. Many. Flyers.
The Mid-Year Activities Fair does not get a lot of publicity. It makes sense, because joining a new extra curricular second semester is usually reserved for frosh and the upperclassmen who are having existential crises because they just broke up with their old extracurriculars and want to fill the void with new ones. For me, however, any gathering of trifold posters and free pens is a perfect excuse to snag goodies. I will confess that I had no intention of picking up any new hobbies. My goal (like always) was to steal shit that was already being given away, and get my mojo back.
This year’s fair was in Alumnae Hall, which was a bit awkward, because the last time I was in there was for SPG. Even more awkward, Aerial Arts was doing a demonstration on the stage… which they also did at SPG. Did someone mistake this for Throwback Thursday? Slightly disappointed by the lack of lingerie the students around me were wearing, I took the plunge into the equally sweaty and far less sexual mob. Let’s take a look at my haul:
Tech House: With a table covered in a Settler’s of Catan board and Nintendo 64 Cartridges, tech house had a very inviting setup. They had no freebies to give me, but I settled for the implied offer that I can come by and play drunk Pokemon later this semester.
That axe is an heirloom, not even kidding.
The beginning of the semester is the perfect time to add that new kick to your good ol’ dorm room. If you’ve been looking to take those cinderblock walls to the next level without spending a dime, we know just the place: Craigslist. You can find everything you ever wanted — and things you never knew you wanted until now — on the “free stuff” page of Rhode Island Craigslist. (Ed. Note that there is one Craigslist page for all of Lil Rhody. Cool.)
Scrolling through the postings is also prime entertainment while you’re bored in lecture—who knew we had such creative people in RI? To help you out, we’ve put together a selection of offers you might want to look into to spice up your dorm room, and your life:
1. Bored of your desk chair? Two words: Tire swing.
2. You need something warm and fuzzy in your dorm room, and this cat needs a home. Just hope it doesn’t piss… you off. (And don’t tell ResLife).
In the next two days, there will be two Halloween-themed events of interest to people who enjoy free things in Faunce. Tonight from 6-8:30 pm, the Campus Center will host the Great Pumpkin Hunt. The event will feature 100 small pumpkins hidden throughout Faunce, each marked with a number that corresponds to a prize. Among those will be a Great Pumpkin, whose finder will win a free iPad Mini.
Tomorrow from 12-2 pm, the Curricular Resource Center will host a Halloween party in room 228 (Faunce 2nd floor), with free apple cider and hot chocolate. The party will feature a raffle, open to anyone in costume, offering prizes that include advice dates with women on the CRC student staff. Stop by Faunce today and tomorrow to take part in the festivities.
The loot. (Recycling bin not included)
The Career Fair is the best day of the year. Why? Because a) the economy is in the shitter, and b) I’m a humanities person.
Therefore, if I’m going to spend the bulk of my twenties sleeping on my parents’ couch, I’m damned well going to take all of these companies’ free shit to play with in the meantime. All of the pictures in this post include only items I got for free at the 2o13 Career Fair. While everyone else was walking around in stuffy suits and handing out resumes, I was in casual Friday attire… on a Wednesday.
As you can imagine, no one was trying to bribe the sophomore English major to join their software tech company, so I was fending for myself. By the time I left, my bag was so large it looked like I had a paisley-patterned Siamese twin. Technically, I didn’t steal anything, but I did manage to look like a huge A-hole.
Though I don’t recommend trying this at home, here’s what I did after the jump.